


All That I Am

by staringatthesky



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-16 11:57:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 62,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staringatthesky/pseuds/staringatthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because one day Emmett met a bear and was saved by an angel. Or not...<br/>An Emmett POV of his vampire transformation, finding a family, and falling in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The bear and the angel

Looking up at the sun I estimate that I’ve got about an hour before darkness, maybe a little more. Long enough, anyway. The tracks in front of me are fresh, and it would be good if I could bag a deer before I make my way back home. I got a couple of birds earlier and they’re tied to the knapsack on my back, but they won’t go far with so many hungry mouths to feed.

Besides, Pa is just about ready to string me up in the hog house for coming home drunk again and I need to do _something_ to get back in his good books. He’s been threatening to send me to live with my brother John, and that won’t be any fun at all. John’s a cranky bastard who works me like a dog and his wife, Adeline, can’t cook worth a damn.

I’m right about the tracks. Just a little way ahead there’s a small rise, and getting down low I slide up it on my belly to peer over the top. I know there’s a small grassy clearing here, and sure enough there’s a small herd of deer feeding peacefully. I silently slip the knapsack off my bag and bring the shotgun up in front of me, sighting along the barrel.

I’ve got a line on a mid-size doe when I see the buck moving in the edge of the trees. Damn, he’s big…twelve points on him, and the fur sleek with good food and health. If I could bring _that_ down and get him home to Pa I’ll be forgiven a lot. The meat will feed us all for a long time, and we might even be able to sell a skin that size. If not there are a lot of pairs of mittens and boots in it for the little ones. I can’t deny I want that rack too, as I see it clearer- twelve points looking symmetrical and undamaged. None of my brothers have one of _those_ , I think with a grin.

I hesitate for a moment, because the shot I’ve got lined up on the doe is a sure thing and the distance and trees are going to make the buck a hard prospect, but since when have I ever taken the safe option? I swing the shotgun around and squint as I focus in on the buck. He’s still in the trees, and I bite my lip as I consider taking the tricky shot or waiting to see if he moves out and risk missing him.

I’m so focussed that I don’t hear what’s coming up behind me. Damned stupid of me not to be paying attention, especially considering I’ve been carrying a couple of dead birds around with me for hours and they’re starting to smell pretty ripe. But the first I know of anything is when I hear a low growl. Then I can smell the bear behind me and I forget all about the buck as I roll over, bringing up the shotgun as fast as I can. _Shit. I’m in trouble._

The bear is just about on top of me, aiming for the knapsack lying at my side, and my fast movements have surprised her. She swats a paw at me angrily and catches the end of the barrel and instead of felling her, my shot hits the animal in the arm. The bear roars, and whatever trouble I was in before I’m in ten times more now, because she’s furious and as she drops down her paw lands on the arm holding the rifle and I hear the bone snap.

I scream, and the bear snarls at me. She moves off my arm, but the broken limb is useless so with a bellow of pain I try to get my other hand over to the shotgun, knowing that I’m fighting for my life now. But I’m not fast enough, and I scream again as her claws catch my skin and tear me open. I’m fumbling in my pocket for my knife, wishing I’d gone for it instead of trying to get the shotgun because it’s my only hope now, and then the claws rake right across my chest, ripping through my shirt and my skin like paper. Jesus, the pain of it makes light flare in front of my eyes and I claw desperately at the ground, trying to pull myself away but my body isn’t doing what I want it to, and then the bear is on my leg and I feel and hear another bone snap. I realise, as I smell all that blood and pain explodes through my body, that I’m going to die here out in the woods and I shut my eyes so I don’t have to see my own end.

But the end I’m expecting doesn’t come. I’m braced for another blow from that massive paw and lethal claws, but instead I hear another snarl and the sound of a scuffle. Oh great- now there are two of them fighting over what’s left of me. I start to hope I am dead before they start pulling me apart. I feel a rush of wind across my face, taking away the rancid smell of bear and filling my nose with the scent of summers on the river and my mama’s cakes. I open my eyes in surprise and then I know I’ve fallen through the veil of death because crouched beside me is an angel.

Sweet Jesus, look at her…I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as this angel with her glowing skin and gleaming blonde hair. She bends low over me and the delicious smell of her fills my senses making me dizzy, and I wish I could see her face again. As if in answer to my unspoken wish she sits back on her heel, and then her head tilts and she meets my eyes and I think I’m smiling but I don’t even know, and all I can do is whisper. “Angel…”

She looks shocked, which kind of surprises me coming from an angel. Maybe I’m not supposed to know what she is? I mean, she’s hiding her wings and I can’t see a halo and she’s wearing a plaid shirt and some kind of skirt instead of robes like the angels in books at Sunday school. There’s even a smear of my blood on her lip where she’s pressed it to my neck. _Angel._

The next thing I know she’s pulling her shirt off and tying it around the worst bear wounds on my body. She’s only wearing a camisole now, and it’s pink and lacy and shows off the swell of her breasts. If I wasn’t already dead I’m pretty sure God would strike me down for thinking such lewd things about an angel, but I can’t take my eyes off her.

“Don’t die.” Her voice sounds like the chime of bells. “Hold on…I’ll take you home. Carlisle will fix you.” She stares at me, and her eyes are as golden as moonshine whiskey and I think death isn’t going to be that bad, not if I get to look into those eyes for eternity. She scoops an arm underneath me and for all she’s about half my size she picks me up like a baby and then she must find her wings because the next thing I know we’re flying through the forest.

I have to say though, this isn’t quite what I thought death would be like. I’m still bleeding, and everything hurts a lot more than I would have expected. Then there’s this pretty angel who is holding me in her arms- she isn’t exactly serene and smiling. In fact, as more and more blood soaks out of me and it gets harder and harder for me to focus on her, she starts looking more agitated and…well, pissed off, if I’m honest about it.

“Don’t die on me now!” Her voice is as beautiful as before, even with the note of fierceness in it. The darkness is closing in on me until all I can see is the golden blur of her face, but as my eyes start to roll back she slaps my cheek, which _had_ been about the only part of me that wasn’t hurting. “Don’t you dare die! We’re nearly home…just hold on!”

Geez, who would have thought an angel would be so bossy? And what does she mean, don’t die? Aren’t I already dead? But before I can puzzle this out there’s a bump and pain shoots through my body and darkness descends.

 


	2. Judgement day

Where is she? Where’s the angel gone? She’s not holding me anymore, instead I’m stretched out flat on something hard and there are cold hands touching me. I can hear a deep voice, although I don’t catch what he’s saying, and the only thing I can think is that the angel brought me to God to be judged.

Damn. The preacher was right…I’m in trouble.

“Rosalie, there’s nothing I can do.” The voice of God, and I wince at his words. Aw shit, that doesn’t sound promising. Nothing he can do? He’s God, he can do anything! Except maybe save my sinful soul from the devil.

“ _Fix him!_ He _can’t_ die! Just _heal him_!”

Oh, the angel sounds so unhappy! I want to tell her not to worry, that I’m fine, but I can’t speak. I can’t even open my eyes no matter how much I try. Don’t be sad, angel girl…I picture her beautiful face and feel comforted.

“There are no real thoughts.” Someone else speaks quietly. “Just images…Rosalie, he’s going.”

I can hear the deep, resonant voice of God. “I’m sorry Rosalie, but these injuries are so severe…I don’t have the ability to fix this.”

Rosalie? Is that the angel’s name?

“No!” I feel arms go around me, and even though time is doing funny things and I can’t make myself move, I know from the beautiful softness and smell of her that it must be the angel. Thank goodness she’s still here with me…

“If you can’t heal him, then _change him! I want him! Make him one of us… CHANGE HIM!”_

Silence. I think maybe it’s over, and I wonder hazily what’s going to happen next, but then the angel speaks again, and the pain in her voice wrings out my heart. “You did this to me. You made me what I am and I hate you for it! You took _everything_ I cared about from me, and now _you owe me Carlisle._ And I’m going to collect, right here, tonight, because _I want this man. He’s mine! You give him to me, NOW, or I will never, ever forgive you. CHANGE HIM!”_

I don’t understand. Why is the angel screaming at God? And if this is heaven- and it _has_ to be, what with the angel and God here- why am I still in so much pain?

But the next second all thought flees from my mind because I feel the lick of flames on my skin, and my body starts to burn. _Oh shit. I’ve been judged and sent to Hell._

The broken bones and the gashes made in my body from the bear are nothing compared to the agony of the burning. The heat rushes through my body, and I arch my back and scream as I feel the pain in every inch of me.

_Oh God, no…I’m sorry!_

Strong, cool hands touch mine and I grope blindly towards them, desperately wanting anything that might soothe this excruciating burn. I grasp them finally, smaller hands than mine, feeling cold and good in my grip.

“I’m here.” Even lost in the flames of Hell as I am I hear her- the clear, high tones of the angel. “I’m here…I won’t leave you.”

I don’t know why she’s here, I don’t know how the angel can be with me here in Hell, but all I feel is thankful. I tighten my grip as the waves of burning flame wash over me, through me, bringing with them unimaginable pain in every muscle and bone of my big body. Even though I want to endure in brave and stoic silence I can’t help screaming, my whole body writhing and thrashing as the agony continues.

She’s there though, the angel. Always there. Time skips and jumps, and sometimes I can hear them talking and sometimes I can’t, and sometimes I scream and sometimes I don’t, but always I can feel her beside me. She lets me hold her as my body contorts with the pain tearing through it; and when it breaks me down and I sob like a baby and beg them to let me die she wraps me in her arms and cradles me close and murmurs soft words, and even though I can’t always understand what she’s saying I find comfort in her presence. _Don’t leave me._

“I’m here…it’s okay, you’re okay…it will be over soon. Wait for that, it will be better soon…oh, _I’m so sorry._ ”

She sounds so heartbroken. I force my eyes open, and even though I can barely see through the haze of heat and pain I can see her close by my side. Mustering every ounce of strength and will I have I reach towards her. _Don’t be sad, angel…don’t be sorry…I’ll stay in Hell forever if you’ll stay with me._

“Rosalie? Is he waking up? It’s only been two days.”

It’s God, and he sounds mighty surprised by something. I am so confused now- weird enough that the angel is here with me in Hell, but what’s God doing down here?

“No.” Cold hands touch mine, and then her beautiful angel face swims close to mine so I see her clearly, just for a second, before my eyes close again. “I don’t know…his eyes opened for a moment and he tried to touch me, but I can still hear his heart.” Her hand rests on my chest, and before the flames rise up and consume me once again, I feel myself smile at her.

Finally it starts to ease. I still can’t move, but I can hear them talking around me, God and the angel and two other people.

“He’ll wake up soon. We need to wash off all that blood.”

“I’ll do it,” the angel says possessively.

“No Rosalie, you need to go and clean yourself up. You’ve been with him for three days, and you can’t be near him in those clothes when he wakes up.”

I can feel the cold water as they scrub, talking over the top of me.

“Edward? Can you hear anything?”

“It will be soon. He can hear us. He keeps thinking about Rosalie.”

The burning lessens even more. I can feel my feet and my hands, blessed coolness as the washing stops and someone drags a pair of pants up my legs. They aren’t mine, they feel too tight and too strange and I shift uncomfortably realising as I do so that I can move, that the burning is now only a painful scorching in my throat.

I open my eyes, and in one swift move flip off the table I’ve been lying on and land on my feet.

Everything feels different.

 


	3. The Cullens

I’m in a room I’ve never seen, and I know I have never laid eyes on the three people standing before me. But it’s more than that. I can see too clearly- the angles too sharp, the colours and lights too bright, the faces too perfect. My other senses too are beyond heightened, scents and sounds making me dizzy with their intensity, the feel of the trousers too odd, with their seams and threads and buttons, the sensation of each individual strand of hair clear on my fingers as I rake my hands through my hair.

“What is this?” I don’t even sound like me, my voice deeper and smoother and clearer than before.

One of the men watching me steps forward. He’s fair haired and dressed like a gentleman, and as he approaches me he looks calm. The other man- well, more like a boy, he’s younger than I am- shadows him. I notice they both have the same golden eyes as the angel.

The angel. Where is she? There’s a woman over by the door, but she’s small and dark haired, not tall and fair…

“Where is she?” I demand. “What is this place? What…who…” My words fall over themselves, jumbling into nonsense and I grimace and push my hands through my hair again to steady myself. “Where is she?” Nothing makes sense to me, but I know that if she’s here, near me, it will all be better.

“My name is Carlisle Cullen. You’re here in my house, you’re quite safe. This is my son, Edward, and my wife, Esme.”

Oh. I recognise the voice- he’s the one I thought was God. I guess he’s not.

“Can you tell us your name?”

I can’t keep my focus on anything. It’s too much, the sounds and the smells and…I look past the males, trying to see past the lady in the doorway. “Is she here?” I know I must sound like a lunatic, but for all I know I’m in the asylum and I’ll fit right in. “She was here…where did she go?”

“He wants Rosalie,” the boy says.

There are footsteps outside the room and a moment later she’s standing in the doorway. Beautiful angel…I thought she was beautiful before, but now I see her with my newly sharpened eyes and she is like some perfect work of art. I move towards her, drawn as if by a magnet, wanting nothing more than to touch her.

I don’t get close before the two men- Carlisle and Edward- are there in between us, holding their hands out to me, their faces wary.

“Just take it slow,” Carlisle says soothingly, but I shake my head in irritation. What are they doing? Why can’t I go to her?

“He’s not going to hurt me.” She steps forward, holding my eyes on hers. “You won’t, will you?”

“No.”

“What’s your name?”

 “Emmett McCarty, Miss.” I swallow, wishing the burn in my throat would ease.

“I’m Rosalie.” She takes another step closer, and now I can smell her and I feel myself relaxing. I’m okay, this is okay- whatever insanity I’m dealing with now will be okay, because she’s here. “You need to know some things, Emmett. Carlisle can tell you, but you have to listen…can you do that?” She looks at me intently.

I nod, although to be honest it’s hard to focus on anything but her as I notice all the tiny details about her. The length of her eyelashes, the stark whiteness of her teeth behind her full lips, the different colours of gold and platinum and white glimmering in the blonde hair falling halfway down her back, the length of her slender pale fingers as her hands twist together in front of her, the heavy pendant with some kind of crest on it lying in the pale hollow of her throat…

“Emmett.”

Reluctantly I stop staring at her and look at Carlisle.

“What do you remember about coming here? Do you remember Rosalie finding you in the forest?”

“There was a bear,” I say slowly. “I was hurt pretty bad, and then she…Rosalie…she was there and she saved me.”

Carlisle nods. “In a manner of speaking, yes, she saved you.” He glances over at the others. “I’m a doctor, Emmett. Rosalie brought you back here to me, hoping I could heal you. But your injuries were too extensive.”

What is he talking about? I’m fine- just look at me. I wish they’d stop talking in riddles and just spit out whatever it is that has them all looking like they’ve got ants in their pants.

Edward chuckles. “Just spit it out Carlisle,” he says, and I glance at him suspiciously. He’s just voiced my thoughts. “He doesn’t need you to be gentle.”

“I couldn’t heal you,” Carlisle says seriously. “But I could change you. We’re vampires Emmett, and over the past three days of burning, that’s what you’ve become.”

Ooookay. I take a step back. Maybe I wasn’t so far off when I thought I might be in the asylum.

“You’re not in the asylum,” The kid seems amused, and I scowl at him. “What Carlisle is saying is true. Your body has healed itself, and you’re unbreakable now- look at yourself! You can feel the evidence of your senses.”

I look down at myself. I still look the same, except…I squint, looking closer. It’s me, but it’s not. My skin has an unfamiliar sheen, the muscles still move and bunch at my will but it feels different. And this wretched, burning thirst in my throat… I groan in frustration.

“You’re probably very thirsty,” Carlisle says. “We can go out and take care of that, but I have to tell you that my family do not feed from humans. We only drink animal blood.”

“Whatever.” This thirst is getting so bad I don’t care what they give me, as long as I get _something_ to drink.  I try and remember anything I might know about vampires. My brother Patrick told me about a book he borrowed from the schoolmaster once, it had a vampire…damn, why didn’t I pay more attention to his endless jabber about all his reading? Maybe if he hadn’t been such a religious freak all the time he could have taught me something useful.

Now Edward’s laughing out loud. “Never mind, it probably wouldn’t help you much,” he says to me.

I growl and make a move at him, and he skips backwards with his hands up. “I’m sorry! It’s just…I’m a telepath. I can hear your thoughts. We’re not the vampires of fiction that you might know about. Living off animal blood for one, and you won’t burn up in the sunlight, or if you go into a church, or if you touch a cross or silver or garlic.”

“No coffins?” I ask doubtfully.

Edward laughs again. “No coffins. We don’t sleep. And no one can stake you to death.”

It’s too much to take in, all this crazy talk and brutal thirst, and I rake my hands through my hair again. “Fucking hell…oh, sorry ma’am.” I glance, abashed over at the lady in the doorway. “Excuse my mouth.” I don’t dare to look at Rosalie.

She smiles softly. “It’s quite all right Emmett. I understand how overwhelming things must seem right now.”

I nod, and swallow hard. “Can I…I’m really thirsty.” There’s more I want to know and ask, but until I get something to soothe my throat I know I won’t be able to focus on the answers.

“Right,” Carlisle said briskly. “I’m sorry about the clothes Emmett- we didn’t have anything to fit you. Those trousers were the best we could do. Esme and Rosalie will go into town and buy something now, and Edward and I will take you out hunting.”

Hunting sounds good, but… “You’re not coming with me?” I say to Rosalie. I can’t quite imagine this pretty angel in her soft blue dress hunting through the woods, but the idea of being away from her makes me anxious.

“Don’t underestimate Rosalie,” Edward murmurs. “She could hunt you under the table.”

She glares at him, and then drops her gaze, not looking at me. “No…Esme and I will go shopping.” She glances across at Esme, who nods at her reassuringly and holds out her arm.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s leave the boys to it.”

Rosalie almost sighs with relief and moves, too quickly, away from the room. I frown, not understanding what’s going on with her- doesn’t she like me? I remember how she looked at me in the woods, and she brought me here and has been holding me while I burned…

“How long has it been?” I demand. “How long have I been here?”

“Three days,” Carlisle answers.

So, three days. For three days she’s held my hands and stroked my face and talked me through that agony and now she won’t even look at me?

“Don’t,” Edward says to me suddenly. I can’t tell if he’s mad or gloomy or what. “It won’t make sense. Rose is…difficult. Complicated,” he amends, as he sees my scowl.

I shrug. Maybe she’s his girl? Although that’s going to be a problem if it’s true, because the thought of his scrawny pale hands getting anywhere near her is making me want to hurt someone.

“Oh god, he’s worse than she is,” Edward mutters to Carlisle. “This is going to be hell…his mind is just Rose, Rose, Rose…She’s not mine!” he snaps in my direction. “She belongs to herself, which is something you’ll do well to remember, so there’s no need to break my neck for her! Come on, let’s go out- once you’re not so thirsty things will make more sense.”

 


	4. The hunter

At first, out in the forest I feel better. I don’t recognise anything, she’s brought me a long way from home, but it’s outside and I’m comfortable here. I’ve always been more of a hunter than a farmer, and feel at home in the wilds.

But again…it’s all _different._ I’m barefoot and shirtless, and yet the uneven ground and the sticks and twigs and thorns don’t touch me. I can see everything, smell everything, hear everything, taste everything coming at me on the wind…but it’s all too much. Too much input, and it’s hard to filter through what’s important. I’m distracted by the shimmer of my own skin in the sunlight.

“Focus, Emmett,” Edward comes up on one side of me, Carlisle on the other. “Think about what you’re looking for.”

I grope in my pockets, but of course these trousers aren’t mine and my knife isn’t in my belt where it usually is. And the shotgun…guess it’s still lying back with my knapsack where the bear got me, and damn if Pa won’t have my hide for losing that, even if I am a grown man of twenty. “My knife…”

“It’s back at the house,” Carlisle tells me. “But you don’t need it for hunting now. You don’t need anything but yourself.”

“You’ve got your teeth and your own two hands and trust me, they’re more than enough,” Edward says. He hands me a rock. “Go ahead- see how strong you are now.”

I close my fist around the rock and despite the fact that I know it’s granite it crumbles into nothing more than dust in my hands. “I wasn’t even trying,” I mutter in amazement, and both Edward and Carlisle laugh.

I move towards a tree, a massive thing that would take three of me linking hands to reach around it, and give it an experimental push, feeling the ground shift under my feet as the roots are wrenched out of place. I push it harder and hear the groan as it lifts itself out of the ground, falling with a crash that shakes the forest.

“Jesus Christ!”

“Not quite,” Edward said in amusement. “Come on, let’s go find you something to drink…you can play afterwards.”

I move through the forest with greater confidence now, and very shortly I catch the scent of a herd of deer on the wind. I slow, and move towards them in a silent prowl, the burn in my throat intensifying as I hear the heartbeats and smell the blood. I crouch in the shadow of a tree, scanning the herd, my mouth flooded with an unfamiliar sensation. There’s a plump doe on the edge nearest to me and my nostrils flare at the scent and then I pounce.

I’m faster and stronger than I realise, and I overshoot and miss her completely as I leap. But I’m in the middle of the herd before they even register my presence, and as they scatter in terror I’m easily able to grab two of them, one in each hand. One of them I have by the neck and that’s okay, but the other one I’ve grabbed by the leg and the sheer force of my grip has torn the limb clean off.

I don’t care though. In fact, as soon as the smell of the blood pumping out of the animal hits my nose I can’t even think, and I’m down on my knees and tearing into both of the animals to gulp down as much blood as I can swallow, feeling it soothe my parched throat as I do so.

They don’t last long, and minutes later I sit back, wiping my hand across my face. Since my hand has as much blood on it as my face does it doesn’t do anything much but smear it around, and then I look down at the splashes and streaks of crimson across my chest and spattered on the pants- that have split down the seams anyway, damn it, and shake my head as I lick my fingers.

Carlisle and Edward are standing nearby, the bodies of two more deer lying limp and bloodless at their feet. Neither of them have a speck of dirt on them or a hair out of place, and they’re staring at me in complete astonishment.

“Well,” Carlisle says finally. “I guess it’s safe to assume you enjoyed that?”

Edward laughs. “You’ll get a bit…neater at it as you gain more experience.” He glances across at Carlisle. “It’s probably a good thing we didn’t get his new clothes before this.”

Carlisle shakes his head. “You, Esme, Rosalie…I’ve never seen a newborn make such a mess.”

I’ve licked as much off my fingers as I can, and I wipe my hands down on what remains of my pants. I know I’m a mess, but there must be a river or something nearby and I’ll clean off in that. In fact, as I think about it I can hear the faint noise of moving water not too far away.

Carlisle yanks a young spruce tree out of the ground, and he and Edward drop the bodies of the deer into the hole. It seems a wicked waste of meat to me, but for the first time in my life the thought of meat is unappealing, and I toss what’s left of my kills in beside theirs. As I do so I note the clean puncture wounds straight into the jugular that they made to their deer, versus the messiness of me ripping the whole throat out.

“We always bury the bodies,” Carlisle explains. “Maintaining secrecy about what we are is paramount, and it’s important to not leave any evidence of the fact that you’re not human where someone might find it.” He jams the spruce back into place, kicking the dirt back in around it. It hardly looks disturbed now.

I rub my throat. The burning is back, not quite as bad as before, but still plenty painful.

“You’ll get used to it,” Edward says. “The animal blood is an adequate diet, but it’s not as satisfying as human blood would be. The thirst will be strongest early on in your vampire life, and when you’re around humans it will be hard to resist. You need to hunt often, especially at the start, to stave off the temptation.”

I run towards the river, and it’s so fast and so much fun that I feel like I could run forever. It’s better than driving in a car, better than galloping on a horse…it feels like flying, and I realise that when Rosalie brought me here she must have been running too.

I’m still thinking about her when I drop what’s left of my trousers and dive in, feeling the river water smooth and cold as it washes past me, taking all traces of blood with it. I’m glad I’m in the water as thoughts of Rosalie, holding me close and wearing that little lacy camisole as she brought me here, cross my mind. Because whatever else has changed, my body’s response to the thought of pretty girls wearing not so many clothes has not…at least that still works.

On the bank Edward gives a strangled sort of cough and hastily turns his back on me. What’s up his ass? I think, and then remember him telling me he was a telepath and he could read my mind. Oh shit…surely not all the time. Surely he’s not listening in on me imagining Rosalie all messed up and half bare and me…not _that._

“ _All_ the time, Emmett,” Edward says in a strained voice. “Frankly your thoughts are quite loud too, so I’d really appreciate it if you could think of something else right now.”

But of course I can’t, now, and there are a mortifying couple of minutes where I dive under the water and try and think of anything else but that beautiful girl, and Edward stands all tense on the bank with his hands in his pockets, and Carlisle laughs at the both of us once he realises what’s going on. Eventually I manage to calm down and get out of the water with at least a semblance of dignity intact, although pulling on a pair of trousers that are basically split right down the rear and halfway down each leg really isn’t helping.

Carlisle has stopped laughing and is talking quietly to Edward. When I’m beside him he says to me seriously, “Emmett, whatever happens between you and Rosalie is between the two of you and we’re not going to interfere either way. But I do ask you to be careful with our girl.” He glances at Edward, who shrugs. “She’s been through a lot.”

“Yes sir,” I mutter, feeling chastened. These people are weird, this whole set up is weird and I don’t understand them at all.

“You’ll get used to it after a while,” Edward says cheerfully, and I wonder how long I’ll be able to put up with him answering thoughts straight out of my head before I start punching him.

“And please don’t call me sir,” Carlisle adds. “Carlisle is fine. For as long as you want to stay you’re part of our family, and there’s no need for formality with us Emmett.”

Probably a good thing, I think a little glumly as they lead me back. The little I saw of the house, and their clothes and the way they all talk, not to mention the jewellery on the ladies and even on Carlisle and Edward have told me pretty clearly that these people are a heck of a lot more educated and have a damn sight more money than my people. I didn’t go to school after I was fourteen, and after that most all the money I made got handed straight over to my Mama for the household, save what little I kept for having a good time with. I wonder what they think has happened to me, and I frown a little as I wonder how they’ll manage without the game I’ve been bringing in.

“Tell us about your family,” Edward requests, looking slightly concerned.

“We’re from Gatlinburg, Tennessee,” I say. “My Pa’s a farmhand. There are three brothers older than me- John’s married and has his own place, Patrick went into the Seminary couple of years ago, and Harry left to find work and we haven’t seen him for a long time, so I’m the biggest boy left at home. Then there’s the girls- Kitty got married three years back, Hannah’s fifteen and Maggie’s eleven and they help Ma, and then there are the little ones- William’s nine and Stephen’s seven and Elizabeth’s five. They mostly go to school and make trouble.” I pause, laughing a little as I think of the little ones always wanting me to play with them and take them out hunting, even baby Elizabeth with her short little five year old legs.

“That’s a lot of people,” Carlisle says quietly, looking at Edward who nods slightly in return. “They’ll miss you.”

“Yeah.” I don’t say anything else, wondering how they’re going to manage without me. Pa’s a good worker and he doesn’t drink or gamble, which in our part of the world is kind of a rare thing, to be honest, but there are a lot of people to feed and the little ones are always needing new clothes and shoes so his money doesn’t go far. They rely a lot on what I bring in hunting and trapping and fishing, apart from any money I might earn. It’s the reason I’m still there really- much as I’ve wanted to go off and find myself some adventures in the past, I couldn’t leave them. Seems like I don’t have any choice about it now.

“I can’t go back to them, can I?” I ask slowly. I think about how viciously I ripped into those deer, and the way Edward told me if I smelled human blood I’d want it even more, and I know it’s impossible. Not my family.

“No.” Edward’s answer is short, but his tone is kind.

“It’s not possible,” Carlisle elaborates. “It’s far too dangerous with your newborn thirst to be near humans, and once you are able to control yourself it’s not a good idea. You see, as a vampire you won’t age Emmett, and it would be dangerous for your family to guess there’s something different about you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s just the hunting that they need me for,” I say awkwardly. “There’s not been so much work around so I haven’t been able to bring in much money for a while, but I do a lot of hunting and fishing and trapping and Ma kind of needs that…I mean, my Pa’s a good provider, and he puts up with my sorry ass about the place since I couldn’t get steady work, but there’s hard times for everyone and there’s lots of mouths to feed at home that aren’t big enough yet to be of much help.”

I’m not sure that the hard times that everyone else I know has been experiencing have touched these two though.

We’re back in sight of the house now. I can feel the breeze on my privates through the split pants and I don’t know whether to hope the ladies are back with something else for me to wear or hope I can scoot inside without being seen in such a disgraceful state.

“We will be able to do something for your family,” Carlisle tells me. “I realise that the loss of a grown up son will be a hard blow to them. We’ve been fortunate, financially, and we can help.”

I nod, a little uncertainly. I don’t know what the story really is with these freaks, but if I can do something to help my Ma and the rest of the family I’ll do it, even if it feels uncomfortably like charity.

“Oh good, Esme is back,” Carlisle says brightly, looking at the house. “Come inside and let’s see about getting you some clothes.

 

_AN- I made up Emmett’s family and what he says about his life in this chapter, but I think it’s a pretty reasonable sort of set up for him, considering we’re talking about Depression era 1930s. It’s also pretty clear that he came from a different sort of class/ culture than the other Cullens and it’s understandable that he’d notice this and possibly be uncomfortable with it._

_Not that any of this really matters, it’s just one of those interesting things that I get all sidetracked into thinking about, because I’m kind of a history geek! I’m a lot more familiar with Australian history of the Depression, but I’m working on the US stuff for this._

_Thanks for reading!_


	5. Questions and answers

I don’t know that I’ve ever felt more awkward than I do standing in front of the lady with my hands crossed in front of me to stop my balls hanging out of my pants while she shows off her shopping. I’ve never had so many new clothes at once, and they’re better than anything I’ve ever had before, and I mumble an awkward thanks and promises about paying them back, although God knows how I’m going to be able to do that. I’m relieved when she hands over the packages, although when I reach out to take them I flash a lot more than I intended and I’m mortified when she covers her mouth to hide her grin.

“Oh Emmett, I’m not laughing at you,” she’s quick to reassure me. “It’s just that you look so horrified! I’m a married woman and it’s nothing I haven’t seen before, so don’t fret. Now, go upstairs with Edward and get dressed. I’m afraid we haven’t a spare bedroom right now, but Edward will be happy to have you in his space until we sort that out.”

I’m happy enough to follow Edward through the house. I don’t know where Rosalie is, and although I want to find her I think it’s probably better if I cover my bare ass before I do that.

Edward gives me a brief tour. “Kitchen’s down there. Laundry room too. Living room, study, bathroom.” We climb the stairs. “Carlisle and Esme’s room, bathroom, Rosalie’s room, and I’m down at the end of the hall.” The house is about twice as big as ours at home, even though until now there’s just been the four of them.

I glance at Rosalie’s closed door and wonder if she’s in there, but follow Edward without stopping down to his room. It’s big, furnished with a leather upholstered sofa and an armchair, a mirrored closet and a lot of books.

“No bed?” I ask, dropping the packages on the sofa.

“I don’t sleep,” he reminds me. “It’s more comfortable to read in an armchair.”

As I strip off he turns away, and I shrug as I take a good look at myself in the reflection of the closet mirror. Mostly it’s still the same body- broad shoulders and chest, muscles built up through hard work and exercise, smattering of hair of my chest and the trail of it down my belly and between my legs, everything down there still looking good. But there are subtle differences. The shimmer of my skin, and the fact that it’s all so smooth and flawless now, all the bruises and scars that come from being a boy who likes the outdoors and takes a lot of chances are gone now. I don’t know why, but it leaves me feeling unsettled, and I sigh as I get dressed in the new clothes. There are even new boots, even though mine were the only things that survived the bear attack and probably still had a couple of months wear left in them.

  “You like to read then?” I say, wandering over to the shelves. I haven’t ever seen a house with so many books. Some of the titles look like they’re in another language.

“Yes,” Edward watches me. “Do you read?”

“I _can_ ,” I say, half offended by the question. “I just haven’t ever had much time for it.”

“You’ll have a lot more time on your hands now,” Edward says, a little sadly. “You can borrow anything you want to from in here. Carlisle has a lot more books down in the study, lots of medical things, theology, philosophy...”

“I’m good,” I say hastily. It’s nice of him to offer, but being dragged along to Sunday school for years was bad enough, I don’t need to read about theology.

“Rosalie reads a lot,” Edward continues. “She’s got more eclectic tastes than Carlisle- you might find something in her room if you want to read.”

I don’t want to read, but I wouldn’t mind going into her room and finding her. I forget that Edward will know what I’m thinking, until he makes a disgusted face at me. “She’s not in there. She’s downstairs.”

“Damn, you’re kind of annoying with that mind reading thing you know?” I say amiably. It’s irritating having him answer me right out of my head, but I can’t get that upset about it- apart from dirty thoughts about girls and when I’m cheating at cards there’s probably not a lot that goes through my head that I don’t say really.

Edward laughs. “Try being me! I’m sorry if I’m annoying. Carlisle has never minded me answering his thoughts rather than his words you see, and I got used to it when it was just the two of us. Esme isn’t bothered either, as long as I pretend not to hear anything she’d consider embarrassing. It’s only Rose who hates it no matter what I hear, so I’ve only really had to make an effort since she came.”

“So it was just you and Carlisle?” I say, trying to make sense of it. “And then Esme?”

“Carlisle was first,” Edward says. “He was changed in the 1660’s, but he didn’t turn me until 1918, when I was seventeen. Then it was the two of us until he found Esme in 1926.”

“And Rosalie?” I prompt.

“A year and a half ago,” Edward’s face looked pained. “And now she’s brought us you.” He looks at me speculatively. “Which is interesting…come on, let’s go downstairs. She’s in the living room- go in there and look at her if it’ll put you out of your misery.”

I don’t wait for him but bound down the stairs, nearly crashing through the wall on the lower level when I once again underestimate my strength and speed. It’s like being fourteen again when I grew damn near a foot overnight and all of a sudden could barely even walk with those gangly legs and giant feet- if I don’t think about what I’m doing this vampire body is graceful and sure, but the minute I think about it I’ve got two left feet and I’m all thumbs.

I get myself together enough to walk into the sitting room like a reasonable being. Carlisle and Esme are sitting together on a sofa, close beside each other and talking earnestly but I don’t pay any attention to them because there _she_ is.

Rosalie is sitting on the floor by the fire, which is making her golden hair and pale skin glow. She glances up at me as I enter the room but her eyes skip away before I can meet her gaze and she goes back to what she’s holding on her lap- a magazine maybe, or a store catalogue.

I hesitate. I want to go over to her, but she’s not looking approachable and I can’t just go and sprawl out on the floor beside her. She looks different- her hair is done up with fancy clips and there are diamonds sparkling in her ears and she looks like a lady. And for all my new clothes make me look as dressed up as anyone it’s all on the outside, and inside I can’t help feeling that I’m just not good enough for her.

Disappointed I drop down into an armchair. At least this way I can still look at her, even if she won’t look back.

“Are the clothes suitable?” Esme asks me anxiously. “I hope you like them- I knew the sizes but I just had to guess at what colours and styles you might like. Rosalie chose most of them.”

Huh. Maybe she’s not as indifferent as she’s looking right now. “They’re fine ma’am. Thank you again.”

“Oh, please call me Esme,” she says with a laugh. “Not ma’am…far too formal for home!”

Carlisle leans forward on the couch. “Now, I’m sure you must have lots of questions Emmett. I know what a big shock this must all have been for you.”

There are a million questions running through my head, but most of them have more to do with Rosalie than with being a vampire and I can’t exactly start blurting them out right in front of her. I’m momentarily glad that Edward and his mind reading didn’t follow me down here. I think for a moment and then say, “Well, I was kind of wondering about the fire. I mean, I’m not feeling the cold at all, and didn’t Edward say earlier that fire was about the only sure way to destroy a vampire?”

Carlisle chuckles. “It’s mainly for the atmosphere in the house, I must confess. It’s much homier to have a fire going, even if we don’t need the warmth! And fire itself isn’t really dangerous- you could put your arm into a little fire like that and not even come out with a scorch mark. It’s the venom within your body that’s so highly flammable, so if we were to rip you to pieces and toss them in the fire, well then you’d burn.”

“Are there many of you? I mean, around the place? How come no one ever notices?”

“There are more vampires around the world,” Carlisle answers. “More in some places than others, of course. The more heavily populated a place is the more attractive it is to vampires, most of whom don’t share our aversion to feeding on humans. We are a little unusual for vampires, because of living solely off animal blood and because we live a very human lifestyle and consider ourselves a family. Most vampires live fairly nomadic lives, for obvious reasons. Mated pairs are common, sometimes small groups called covens form and they last as long as they’re useful and the members get along. Apart from one coven, the Volturi, who live in Italy and enforce the rules, the groups are never large.”

Abruptly Rosalie rises to her feet and tosses her magazine onto a side table. She goes to the bookshelf and stands with her back to the rest of us, looking at the books. Esme’s face is creased with concern as she looks after her, and I wonder what there was in what Carlisle has just said to make her so tense.

“How come people don’t know?” I ask.

“Secrecy is the most important rule for vampires and it must always be at the forefront of your mind. For us this means blending in and acting as human as possible. Not doing anything that brings our abilities and true nature to light when humans are around, and hiding any evidence of mistakes,” Carlisle says frankly. “For other vampires it’s more about remaining hidden and keeping out of trouble. You know that people die in accidents and disappear quite frequently- you might be surprised at how often someone from this world is involved.”

I rub my head. This all sounds so crazy, but at the same time it makes morbid sense. “And you’re a doctor?”

Carlisle nods. “Yes. I work at the hospital in town. Edward is attending college, and Rosalie has begun taking some classes too.”

My spirits fall a little. She’s going to college? Beautiful _and_ smart…this might not be a great thing.

“What you do from here is up to you Emmett,” Carlisle continues thoughtfully. “While we’d love to have you stay and become part of the family, you’re under no obligation to us. You’re welcome to make your own way, if that’s what you’d prefer.”

Over by the bookshelf Rosalie’s head whips around and for the first time since I came into the room our eyes lock. _She doesn’t want me to go anywhere._ I don’t know how I can be so certain, but I’m as sure of that as I am of my own name and my mouth curves up in a smile.

“I think I’d rather stay here for the time being, if that’s okay with you all,” I say. As Rosalie drops her face to look at the book in her hands I turn my eyes back to Carlisle and Esme, who are both smiling at me.

“That’s absolutely fine,” Esme says sweetly.

Rosalie bites her lip to hide her smile, and I settle back into the chair. It looks like maybe I’ve found a new home.

 


	6. Everyone has a history

Edward wanders in to the room and sits down at the large piano that’s by the window. He scowls at the purse that’s sitting on the top of it and as I watch he picks it up and hurls it at the back of Rosalie’s head, so fast it’s a blur even to my eyes. “I’ve asked you not to leave your things on the piano!”

Without even looking Rosalie catches the purse behind her head before it can touch her and I can’t help but be impressed by her reflexes. She spins around and glares at Edward. “There’s no need to throw a tantrum.”

“The piano is not a table,” he mutters. “And it’s not like I haven’t asked you to keep your things off it before!”

It’s kind of amusing the way they’re glaring at each other, like two cats with their fur all on end and about to pounce.

With exaggerated care Rosalie places the purse on top of the bookshelf and comes and sits in another armchair with her book. She catches me looking at her.

“Do you play?” I ask, indicating the piano.

Her hand drifts up to fiddle with her pendant, and I have to force myself to look away from the delicate curve of her neck because all I can think about is kissing it. “I _can_ play,” she says quietly. “But not like Edward does.”

“Be careful Rosalie…that was almost a compliment,” Edward says with a smirk in her direction, and she scowls in return and sticks her tongue out at him, which has me shifting in my chair and mentally reciting the books of the Bible in an effort to get control of my body because Jesus Christ that girl turns me on!

“Rose and Edward!” Esme says reprovingly. “That’s enough. Surely you can behave yourselves for one day! What will Emmett think of you?”

Edward sighs and begins fingering the piano keys and Rosalie tosses her head and opens the book. At first I think she’s just flipping the pages to find her place, but then I notice the small movements of her eyes and I realise she’s reading. Whoa.

“Do you play an instrument, Emmett?” Esme asks.

“Nope,” I shake my head. “I like listening to it though. I spent most of my time outside- tracking and hunting and fishing, and helping out on the farm. I’m pretty good with horses, my grandad breeds them and I used to spend summers up at his place so I learned a lot from him.”

“You’ll have to keep away from horses now,” Carlisle says soberly. “Animals are much more attuned to their instincts than humans, and they recognise us as predators. It’s better to stay away, especially from something big like a horse that can do a lot of damage if it’s spooked. Not to mention you may well want to feed on it, and it’s a bit harder to explain away a drained horse than some wild animal!”

“Oh.” That’s a pity, because I love horses. Despite how hard the work was I was always happy to be on Grandad’s farm with the horses, having fun with the riding and learning about the breaking and training of the young ones.

I think of what else I learned during the summers up at grandad’s place, and suddenly I’m squirming in my seat and way too aware of Rosalie, so pretty and smelling like a girl and so close I could probably touch her if I reached out my arm…

Edward plays a jarring wrong note and I look over at him guiltily, knowing he’s probably just got an eyeful from the memories running through my head. “Sorry.”

He raises his eyebrows and plays on. “I think living with you is going to take some getting used to. His thoughts are very loud,” he adds in explanation to the others.

“So is that mind reading thing part of being a vampire, or what?” I ask. I’d like to change the subject completely, but that’s the best I can come up with right now.

“Not exactly,” Carlisle explains. “I’ve known several vampires with extra abilities, or gifts, but it’s not really common. There’s a theory that vampirism can…enhance human abilities, and that seems to be the case with Edward. He was an intuitive human, but it’s only since his change that he’s been a telepath.”

 I’m feeling less comfortable as time ticks by. It’s dark outside now, although my eyes don’t seem bothered by it and can see just as well as I did in the daylight, and the thirst is scorching my throat again. And although I’m not the least bit tired, it feels so odd to have the end of the day come and no one making a move for bed. In fact, they’re all settling in to their activities- Rosalie is absorbed in the book, Edward with his piano, Esme is pulling out some sewing and Carlisle’s moved over to the table and is writing in some kind of journal. I wonder what I’m supposed to do. Back home I’d either be helping Ma wrestle the little ones into bed and telling them stories, or else I’d be out with my boys, drinking or playing cards. I think of it all a little wistfully, but the burn in my throat now is like nothing I felt for whisky, for all I enjoyed that, and I can’t think of much else. I make a low rumble of dissatisfaction deep in my throat.

“Are you okay?”

It’s her, Rosalie, and she’s looking at me. In the dim room her golden eyes reflect the light of the fire, and her lips are slightly parted as she leans towards me. Am I okay? Jesus, I want to get down on my knees for her, I want to kiss that mouth, want to put my hands in that hair and call her baby and take her on to my lap and stare into those beautiful eyes until I drown in them and…

“I’m fine thank you, Miss Rosalie.”

She bites her lip, and I realise I’m not breathing as I shift awkwardly in my seat.  _God, I’m so thirsty._ I want to pull her lip out from her teeth, I want to lick away the indentation she’s made, I want to fight dragons for her, I want to run my hands along her legs, I want to listen to her talk and watch her dream and make her laugh and I want to bury my face in the curve of her neck and shoulder and breathe her in and _Jesus Christ, don’t look at me like that, pretty girl!_

“Okay, that’s enough!” Edward jumps to his feet, pulling his hands through his hair distractedly, the piano lid falling with a bang. “You’re thirsty, right…let’s go out.”

I tear my eyes away from Rosalie and look at him. I don’t want to go away from her.

“Outside,” Edward says to me firmly. “Rose, are you coming? We’re going hunting- I’m going to introduce Emmett to the joys of carnivores.”  

 I turn pleading eyes to her, but she looks away and shakes her head. “No,” say says in a low voice. “I can’t Edward.” Her eyes flick to me, but so quickly I can’t read her expression. “I’m sorry.”

I’m disappointed, but I’m also wanting to rip my own throat out to get rid of the burn, so I head outside into the night with Edward, wondering what he meant about the ‘joys of carnivores’.

I discover a few hours later. Once we’ve run through the forest and swung through the trees like monkeys, and I’ve played about with just how strong I am now, how fast I can run and how far I can jump if I try, I come across the scent of a bear and follow it. Edward seems slightly impressed with my skill, which feels good because after all their talking and books and college I came outside feeling like nothing more than a knucklehead. But I’ve been tracking for years and now that I can see and hear and smell a thousand times better it’s ridiculously easy and that bear doesn’t stand a chance. Pretty much like the bear did to me the other day, I take this one down with ease and damn if Edward isn’t right about carnivores, because this thing is so much tastier than the deer. The blood is hot and thick and slides down easy, and there’s a lot more of it than there was with the deer, so much so that when I’m done and lying sprawled out on the grass looking up at the stars, I feel almost good.

Edward drops down beside me. He didn’t partake, seeming happy enough to watch me with amusement.

“With time the thirst is more controllable and you don’t need to feed as often,” he tells me. “Carlisle can go weeks if he has to, although he doesn’t push himself needlessly and always goes out when Esme wants to. He takes Rosalie out a lot too, otherwise she’s stubborn and pushes herself just to prove that she can.”

“The human thing…” I say slowly. “You’ve never done it?”

“I have.” Edward’s face is set. “Carlisle hasn’t, and Rosalie hasn’t. Esme…she made mistakes, at the start. It’s very, very hard to resist it. You’ll see, when one gets close, it calls to you like nothing else…you think the thirst is bad now, but when you can hear that human heartbeat and smell that human scent it’s ten times worse.”

Shit. That doesn’t sound good…I’m not all that good at self-denial, to be honest. I’m a lot more of a ‘live in the moment and hang the consequences’ kind of man, which has got me in quite a lot of trouble over time.

“I lived apart from Carlisle and Esme for a while,” Edward continues quietly. “I fed off humans then. I used my telepathy so that I was only killing people I believed deserved to die- rapists and murders. It didn’t bother me so much at first. I could almost convince myself that I was doing a service to the rest of humanity. The blood is so much more satisfying than the animals…but that wasn’t enough, in the end. We might be immortal, but we’re not God and I didn’t want to pass judgement and carry out the sentence…I didn’t like being a monster Emmett. I like this way better.”

  I rub my hair, feeling the blood and muck I’ve got smeared from one end of me to the other. So much for the new clothes- I don’t know if the blood will ever wash out of this shirt and I’ve come right through the knees of the pants. They’re good boots though, and I wriggle my toes and stretch out.

“So you think you’ll stay?” Edward asks.

I nod. For all they’re the weirdest people I’ve ever met, I kind of like these Cullens and as long as they don’t seem to mind me hanging around I may as well stay and learn what I can of this peculiar new life they’ve brought me in to. Plus, there’s Rosalie…I’m not going anywhere as long as I can be near her.

“Oh my god,” Edward mutters. “Do you have any idea how loud your thoughts are when you think of her? Do you have any idea how much I _don’t_ want to think about her- or about you!- in that way?”

“So don’t listen,” I say, amused. He’s so uptight! Nothing like the loudmouth drunks and gamblers I’ve been running with for the past few years, geez even I’m practically an innocent compared to some of them.

“I can’t turn it off!” Edward says in return. He shakes his head. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Well, I can’t turn it off either,” I point out reasonably. “She’s just…”

“I know, I know!” he interrupts me hastily. “I know what you think of her, no need to go through it again!”

“What’s her story anyway?” I sit up, picking flakes of dried blood off my skin so I don’t have to look at him. “And you too…how did you both end up like this?”

“I had Spanish flu,” Edward says frankly. “Carlisle was the doctor in the hospital when I came in with it. My father died and my mother was dying when she asked him to do something to save me…I would have died too, if he hadn’t done it. He found Esme when she’d fallen off a cliff and been taken to the morgue- he realised she wasn’t quite dead and he brought her home.” He hesitates. “Rosalie was hurt. She was dying when Carlisle found her in the street. He would only do it to someone who was dying…he wouldn’t do this to someone if there was another choice that might save them.”

Edward looks up at the stars and his face looks unhappy. “Rosalie might tell you more about it herself one day. It’s a hard story for her, and it’s not my place to tell it. She wishes Carlisle hadn’t changed her, even knowing the inevitable outcome if he hadn’t.”

“Why?” I’m surprised. I can’t imagine ever choosing death over life, even this life that is so strange and odd and, I suspect, quite difficult at times.

“She doesn’t like it,” Edward says softly. “She doesn’t like what we are.” He rubs his hand across his face before getting to his feet. “That’s enough of that. Let’s get rid of this carcass and go home.”

 


	7. A vampire's real diet is humans

It’s morning when we reach the house. Edward is no worse for wear beyond a little dust, but I’m a disaster and as he goes into the living room I head around the back to the laundry room. I’ve found it and stripped my shirt off when Esme comes in and takes the bundle of cloth from my hands.

“I can do that for you.”

“You don’t have to do my laundry,” I say awkwardly. “I messed it up…I don’t know if it’ll clean up but I’ll try.”

Esme begins filling the sink with water. “We’ll soak it and see. I’m quite good with bloodstains you know! And I don’t mind doing it at all. I don’t expect you did the laundry at home.”

I scratch my hair, which is matted with blood. “I did all the laundry for everyone for about six months last year,” I say diffidently. “My Ma…there was going to be another baby and she had to go to bed. Hannah and Maggie did most of the house stuff, but the laundry was too heavy for them and someone had to do it. So I learned how. I’m pretty good with a mop too.”

Esme laughs at me. “I’ll be sure to remember that Emmett. Your mother recovered though?”

“Yes ma’am…Esme,” I say. “She lost the baby in the end, but she was fine after a bit.”

“Oh, I am sorry,” she says, and she does look sorry. She frowns as she looks down at my knees coming through the pants and the blood spatter on them too. “Give me your pants too, and I’ll soak those as well,” she says. “I can patch them…if that’s okay. I mean, we don’t usually do that, and of course we can go out and get new ones if you prefer, but perhaps…well perhaps while you’re getting used to things we could patch them and keep them for hunting? Only if you don’t mind, as I said I’m happy to buy new, you mustn’t worry about the money…”

I can’t help but laugh at how anxious she is not to offend me with her suggestion that I wear patched trousers. “Esme, I was fourth in line for clothes in my family,” I say earnestly. “I’ve worn clothes that were more patches than pants…I don’t mind, really! It’s a good idea.”

“Okay then, off with them and give them to me,” she orders, and I sit down on an upturned bucket and start unlacing my boots.

“I lost a child too,” Esme says after a moment, as she stands and stares out the small window.

I glance up at her. “I’m sorry.”

She smiles. “He lived for two days, the sweet little thing. I was heartbroken when he died. My husband was not a good man, and after my little wee boy died I thought I didn’t have anything to live for. So I tried to kill myself by jumping off a cliff.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again, which doesn’t seem like quite the right thing, but I haven’t had anyone tell me they’ve tried to commit suicide before and I don’t know what else to say.

“Carlisle changed me after that. I’d met him, years before, but lost touch with him and was quite surprised to see him when I awoke from the burning!”

I pull off my boots and awkwardly wriggle out of my trousers, handing them over. I can’t even offer to fix them myself- I might have done the laundry and some housework to help my Ma when I wasn’t working, but I drew the line at sewing.

“Thank you. So you see, I rather like taking care of all them,” Esme goes on. “I didn’t get to mother my own little son for very long, so all my maternal instincts are being spent on Edward and Rosalie! It would mean a great deal to me if you’ll allow me to take care of you as part of the family too.” When I nod she gives me a big smile, and then points to a tiled shower recess. “Now, I think it would be best if you just showered in here and cleaned up a little before coming into the house, if you don’t mind.”

Before I can do anything, there’s a noise in the hall and then Rosalie comes through the door, holding a catalogue in her hand. “Esme, there you are! I’ve marked what I want…” She comes to an abrupt stop when she sees me. “Oh! I didn’t know you were in here!”

Damn it. Why do I always look such a fool around this girl? She’s all dressed up like she’s ready for church and I’m sitting on an upturned bucket in nothing but a pair of socks and my drawers, with more blood on me than if I’ve been out in the slaughterhouse. Very smooth, Emmett!

Rosalie’s lips twitch, and then for a moment there’s a smile, and I give her a wink and don’t care what I’m wearing, or not wearing as the case may be.

“Oh, Rose,” Esme says. “I was just sorting out Emmett’s laundry. I’ll come and have a look with you now. Emmett, there are towels in the press, help yourself.” She heads for the door, pushing Rosalie out ahead of her, leaving me to shower alone and hope desperately that Edward’s not listening in on my thoughts as I do!

We all go out later that afternoon, to test my resistance to the scent of humans and I feel ridiculous having the four of them with me as some kind of guard. They’ve told me they’ll stop me by force if they have to though, and after seeing a demonstration of my strength in the yard earlier neither Carlisle nor Edward are confident that they can do it without extra help.

“Vampires are always strongest in their first year or so after the change,” Carlisle tells me. “You won’t always be quite this strong, but even for a newborn you’ve got more power than anything I’ve seen. It will be interesting to see how you end up.”

We move through the forest. The Cullens’ house is very isolated, but they tell me there is farmland to the north and it will be better to test my resistance on an individual or small family basis rather than deal with a town. I go along with it, since they’ve done this before and I’ve got no idea and nothing else better to do.

It’s hard to concentrate though, out in the forest. The sensory input is still so overwhelming that it’s hard to stay on one thing. I find myself distracted by my own skin, by the reflection of light off leaves, by a spider web swaying in the breeze. At one point I stop, transfixed by a bustling ant hill, and don’t even move until I hear a shout and see that they’re all a hundred yards further on and waiting for me.

Then there’s Rosalie. She comes too, a little reluctantly I think, and I’m surprised at how at home she looks out here in the forest as she walks lightly along. She’s barefoot and her hair is in a braid and she looks young and pretty. I walk next to her, wishing I could reach out and take her hand the way Carlisle is clasping Esme’s just ahead of me.

“We’re getting close,” Carlisle says, dropping Esme’s hand and walking backwards so he can look at me. “Just be ready Emmett.”

I shrug, wondering how I can get ready for something when I don’t know what it will be like, and half disbelieving that it will be as difficult as they say it is. And of all the foolishly arrogant thoughts, that’s what is in my mind when the first scent of it drifts by on the breeze and I nearly come undone.

There aren’t even words. The scent disappears as quickly as it came, but I know where it came from and I’m moving in that direction, fast and purposeful.

“Emmett, steady on,” Carlisle says anxiously, but I don’t listen. The smell comes again, and my mouth is flooded with venom and I can’t think of anything except how much I want it.

Edward places a hand on my arm but I only want one thing now and I hit back at him, hearing his muffled curse words and then the slightly panicked tones of Esme. Carlisle shouts at me to stop, but none of it reaches me until _she_ speaks. Rosalie. All she says is my name, but it’s enough.

I don’t stop, but I slow down and a moment later she’s beside me. She reaches out a hand but doesn’t touch me, and when our eyes meet she says my name again, softly, and this time I do stop.

“Rosalie, be careful,” Carlisle says quickly.

“It’s fine,” she says to him calmly. She’s still not touching me, but she’s looking into my eyes and her gaze is keeping me with her, even as the rest of my body is twitching and rocking from foot to foot, desperate with want. “It’s fine, right Emmett?”

“I want it,” I say hoarsely. “I can smell it…sweet Jesus, I want it.” The wind picks up and the scent intensifies and I rake my hands through my hair and squeeze my skull and moan. “I can’t…fuck, fuck, fuck…” I know I’m swearing like a sailor even though the ladies are right there, but I can’t help it. In fact, as the scent swirls around me and I stumble down on to my knees, I think I’d swear in front of God himself if he expected me to go through this torment.

I’m on my knees, whimpering like a baby, thinking that I can’t do this and I’m just going to have to go after that blood and to hell with it all, when Rosalie drops down beside me and leans her head close. Her hair swings forward, and for a moment all I can smell is her and my head clears.

I catch her eyes, desperately ashamed of how little control I have. “I can’t,” I mutter. “I can’t…I want it too much.”

“You can,” she says, and it’s the bossy angel back again and I laugh kind of hysterically. “You’re doing it now, Emmett. Feel the thirst…it’s burning, I know that, but you’re fine. You’re here, you’re resisting.”

She’s right, and I grip her hand for a moment and try and steady my breathing. I can do this.

“That’s good Emmett,” Carlisle says encouragingly. I notice that he and Esme and Edward are standing behind Rosalie, between me and the source of that blood that I’m still so incredibly thirsty for. “You’re doing fine.”

I shut my eyes and try to breathe it in and breathe through it. It’s probably about the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I focus on the touch of Rosalie’s hands and a few moments later I get unsteadily to my feet. “I’m good.”

We move closer until we’re on the edge of the forest, and across a small field I can see two men working on a fence. The burn of the thirst is acute, and Carlisle and Esme and Edward are bunched close ready to grab me, but it’s Rosalie’s hand in mine that is keeping me here.

I can’t handle it very long. I become aware that I’m rocking up on my toes and every exhalation of breath is coming out in a moan, and I yank my hand out of Rosalie’s and turn away. “Fuck this…I’m done.”

I run on the way back. I want to get away from it, far away from that temptation. It’s worse than I thought it would be, and any confidence I had that I’m going to be able to do this is shattered. I get back to the house and sit on the step, waiting for the others, dreading what I’ll see in their faces.

To my surprise, no one seems in the least bit upset with me. In fact they’re smiling as they come up and sit beside me.

“That was fine, Emmett,” Carlisle says. “It’s difficult, we know, but for a first time you did fine.” I look up at him, but his eyes are clear and honest and he nods at me. “Really…you should be happy with that.”

I frown. “But I wanted it so much. If you hadn’t been there…”

“It gets easier,” Esme says comfortingly. “Truly, it does. You’ll know what to expect next time and you’ll be more prepared for it, which makes a big difference.”

Edward grins at me. “You didn’t kill them,” he points out. “And any contact that results in humans being left alive has to be counted as a success at this point.”

I shrug, a little bewildered. I was whining like a baby out there, and they all thought it was fine? My brothers would have mocked me from here to kingdom come for being such a little bitch about anything. I sigh and lean against the porch railing, not saying anything else as Carlisle and Esme and Edward go inside.

Rosalie perches on the other end of the step. She doesn’t look at me, instead she wraps her arms around her knees and looks out into the forest, but we sit together in silence for a time and after a while I start to feel better, just because she’s there.

“Thank you for stopping me out there,” I say quietly.

She shakes her head. “You did it yourself. I couldn’t have stopped you if you’d really made up your mind to go after it.”

I wish she’d keep talking. Her voice is as smooth as caramel and as clear as bells. I’m suddenly so tired, not physically but emotionally, that I wish I could just lay my head down in her lap and listen to her talk until I fall asleep and could forget about all this.

“Do you ever wish you could sleep?” I say plaintively.

She looks at me, and for just a second that controlled and aloof mask she always wears cracks and she looks impossibly sad. “Every single day,” she says in a voice so quiet I can barely even hear her. “I wish for it every single day.” And rising to her feet she walks back into the house, but as she passes by I would swear I feel her fingers brushing across my hair.

Alone on the step I think about what they’ve all said, and wonder how long I’m going to be able to hold out against that temptation.  


	8. And then comes the fall

I last a week.

It’s a long, strange week, getting to know the Cullens and getting to know myself the way I’ve become. Every day we lurk in the shadows near the humans and I practise breathing in the scent and resisting the siren call of it. I learn how to handle this vampire body, discovering that the strength and speed is almost unlimited and that even if I try I can’t hurt myself. Carlisle catches me out in the yard demonstrating to the hysterical Edward that my head is, in fact, harder than an axe head now, but he makes me promise to stop trying to cause damage which puts an end to that avenue of entertainment. He assures me that unless they all band together and tear my limbs off I am pretty much indestructible. Mostly I think he just wants me to stop breaking things on purpose, since I’ve probably broken more things by accident in three days than Edward has in three years.

Edward and I get along great. He’s certainly got a stick up his ass half the time, but once he gets over himself he’s good people. He’s fun to hang around with, and once he’s relaxed he’s got a great sense of humour. I enjoy spending time with him- it’s like having a brother again, except better because this time I’m bigger and stronger instead of being the baby and always being whaled on.

Carlisle and Esme are good too. They’re endlessly patient with my questions and exuberance and unfortunate tendency towards destruction. Every day they plan something that increases my exposure to humans, to build up my resistance, and they’re always encouraging of my efforts.

One night Carlisle has me tell him how to find my family, and he and Edward take a pile of money and leave it on the porch for them to find. I promise myself to pay them back, even though it will take me years and I’ve no idea how I can earn money when I want to kill everyone I come across, but I don’t object to their plan. I can’t go back, but I know my absence will be felt keenly and that the money will make up for it, at least in part.

When they come back they tell me that all my family are fine. They went down to the hotel while they were in Gatlinburg and learned that when I didn’t come back the knapsack and the shotgun and all the blood was found out in the forest and it’s assumed that I was killed and my body carried off by animals. Which is close enough to the real story, I suppose, and gives my family an answer. At least Pa got the shotgun back.

Edward was right when he told me I’d have a lot more time on my hands. Too much time, I think sometimes. I hunt a lot, usually with Edward or Carlisle, on one memorable occasion with Esme, who wants to see for herself why I kept coming home in such a mess. Never with Rosalie, for all I ask her every time.

With no animals to take care of or food to source and prepare and clean up after, there aren’t that many chores. We need wood if we want a fire, but since we can just break the trees up with our hands and everyone’s perfectly capable of doing that it doesn’t take up that much time.

Carlisle goes to work at the hospital, and Esme does a lot of work around the house. Edward and Rosalie go to classes at college, although I think Edward takes a lot of time off to babysit me. He knows how to play just about every game under the sun and teaches me three new card games and how to play chess. I even start reading, imagining how much my Pa would laugh to see me hunched over a book for hours on end. I’m kind of surprised by how much I enjoy it though- once I focus on the words I find that, although I can’t touch Rosalie for speed, I can now read a whole lot faster than I ever could before and with my vampire memory I don’t ever forget anything.

Along with all this, there’s Rosalie, and she’s the biggest mystery to me in this new life. I feel like a fool for it, but I am aware of her every minute and find myself unconsciously orienting myself towards her, like she’s the centre of the universe and I’m held in her orbit, moving around her but never getting close.

She doesn’t talk to me. I mean, she’ll answer me if I talk to her but she’s not very forthcoming. She never initiates conversation and even though I’ve always been able to talk the hind leg off a donkey, when it comes to Rosalie I find myself stumbling over my words and unable to talk to her either. At the same time, I _know_ she feels what’s happening between us. I catch her looking at me and before her eyes skip away I see the tempest there and I want, more than anything, to soothe her. I see the shadows behind her glorious white gold outside, I see the way she’s strung as tight as a bow string ready to snap, but I don’t know how to reach past her mask and touch her. I don’t even know if she wants me to try.

She’s away, in town with Esme, when it happens. I’m out in the yard, whistling and breaking branches for firewood, seeing how many things I can juggle now. A lot, as it turns out, although I get a bit overenthusiastic and send one of the logs catapulting through the study window, shattering the window.

“Oh damn,” I mutter. “Esme’s going to kill me.”

Edward leans over the window sill from his room, where he’s been doing some Edward shit for the past three hours. “Nicely done, Emmett.”

“Unless you’re going to help me clean it up, you can just shut up,” I tell him cheerfully. “It wouldn’t have happened if you’d get your nose out of your books and come out hunting with me like I asked.”

Edward rolls his eyes. “I told you before…”

But I don’t hear what he’s told me before, because my sharp ears catch the sound of footsteps on the driveway. Then there’s that scent, the delicious call of a warm human heartbeat and I’m off and running, feeling nothing but burning thirst and overwhelming desire.

It’s a man. Dusty boots and dirty clothes and a hat pulled low over his forehead, a pack on his back. I see it all but I don’t see it, focussed only on the pulse beat I see in his neck, behind his beard as I dive at him. He doesn’t even see me coming. My teeth tear through his skin- so much easier than an animal- and then I’m gulping down blood, my whole body trembling because _holy fuck this is like orgasm so good so good sweet Christ yes…_ and then the heartbeat stutters and falters and stops, and I’m sitting back on the dust of the driveway with blood all over and the body of a man sprawled face down on the ground beside me and Edward’s horrified face as he looms over me.

“Emmett!”

It’s like coming out of a trance, seeing what I’ve done, and I let out a wild string of curses and scramble away from the remains of the man I’ve just slaughtered. “Oh fucking shit!”

Carlisle is out on the porch a second later, taking in what’s happened as I clutch at my hair and stagger, feeling sick over what I’ve done. At the same time my body is humming and alive and for the first time the thirst is gone. “Fuck, fuck, mother fucking hell…I didn’t even think! Fuck, I couldn’t stop, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” I can’t stop babbling as Edward flips the body over and shrugs at Carlisle.

“An itinerant, most likely,” Carlisle says quietly. “Check the pack Edward.”

I’m moaning with the awfulness of it all, and I can’t stand still as Carlisle approaches me. “Emmett, you need to calm down.”

“I can’t, I fucking can’t, I…Jesus, I ripped him apart…oh Christ I killed a man…” I was no angel in my twenty human years, but I’ve never killed someone, and this body in front of me has his whole throat ripped open and his blood, what’s not coursing through my body, is spattered over my shirt and smeared on my face and my hands. “Fuck, fuck, I’m sorry…fucking hell…I did that…shit…”

“Where’s Rosalie when you need her?” Edward mutters, and the next minute I’ve got my hands around his throat and I’ve slammed him up against the porch railings, his feet dangling a good six inches above the ground.

“Don’t bring her into this! I don’t want her to see me do this shit!”

“Emmett!” Carlisle is standing beside me, and his tone of voice is like Pa when he’s had enough and is about to get the belt out, and I respond automatically by dropping Edward to the ground and sinking onto the steps with my face in my hands.

“I’m sorry…Jesus, I’m sorry…”

“It’s all right,” Carlisle says. “Look at me Emmett- it’s okay.”

I risk a glance, and although he looks solemn he doesn’t look angry. Even Edward, absently rubbing his neck, doesn’t look mad.

“It’s okay,” Carlisle repeats. “It was a mistake Emmett…it’s okay.”

“Itinerant looking for work, as far as I can tell,” Edward says, dropping the pack. “There’s a letter from a sister in there, a Bible, nothing else personal. No wedding ring, no photographs, no money. He was probably coming here for something to eat.”

Carlisle looks relieved. “Okay then. We’ll deal with it.” He looks down at the body and I see that he looks sad and my whole soul cringes with guilt.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble again. I know the words won’t fix anything, but they’re all I can think to say.

“It was a mistake,” Edward says. “You weren’t expecting to be tempted out here and he caught you by surprise. It’s not your fault…I should have been paying attention. I should have known he was there before you did.” 

     “No blame game,” Carlisle says quietly. “Learn from your mistakes and move on- you know that’s how it has to be done.” He looks down at the forlorn body on the ground. “Edward, you and I will take care of this before Esme and Rosalie get back. Emmett, I think you should go down to the river and clean up and calm down.”

Wordlessly I turn and do as he says. The water feels good as I scrub off the blood, and I spend a long time lying on the bottom, feeling it wash over me as I stare up at the blurred sky above me. When it comes to swimming I kind of love that I don’t have to breathe anymore, it’s very peaceful lying under the water, with the sounds and lights muted, and I feel much calmer when I step back out onto the bank. I can’t bring myself to put the blood stained shirt back on, so I ball it up in my fists and trail slowly back to the house.

The girls are back. I hear their voices, but I don’t go inside. For all Carlisle and Edward didn’t seem to blame me I feel wracked with guilt, and alongside that I feel the bitter sting of failure. That man was the first real test of my self-control I’ve had to face, and I could not have failed more completely.

 I slump down in the porch swing, setting it rocking gently, and stare out at the forest. It’s not two minutes before Esme comes outside and puts her arms around me.

“Emmett my dear, I’m so sorry,” she says. “Please don’t tear yourself up about it- I know you feel awful, but we have to acknowledge our mistakes and move on. You can’t allow yourself to let guilt destroy you.”

I give her a hopeless look, and she impulsively kisses my forehead and I wish I had my mama here.

“I’ve been where you are more times than I care to admit,” she says softly. “I made so many mistakes myself Emmett, in the early days…it’s so very hard. But it is possible, and it gets easier all the time.”

She leaves me then, and a little comforted I slide further down in the swing, putting my feet up on the porch railings. I’m glad that Carlisle and Edward aren’t angry and it’s reassuring to know that Esme has done what I did and says it will get easier, but in the end it’s not their opinions that matter most to me. It’s Rosalie. I remember Edward’s words- _she doesn’t like what we are_ – and feel myself shrink at the thought of her contempt.

It’s hours later, almost evening, when I hear them talking. I haven’t moved and no one’s bothered me, and I’m aching all over because all I want is some sign from Rosalie that she doesn’t think I’m kin to the devil and it hasn’t come.

“Rosalie…” Carlisle says softly. I can tell they don’t mean for me to hear, but I listen anyway. I can’t hear what Rose responds, but then Esme speaks and she’s fierce and I start to love her even more for taking up for me.

“I don’t care, Rosalie,” Esme said sternly. “We’ve said we’re not interfering with whatever is going on between the two of you and we’re not. But you get yourself outside right now and say something to that boy to make him feel better about himself. It’s the least you’d do for any other member of the family, and he’s one of us now too. Now scoot.”

A minute later Rosalie’s beside me, scowling behind her and not looking like she’s going to make me feel all that much better, to be honest. But she smooths her face out and looks at me for a minute, as I studiously look down at my hands in my lap, and then says quietly, “Do you mind if I sit down?”

I wave my hand, unable to find my voice. Damn the way she does that to me!

She sits down carefully, and the swing moves a little. She’s wearing a blue dress and her hair is loose and I have to jerk myself back as I unconsciously lean towards her, breathing in that scent. She leans back in the swing, head resting against the cushions, and pushes off with her foot.

“You don’t have to say anything,” I mutter at last. “I know they made you come out here. You don’t have to pretend like what I did doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter that much,” she says surprisingly. “Well, it probably matters to the man you killed! But it doesn’t matter that much to me. You’re a vampire- you did what we’re supposed to do. We try not to do it, but we’re fighting nature every day and sometimes we’re going to lose.”

“Edward says you’ve never done it,” I say quietly. “You’ve never fed off anyone.”

She glances at me sharply and then looks away. A moment later I just about fall off the swing because she looks at me with the most unreadable look I’ve ever had from her and says softly, “I tasted _you_ , you know.”

“What?”

“When I found you and the bear.” Her hands twist together in her lap. “There was so much blood, everywhere. I knew you were dying. I was going to…make it happen quicker, but I didn’t. But when I leaned over you, I tasted some.”

I don’t know if this makes me feel better or worse. Part of me thrills to the implied intimacy of it – _I tasted you, you know_ – but the rest of me just wants to throw up my hands at the knowledge that I took down some hobo who hasn’t bathed in weeks and she pretty much had me ripped open and all my blood out on a platter for her and yet managed to resist draining me.

“I’m glad you found me.” There’s so much more I want to say, but for now that’s all I can manage.

Her hand drifts out and touches mine, her fingers curved over my knuckles. Every nerve in my hand sings- I’ve never been so aware of anything as I am of her touch. “I didn’t want you to die.”

For a moment we’re caught in a frozen tableau, hands touching and gazes locked and the air between us crackling with so much that’s unsaid, but then she snatches her hand back and rises to her feet in one swift motion.

“It will get easier,” she says steadily. “It does. And you can’t let it tear you apart, because there’s nothing to be gained by that. You have to accept what you’ve done and go on in spite of it.” She turns and walks down the porch to the door, stopping with her hand on the frame to look back at me. “You should come inside now.”

I get up and follow her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- So there you go, real vampire Emmett! According to canon he made a lot of mistakes and killed quite a few people, but I think it would have been hard for him. I don’t want to be too gratuitously violent in this either, but they’re vampires- they have to eat people occasionally. As for the man he killed, it’s another Depression thing, a lot of men without work just walked the roads looking for odd jobs and food, which is why the Cullens can just bury him and not worry about it- if anyone noticed he’d gone missing no one would know where or when.
> 
> Rosalie tasting Emmett- I wrote about that in Chapter 10 of Love, Want, Need if you want to read Rosalie’s view of what happened when she found him.


	9. And I finally find Rosalie

It’s different, after that. We still can’t _talk,_ but she stops avoiding me. She is more relaxed and sometimes, when she’s with Esme or Carlisle, I hear her laugh. Like a chorus of angels, it’s a sound I want to hear again and again.

Then one day, I sit down and play yet another game of chess with Edward. Yet again I lose, and as I flick my king over in defeat I mutter a curse word under my breath and scowl at Edward’s satisfied smirk.

“He cheats, you know.”

For a moment I’m so surprised to hear her talk voluntarily that I don’t react, but then I swing around to face her. Rosalie is kneeling up over the back of the sofa looking at me and Edward in amusement.

“You’ll never beat him,” she adds.

Edward scowls at her, and she smiles back at him angelically. “You know you do, Edward. You’re just reading his moves out of his head and maybe you can’t help it but that’s cheating.”

I look at him and realise that of course it’s true. “Asshole,” I say, forgetting that I’m trying not to swear so much in this house.

Edward shrugs and stands up. “You play with him then, if my cheating offends you so much,” he says to Rosalie. He gives me a grin. “For the record, I would have beaten you all those times even with cheating. You’ve got no idea about the art of a well played chess game.”

I laugh, but I’m distracted by Rosalie rising from the sofa and taking Edward’s place on the opposite side of the chessboard. “Games of chance,” she says to me. “They’re the best things to play with Edward. Nothing involving strategy and never, ever play cards with him.”

She’s playing white so she moves first. I recognise one of Edward’s favourite openings.

“Did he teach you too?” I ask, making my move.

“Sort of. My father taught me to play when I was younger, so I knew the basic rules. But I never played much until I was with the Cullens, and Edward taught me most of the strategy I know. Not that any of it is any use against _him_ of course!”

I notice that she says ‘the Cullens’ like she’s not one of them, and I can’t resist asking her about it. “You don’t consider yourself a Cullen?”

Rosalie looks surprised at my question. “It’s complicated,” she says finally, after giving it some consideration. Her hand touches the pendant around her neck and I know enough now to recognise that it’s the Cullen crest on it. Edward and Carlisle and Esme all wear it on some version of jewellery.

We keep playing. She’s not as good as Edward, but she’s better than I am and she wins easily. Once we’re done she smiles at me and leaves the room, and after a moment I wander upstairs after her. Her door is closed, and with a sigh I mooch along the hallway and into Edward’s room.

He’s laying full length along the sofa reading, and doesn’t look pleased to see me. “I thought you were playing chess with Rosalie.”

“We finished. She won.” I reach out to snatch his book but he stuffs it down the side of the sofa to get it away from me.

“That was quick- did you even try? She won’t thank you for letting her win. Well, I don’t want to play with you. Go away.” He sounds uncharacteristically irritated.

“I didn’t let her win! I’m just not that good. Can’t you take your nose out of your damn books for five minutes?” I whine. “I’m bored.”

“Go and talk to Rosalie then.” Edward’s mouth twitches and he frowns at his book. “Go on! She’s in her room, go in there.”

“I can’t.” I mutter sullenly.

“Oh, for goodness’ sake! The two of you…” Edward rolls his eyes and sighs. “Just go and see what she’s doing. I’m busy. Go talk to her…trust me Emmett!”

“Fine then.” I’m annoyed he won’t play with me, but he’s given me an excuse and I slam out of his room and pause by Rosalie’s door, knocking gently. “You in there?”

I hear her surprised tones saying yes, and I push the door open and step through. It’s the first time I’ve ever been in here and she always keeps the door shut, so I look around with interest. It’s very different to the austere masculinity of Edward’s room. The wainscoting is painted cream and the walls above it are spring green. There are two painted landscapes hanging up, and a map of the world pinned on the back of the door. She has a cream dressing table and closet and full length mirror, and a cream bookcase crowded with books and all kinds of objects. She also has a brass bed, piled high with embroidered pillows in a rainbow of colours, and I have to look away from that fast because it’s making my thoughts go in only one direction and I know Edward’s still close enough to listen in.

Rosalie herself is sitting cross legged on the floor looking up at me, a thousand tiny parts spread out on a blanket in front of her as she constructs a model aeroplane.

“Do you mind if I come in?” I ask, a little redundantly since I’m already in.

She shakes her head. “No. That’s okay.”

I can’t possibly sit on her bed, so I lower myself carefully down beside her blanket, looking at the half built model in front of her. “You’re making this?”

“Yes. I like to make things.” She waves a hand at the ceiling and looking up I see several model planes already built and hanging suspended from invisible threads and spinning slowly in the draft from the door. The top of her bookcase also holds a matchstick replica of the Eiffel tower and two matchstick models of bridges.

I watch her work for a minute, her slender pale hands steady and skilled as the fits the tiny parts together, her brow furrowed in concentration.

“Couldn’t you just do this at vampire speed and have it finished in an hour?” I ask eventually.

“I could if I wanted to.” Rosalie sounds amused. “But half the point of doing it is just to fill in time…besides, I’m still kind of new at this vampire thing and Carlisle says it’s good practise to do things at human speed, even when you don’t have to. That way it becomes second nature and you don’t have to think about it when it does matter.” Her words finish in a sigh.

I look around her room, thinking about how much my sisters would have loved all this girlish prettiness. I can’t believe I’m actually in Rosalie’s space after all this time, and I look around for anything that might give me more insight into her.

Like Edward she has a lot of books, but her tastes seem to be a lot less easy to define. There’s a lot of fiction, but it seems to cover all genres, and the non-fiction books seem to range across all topics as well. I flip open a couple of books at random and see that she underlines and writes notes in the margins in her tiny, perfect script.

I look up to see her watching me, and I’m momentarily embarrassed. “I’m sorry…do you mind?”

She shrugs. “Go ahead. Look at whatever you want.”

I move along the shelf, looking at the books and the trinkets and other items that she’s kept. A jewelled Easter egg catches my eyes and I take it in my hands and examine it. It’s pink enamel and sparkles with what look like diamonds and amethysts. “Is this thing for real? Like, real diamonds?”

“Yes.” A second later Rosalie’s kneeling beside me, her fingers brushing mine as she takes it from my hands. “It’s a Faberge egg…see?” She presses a hidden catch and the egg pops open to reveal a golden, jewel inlaid flower. “Carlisle gave it to me when we were in Europe last year.”

“Christ,” I mutter, “How much money do these people have?” I’m relieved I’m not holding the egg anymore- the last thing I want to do is break some priceless artefact.

“Lots.” Rosalie says, adding after a moment, “You think about money a lot.”

I frown a little defensively. “People usually do when they don’t have any.”

“Maybe so. But the Cullens really don’t care about money. Edward’s rich and Carlisle has more than he could ever spend…even when he goes about buying Faberge eggs for baby brats,” she finishes with a half smile.

“I bet you weren’t a brat,” I say.

“Oh, I was though!” Rosalie giggles, and it’s a sound so light and beautiful I’ll do anything to hear it again. “I’m glad he bought me my egg though, I love it. It’s so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as you,” I say without thinking, and suddenly it’s there again, that feeling between us, as I stare at her while neither of us breathes, and it’s like the whole world has stopped as she stares back.

Rosalie breaks the moment, pulling her eyes away as she replaces the egg on the shelf, biting her lip as she thinks. She looks half scared, and I know without being told that she feels that intensity between us and doesn’t know what to do with it. For all I want to just wrap her up in my arms and never let her go I also know that unless she walks into my arms of her own accord she’ll never stay there, so I summon up reserves of patience that I don’t even know I have, and smile at her shakily.

“My little sister would love that.”

“You had sisters?” Rosalie looks happy that I’ve changed the subject.

“Four sisters,” I tell her. “They’re twenty two and fifteen and eleven and five. I’ve got five brothers too, three older and two younger.”

“That’s a lot,” she says with a laugh. “Your poor mother.”

I laugh too. “What about you?”

“There was always just me.” 

She tells me a little of her life in New York then, and I talk to her about Tennessee. She shows me her things, half shyly like she doesn’t think I’ll care to see them, but I want to know everything there is to know about her. And there’s so much to know once she opens up to me.

She’s smart as a whip, definitely the smartest girl I’ve ever talked to. She’s started doing history at college but she doesn’t care much for it, and prefers the mathematics she’s working through out of Edward’s old books. She’s read every single book in her room. She had her eighteenth birthday just before she was changed. Carlisle taught her to drive and she loves it. She writes in a journal like Carlisle’s, although not as regularly as he does. She loves reading about travel. She listens to radio plays. She builds model aeroplanes and wants to learn to fly a real plane one day.  She considers Edward her brother and the two of them bicker like children. She loves Esme. Her feelings towards Carlisle are more ambivalent, although she doesn’t want to talk about that. She wants to know about me.

The more we talk, the more she relaxes and the more clearly I see her. This beautiful girl’s heart shines out of her- fierce and passionate and hurting, and although she doesn’t tell me her dark secrets yet, that’s okay. I know we have time, and I know I’ll wait as long as it takes for the chance to bring her some light.

We talk through the rest of the afternoon, and then the night and the next day. The others don’t disturb us, and it isn’t until I feel the increasing demands of my thirst that I realise how much time has passed. I try and ignore the burning for as long as I can, not wanting to leave her side and not sure she’ll come out with me, but then she stops what she’s saying and looks at me.

“You’re thirsty,” Rosalie says softly.

“I’m okay.”

“You should go out. Your eyes…they’re getting very dark.” For a moment her hand rests light as a feather against my cheek.

I want to hold her hand and press it to my face, I want to place kisses in her palm, I want to touch her flawless face and look into those beautiful moonshine whisky eyes while I touch her and…

“Emmett!” It’s Edward, in the doorway, and at the sound of his voice Rose yanks her hand back like it’s burned and I can see her retreat. “Come on, let’s go hunting.”

“I’m good.” I’m not really, but I’m irritated that he interrupted.

“No you’re not,” He flatly contradicts me, but he sounds quite cheerful. “You’re thirsty, I can tell, so get outside. The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll be back.”

I try to catch Rosalie’s eye. “Will you come? Please?”

But she’s shaking her head no before I even finish speaking, and with a sigh I get to my feet. “I’ll come back soon.”

She gives me a smile of such beauty that I wonder for a moment if I’m going to be able to walk away from her no matter how thirsty I am. “Go on then. I’m not going anywhere.”

Reluctantly I follow Edward and his self-satisfied smirk downstairs and out into the forest. It’s getting dark, and I open up my senses to the world around me, searching for prey.

“Aren’t you glad you listened to me and went to talk to her?” Edward says smugly, raising his eyebrows at me. “It all seems to be going well?”

I look at him. “So you planned it all out then?”

“Not really.” He gives a theatrical sigh. “I was just so _tired_ of listening to the two of you moan in your heads! I know Esme said not to interfere, but I figured a little nudge wouldn’t hurt…”

“Thanks.” I reach over and thump him on the arm, hard enough to make him stagger although I don’t mean to. We walk on, and after a moment I say seriously, “Why won’t she hunt with me? It’s not just that she’s not thirsty…it’s a real thing that she won’t. What’s that about?”

Edward hesitates. “You can’t just ask me to tell you what she thinks. Believe it or not I do try not to overhear things I shouldn’t and privacy is incredibly important to Rosalie. If you want to know what she thinks you should ask her yourself.”

“I will ask her,” I say. “But if I just had some idea where she’s coming from?”

“Would you want me to tell her what _you_ think about?” Edward asks with a grin.

I shrug. Most of what I think about I’d tell anyone. Although there was that time when I thought about her in the shower, and that time in Edward’s room and, okay, _most_ times when I’m by myself and not expecting anyone to come around and I think about her... “Point taken. Perhaps not,” I concede, hearing him chuckle.

 We hunt down some elk, and I do feel better once I’m full. We run back to the house because it’s fun and because we can, and we’re both laughing when we come back through the door.

Rosalie is downstairs, sitting beside Esme on the sofa and writing in the journal propped up on her knees, and I can’t stop the huge smile that spreads across my face at the sight of her. When she sees me standing behind Edward the tension of her shoulders relaxes a little, and even though she goes back to what she’s writing I don’t miss the tiny smile on her face as she does so. 


	10. Reminders of monsters

Falling in love with Rosalie is as natural as the world turning. I’m sometimes surprised when I realise that only weeks ago I had no idea she even existed, and now my whole world centres on her golden eyes and her smiles.

We spend most of our time together. I find it easier to resist the temptation of human blood when she’s with me, and every day she pushes me a little more and I feel stronger and more sure of my ability to resist. We play games, and listen to the radio and work on her models and walk through the forest and talk. Endlessly we talk. She makes me laugh and surprises me every day with the things she reveals about herself.

She’s not perfect, and despite what she looks like she’s no angel. She’s stubborn to a fault, she’s bossy and overly fond of getting her own way, she and Edward fight like cat and dog until I want to just smack their heads together some days, and she sulks. And yet I love my Rosa girl in spite of, or even because of, her flaws. I’d say they’re what make her human, except that she’s not human…but they do make her real, and for all I’m now part of this messed up mythological world, I do love real.

It’s all going fine until we’re out in the forest one day and come across some deer. Too caught up in being with Rosalie who still refuses to go out with me I haven’t been hunting as often as I probably need to in order to keep control. Without even thinking about it I grab one of the deer bounding away and pretty much inhale it. It’s even kind of neat – for me, anyway. There’s only blood on my face and one streak across my shirt. Edward would be impressed with me, I think, as I turn around to find that Rosalie is anything but. In fact she’s glaring at me.

“What?” I say blankly.

“Was that really necessary?” she snaps.

I glance down at the drained carcass in my hand. “I was thirsty, they were there…”

Rosalie turns and stalks back in the direction of the house. Frowning, I quickly take care of the body and follow her, wiping the blood off my face with my sleeves as I do so.

“Rose! Wait up!”

She doesn’t stop, but she’s not flat out running which means I can catch up. I fall into step beside her, still not sure what’s got in to her. “What’s wrong?”

Rosalie shakes her head. “Nothing.”

It is so clearly NOT ‘nothing’ that I can’t help but give a disbelieving laugh, which only serves to enrage her further.

“Look, I’m sorry…I was thirsty. What’s the problem?”

“Forget about it.” She’s moving faster now that we’re closer to the house, not looking at me.

“Rosalie…” I make the mistake of reaching out and grabbing her arm, wanting only to make her stop and look at me and tell me what I’ve done that has upset her so much. It’s stupid, I’ve seen how she reacts to being touched like that, but I do it without thinking and it’s only when she whirls around and slams her fists into my chest to push me backwards that I realise my mistake.

“Don’t touch me!” she snarls furiously. “Leave me alone!”

And under the astonished gaze of Edward and Esme, who are out in the yard pacing out the house extensions Esme wants to do, Rosalie storms into the house and a second later we hear the distant slam of her door.

“Oh dear,” Esme says anxiously. “What happened?”

I hold up my hands, baffled. “Buggered if I know…oh, sorry Esme…I don’t know. We were out and we came across some deer. So I killed one and she flew off the handle.” I rub self-consciously at my face, hoping the bloody remains of my snack are gone.

Edward winces but gives me a sympathetic smile and I know he knows more about what I’m dealing with than he’s said.

“You could tell me something,” I say resentfully. “Just a hint…help a brother out!”

Edward shrugs. “Talk to Rosalie.”

“Like she’s going to open her door to me now!”

“I didn’t mean talk to her right now!” Edward exclaims. “I meant when she calms down. Look Emmett, I’m sorry. I really am. But you know what she’s like- anything I tell you she’ll consider a betrayal and she’ll hate you for knowing.”

I know he’s probably right, but it’s frustrating as hell to know that she’s angry and hurting and there’s nothing I can do about it. Leaving Esme and Edward to their plans I go out the back and break up about three months’ worth of firewood to relieve my feelings. When Rosalie still won’t open her door after that, and in fact won’t even answer me when I try and talk through it, I shrug my shoulders and head off towards town.

It’s the first time I will have been that close to humans on my own, although by now I’ve taken a few trips in to town with Rosalie and know my way about reasonably well. I take precautions while I’m on the way- I’ve already had the deer earlier, but I strip naked to save my clothes and bring down an elk to stuff myself with. I even feed on a stupid sheep I find that’s broken its legs falling into a ravine, but that’s a mistake as I swear I’ve walked another two miles before I finish picking all the wool out of my teeth.

Despite my objections and the fact that I haven’t actually bought anything myself since I’ve been with them, Carlisle keeps insisting on giving me money, so I’ve got a nice haul in my pocket as I stroll into town, whistling. I stop for a moment on the outskirts, adjusting to the smell of temptation that’s so strong here, before I continue on my way.

I pass the hotel and think that it would be fun to find a game of cards going on, but I know my control isn’t that good and I’ll never last. There’s a cinema here too and I think about how much fun it would be take Rosalie one night, but again I don’t think I have a snowball’s chance in hell of controlling myself in an enclosed space with humans for the length of a picture show. In fact town is busy and even out here on the street I’m feeling twitchy, so I know I don’t have long to find what I want to buy and get out of here.

I find a department store and, after a momentary hesitation, go in. I breathe only when I need to talk, which helps, but there are still a couple of dicey moments when someone brushes too close to me and I find myself trembling slightly with the effort of holding back. I’m glad to get back outside without incident.

I move fast on my way home. It’s a relief to be away from the temptation of humans and out in the clear air. I also realise I didn’t tell them where I was going, and although I don’t have to ask permission I think they might be concerned that I’ve been gone so long. Sure enough, Edward and Esme and Carlisle are outside on the porch, looking down the driveway when I appear.

“Everything all right, Emmett?” Carlisle asks.

“Sorry I didn’t say anything.” I stop at the bottom of the steps, looking up at them. “I didn’t think to. I just went in to town.”

Esme’s face is concerned. “It went well?”

I grin. “I was a very good boy. I just went shopping, that’s all.”

Edward’s eyes sparkle, and I know he’s looking in my head at what I bought. So with a flourish I bring the baseball bat out from behind my back and twirl it like a baton before I fling it at him.

“There you go, my friend. For you.”

Carlisle laughs, a little bemused, but the smile Edward gives me has me grinning, because I know I’ve got this gift right.

“Emmett…” Edward holds the bat and swings. “What a good idea.”

“It’s about time you all got outside and did something besides read all day,” I joke. “Bunch of lazy good for nothings! You play, right?”

“Not since…before,” Edward says, and his eyes gleam at he looks at the smooth wood of the bat.

“Well, I figure we can scratch up a game between the five of us,” I say cheerfully. “And be prepared to lose for once Edward, because baseball is my sport and I’m going to beat your skinny ass into the ground…s’cuse my language again Esme.”

But she’s laughing at me, and no one minds. “You want me to play baseball?” she asks with a smile.

I toss her the hardballs I’ve had stuffed in my pockets and she catches them both reflexively. Oh, vampire baseball is going to be fun! “See, you’re a natural,” I tell her happily. “Set it up Edward- I’m going to go upstairs and get Rosalie.”

Edward snorts. “Good luck with that!”

I elbow him hard in the ribs as I pass him, hearing him grunt, and then I’m bounding up the stairs and knocking on Rosalie’s door. I don’t wait for her to answer but push open the door immediately.

“I didn’t say you could come in.”

“You didn’t say I couldn’t,” I counter, looking at her. She’s huddled up in the farthest corner of her bed which looks oddly white. It takes me a moment to realise that she’s shredded all her pillows, and there’s a layer of feathers and cotton batting spread across the bed. “Cripes…you look like you’ve been having fun.”

The look she gives me is venomous. “If you’ve come in here to poke fun, you can just get the hell out.”

Damn, I love the dirty mouth she has on her sometimes!

I drop down onto the other end of the bed, sending a cloud of feathers rising into the air and then gently settling back down. Several of them catch in my hair, and I see her lips twitch as she hides a smile.

“Come on Rosa girl,” I say gently. “Don’t be mad at me…I’m sorry.”

She sighs and slides forward on the bed so that she’s sitting beside me, her legs dangling over the edge.

“I’m the one who needs to be sorry,” she says, and I can tell how hard she finds it to say the words. I wonder how often my pretty, spoiled girl has needed to say sorry in her life. “I was unfair Emmett, and mean, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s the hunting, isn’t it?” I say quietly. I remember Edward telling me _she doesn’t like what we are_ and I know I’m right. She hates what we are, what she is, and the hunting is the biggest part of that. “You didn’t want to see me do that.”

Rosalie’s eyes are huge in her pale face. “I know it’s what we are. I know that you were thirsty and you needed to.”

“But you still hate it,” I finish for her.

She nods and looks away. “I do hate it. I hate the baseness of it, the violence of it…I hate being reminded that I’m a monster.” Her voice is low and rough with emotion. “ _I hate what I am, Emmett, and I don’t ever want you to see me doing that.”_

“I like what you are,” I say, and my voice is hoarse with how much I feel for her. “I like everything you are…and one day we’re going to go out hunting together.”

She shakes her head, but her eyes are caught in mine and I don’t let her looks away as I move my face closer until we’re only inches apart. “We will,” I say, and it’s barely more than a whisper. “We’ll go hunting and I’ll watch you feed, my Rosa, and it will be beautiful because it’s you…”

I can feel her sweet breath on my face, and her lips are right there and for a second I think I’m going to kiss her, finally…but there’s a shout from the yard, and Carlisle- damn him! – calls my name.

“Just a second!” I shout back, but the moment’s gone and I turn back to Rosalie with a rueful grin. “I went into town,” I say. “I bought Edward a baseball bat and they’re setting up to play. You have to come out and play too.”

She giggles. “I don’t know how.”

I pick the feathers out of my hair. “You’ll be good at it. Come on, I need you on my team so we can teach that smart ass Edward a lesson in humility.”

I know that will get her, and she laughs again and nods her head. “Okay, I’ll play.”

“I bought something for you too,” I say, reaching into my pocket for the jewellery box. I feel shy all of a sudden, and as I hand it to her I hope fervently she likes it.

Rose opens it slowly, and takes out the bracelet that’s in there. It’s plain and simple, a silver bangle bracelet with a smooth oval stone set in it. I don’t even know what it is and it wasn’t the biggest or fanciest or most expensive- I picked it because it was the same colour as her eyes and I don’t think there’s anything prettier than she is.

“It’s not a Faberge egg,” I say, a little awkwardly. “But it’s a little more me…I hope you like it.”

“I do.” Rosalie slides it on to her wrist. “I do like it Emmett, very much…thank you.” She brushes her hair back and smiles at me, and all I can think is that I wish I’d kissed her when I was so close.


	11. When vampires play

“Emmett! Rose! Are we playing out here?”

It’s Edward, and just for a moment I could hit him with the baseball bat I’m so aggravated. But I shake my head and bounce to my feet, holding out a hand to Rosalie. “Come on, let’s go play ball.”

It’s a funny game. It’s pretty clear that the yard isn’t going to be big enough right from the start, so after some discussion we head out through the forest to the farmland in the north. It’s twilight by the time we get there and while there’s a tiny risk that someone might see us, Edward promises he’ll keep his mind open for anyone approaching. Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie have never played, and the ladies don’t even really know the rules, so Edward and I have to explain but vampire physicality means that the actual skills aren’t going to be much of a problem.

Then we play, and it’s brilliant. It’s like being a kid and playing with my brothers again, only better because it’s all a thousand time faster and the hitting is harder and the running is like flying. When I tag Edward out on base the two of us go sliding halfway across the field in a shower of mud and grass and wild laughter. Carlisle acts like he’s as young and carefree as Edward and I, and after some initial diffidence even Esme gets into it.

Rosalie is crazy competitive. She runs like I haven’t ever seen her do to catch me out, and she takes on Carlisle leaping to catch, the two of them crashing into each other in mid-air and falling back to earth with a laugh. She’s also got a mouth and a swagger on her that would do any street player proud, and she disputes my calls like any brawler would. Best of all, she laughs. When I first see her wrap her strong hands around the bat I swallow hard and have to look away, and Edward snorts in disgust and beans me on the head with the ball.

“Mind out of the gutter Emmett!” he shouts.

I flip him an obscene gesture and turn back to Rosalie, who’s standing on home plate with the bat. She’s obviously been paying attention, because her stance is pretty good, and I toss the ball at her easily.

She doesn’t even bother to take a swing at it; in fact she puts her hands on her hips and glares at me. “What was that? If that’s the best you can do you’d better give it up already!”

“You asked for it then!” I laugh, catching the ball that Esme, who’s playing short stop now, throws back to me. “No mercy, Rosalie!”

“Bring it on!” she taunts, eyes on the ball, and this time I don’t hold back as I pitch to her.

She connects, and it’s a noise like a gunshot as the ball flies into the outfield. Edward scoops it off the ground and hurls it back to me and I race to second base to tag her out, only to forget about anything else as Rosalie slides under my outstretched hand on to the plate, her skirt bunching up around her hips and giving me an eyeful of leg.

Shit, I can see her knickers…my mind is so far gone from the game that I don’t even help her up. I’m brought back to earth by Edward’s disgusted snort as he grabs the ball out of my hand and makes a face at Rosalie, who’s smoothing down her clothes with a smug look.

“And you say I cheat!” Edward’s mocking is friendly, and Rosalie laughs and sticks her tongue out at him.

“I can’t help it if that’s what happens when you slide in a dress!”

“Sure, sure,” Edward grumbles. “Next time, Emmett, I’m going to take her on since you’re so soft!”

Christ, soft is the last thing I am right now, and I shove my hands in my pockets and turn away from both of them, grinning to myself as I scuff my feet on my way back to the pitcher’s mound. This was a really, really good idea.

No one really wins in the end but we all have a good time. I claim victory just to irritate Edward, who pretends to be above it all but is just as competitive as Rosalie when you get down to it.

The others go home to shower and clean up when the game’s over, but I stop by the river and dive in there. Since I don’t get cold a river is just as good as a bathtub, and it’s a lot more fun and peaceful.

I want a moment by myself again too. Since no one in this family sleeps there’s never that sense of new beginning that I always used to get with a new day. There’s never any end to anything- it’s just a whole long string of things that happen with no days and nights to break it up into manageable pieces and sometimes my head feels like it’s going to turn inside out with the effort of keeping up with it all. After Rosalie being mad at me, and going out among humans by myself for the first time and playing ball I just need to lie under the water and stare at the moon and not think for a while. I feel kind of sorry for Edward really, when I think that he has all his own thoughts plus everything else anyone thinks all clamouring away for attention inside his brain…no wonder he’s so uptight all the time.

I can hear Edward playing the piano as I approach the house, and as I cross the yard I can see through the window that the fire is lit in the living room. I pause in the doorway, smiling, as I see that someone has pushed back the furniture and Carlisle and Esme are dancing. It’s old fashioned and sweet, and as Edward moves his eyebrows at me at pretty much the same rate his hands are moving on the piano keys, I wonder where Rosalie is and turn and look for her.

She’s coming down the stairs, all clean and fresh in a new dress and with her hair loose down her back, and when she sees me she lights up with a smile. I know then that I’m never going to get tired of this, that I want her coming towards me with that beautiful smile for the rest of my immortal life, and I can’t stop the grin that’s spreading across my face.

Rosalie stops in the doorway beside me, watching Carlisle and Esme with her eyes soft. “They haven’t done that in a long time,” she whispers.

“Dance with me?” I say impulsively, and for one heart stopping moment I think she’s going to say no. She doesn’t though, instead she tucks her hair behind her ear and takes a deep breath and nods, and I finally, _finally_ , get to take her in my arms.

_Beautiful._ It’s the only word in my mind, the only thing I can think of as I hold her. Her hand in mine fits so perfectly, and I can smell the amazing scent of her hair and feel the long ends of it tickling against the hand I’ve got on her back. She looks up at me through her lashes and as her breasts brush against my chest I have to kind of angle my hips away from her, because being so close to her has me crazy excited, and I don’t want her feeling that right now.

It’s kind of playful at first. Rosalie laughs and bats her lashes in fun as I twirl her about the floor. She’s good at this, and it’s not just the vampire grace either- I would bet she could dance when she was human. My older sister used to make me dance with her so she could practise, so I show off all my moves and make stuff up and let Rosalie boss me into doing what she wants for a bit. Then Carlisle and I trade and I dance with Esme for a song. I can’t think of anything but Rosalie though, and I guess Esme can tell because after just one song she laughs as she kisses my cheek and pushes me back towards Rosalie.

This time Rosalie shivers as she relaxes into me, and I know that she feels it too, this same pull that is making my whole body feel alive just because she’s near me. I kind of forget about dancing then and just hold her close, feeling her body curve and fit against mine as my arms wrap around her- thighs, belly, chest all pressed together. I finally dare to bury my face in her hair and breathe her in, and just for a moment the whole world is perfect.

Edward’s still playing, slow and quiet and romantic, and I know I’ll owe him for the rest of my life for what he’s done for me tonight. He gave me a reason and excuse to touch her, and now that I’ve started I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to stop. Rosalie has a hand on my back and one on my chest, and although I can’t see her face where it’s pressed against my chest I don’t need to. I can feel her steady breathing, and the way she fits herself against me and doesn’t flinch away from my cock which she must be able to feel hard on her belly, and I know in my heart that she is happy. We move to the music, and although we don’t talk we touch, and that says so much for us. I forget about Carlisle and Esme, I forget that Edward’s playing the piano for us, I forget about everything except the feel of this beautiful white gold angel in my arms and how much I love her.

“I love you.” I don’t mean to say it, it just slips out, and I wish I’d kept my mouth shut when she stops and pulls her head back to look at me. But the words are out there and I mean them, so I cup her face gently in my hands and tell her again. “Beautiful girl, I love you.”

Oh, the look she gives me! The way I see all that pain flare behind her eyes and the quick shake of her head and the way her whole body stiffens up with tension!

“Please Emmett,” she whispers. “I can’t…” and her broken voice can’t even finish.

Bewildered, I shake my head. “Rosa… I’m not asking for anything. I’m just saying something, that’s all. That I love you, and that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me…”

She doesn’t say anything else, but she pulls away and runs and I’m left standing there, bereft.

Carlisle and Esme were kissing by the doorway, but they break apart as Rosalie barges by, and Edward’s piano music stops, the silence feeling louder than the sound was.

“Well, that didn’t work,” Edward murmurs, and I turn on him with real dislike.

“Do you have to? I know I’ve fucked this up, I don’t need you putting your smart ass comments in!”

“Emmett,” Edward holds up a hand. “I didn’t mean you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Much as I didn’t want him blaming me for this debacle, I’m equally furious at him criticising Rosalie. “Leave her alone!” I snap unreasonably.

“Calm down Emmett,” Esme says gently. “It’s just Rosalie. You know her- you know that she’s complicated.”

I throw up my hands. “I don’t know what to do! I love her, but it’s like every damn thing I do is wrong!”

Carlisle and Esme murmur sympathetically, but I know what they think about interfering so I turn back to Edward.

“You say you love her,” Edward looks at me steadily. “You mean that?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re willing to do what it takes?” Edward’s eyes are boring in to me. “Because I will tell you this Emmett, Rosalie is never going to be easy. A relationship with her is always going to take work, because that girl has been broken and even though she’s put herself back together there are scars there that you haven’t even glimpsed yet. If you take on loving her you are taking it _all_ on and you had better be damn sure that you want it before you make her love you. Understand?”

“Yes.” I don’t even hesitate. She is all I want, that golden eyed girl, and I will do whatever I need to if she’ll only let me love her.

Edward sighs. “Then go after her. Now. She needs you, even if she thinks she doesn’t.”

I don’t wait. No matter what Edward had said, I wouldn’t have been able to stay away from her now. Not when I remember what it was like to be so close to her, and how furious and afraid she had looked as she tore herself away. I jump to my feet and bound out of the room, knowing where she’ll be now.


	12. Sometimes hell is on earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- Okay, this chapter deals with Rosalie’s rape and assault and human death. We’ve read the book, we know what’s going to happen here, and if this is a subject that will bother you, please don’t read it.

I silently push open the garage door and step inside. Rosalie is on the other side of the space, sitting against the wall with her knees drawn up and her arms wrapped around her legs. I can’t see her face for the spill of fair hair falling across it.

It’s funny that this is her space, her place that she goes to when she needs solace. She looks like she belongs in a palace, with nothing but silk fabrics and fine china and gold around her, but it’s out here with the cars and the tools and smell of grease and oil and earth that she retreats too.

There are so many things I _want_ to do, but I’m learning patience at the hands of this beautiful girl so I hold back, and ask her quietly if I might sit down. She nods assent and I slide down the wall to come to rest beside her, my legs stretched out. I’m close enough to touch her, and I have to clasp my hands together in my lap to physically stop myself from reaching out.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” I say at last. “I meant no offence.” _I just thought you might want to know what’s in my heart._

“I’m sorry too.” Her voice sounds bleak, and as she brushes her hair back away from  her face to look at me I’m enveloped in the scent of her, summer afternoons on the river and my mama’s cakes, and something else that I can’t even define but that pulls me towards her like a magnet. “You didn’t do anything wrong. But I have to tell you Emmett, I’m not the girl you think I am. I’m sorry, so sorry for all of this, but I can’t be what you want.”

“But you are what I want,” I say simply, because it’s true. Rosalie is everything I want, this beautiful girl with the perfect face and fierce, hurting heart. She doesn’t have to be anything but what she is. I love her boldness and fire and passion, and I want to love her enough to chase the shadows from her golden amber eyes, if she’ll only let me.

“No.” She shakes her head. “You don’t know me Emmett, not really.”

She’s wrong about that. I _do_ know her. I’ve watched her since I woke in this world and in some ways I think I know her better than she knows herself. But I also know I won’t convince her of this, so I smile at her gently and let her lead. “So tell me.”

“They haven’t told you how I came to be here with them.” It’s a statement, not a question, but I shake my head anyway. Whatever happened to end her life, whatever horrors she endured that shaped her into this brittle and angry girl, I have not been made privy to the details. For someone who knows everything and doesn’t allow anyone around him to have secrets, Edward is good at keeping other people’s confidences.

“I was engaged to be married,” Rosalie says. She doesn’t look at me, instead she stares straight ahead and speaks in a hard, flat voice that I’ve not heard her use before. Her body is motionless, but her hands give her away- twisting her pendant, tangling in ribbons of hair, and looking at them it is clear to see how anxious she is. I don’t even think she realises she’s doing it as she keeps talking.

“His name was Royce King. He was the son of the wealthiest banking family in town, and he wanted me from the first moment he saw me.” Her lip twists. “Well, he wanted this face, and this body…he wanted something pretty and ornamental to hang off his arm and show off to his friends. We were going to be rich and secure and important and the envy of everyone…I was just vain and stupid enough to believe that that was what mattered. We were engaged within two months of meeting, and our wedding was planned to be the grandest affair ever seen in town.”

Unconsciously, Rose twists her hands together as she continues. “It was only a week before the wedding, that last night…I’d been out, visiting a friend, and was on my way home when it happened.”

She stops talking for a moment. I look at her steadily, her teeth biting hard into her bottom lip and her fingers wrapped so tightly in her hair I think she’ll wind up pulling it out of her head before she finishes her tale. I want to take her in my arms, I want to kiss away the indentation her teeth have made in that kissable lower lip, I want to soothe her hurt and anxiety more than I’ve wanted anything, but I know that if there is ever going to be anything between us she needs to tell me her story and I need to listen. So I take a tighter grip on my own hands, and wait for her to continue.

“It was late. Too late really, I should have accepted Vera’s offer to have her husband walk me home. But I didn’t, and it was dark and cold as I hurried towards home. I heard them first- a group of men drinking on the street corner. I didn’t realise it was Royce until he stepped towards me and called my name. He sounded…different, which must have been the drink, but he was my fiancé and I saw no reason to be wary. I thought he could escort me the rest of the way home. He had other ideas.

“He took hold of me roughly, and the buttons came off my coat. He was pawing at me, saying disgusting things to his friends like I wasn’t right there to hear them…he tore my dress, and when I tried to pull away he hit me.” Her hand drifts up to touch her cheekbone. “It hurt and I cried out, but he seemed to like that and he hit me again. His friends were laughing, and encouraging him…”

I’m not breathing. I don’t want to hear what I know she’s going to say next. I don’t think I can stand hearing about some fucking animal hurting her in that way without wanting to tear someone apart for it, but her voice is steady and relentless as she goes on.

“He pushed me to the ground and tore off the rest of my clothes. I didn’t know what he was going to do, my mother had spoken vaguely of ‘marital obligations’ but she didn’t explain so I didn’t even know about _that_ until he did it. He didn’t care how much I screamed or cried- the more I struggled and the more he hurt me the more he liked it. I thought it was over when he finished…but he gave me, all broken and bleeding, to his friends and then it happened again, and again until all I knew was the pain, and the blood, and the way they were laughing.”

I’m a vampire now and I know it’s impossible, but I can feel my stomach heaving like I’m going to vomit. It’s worse than I was expecting, this story of brutality and evil, and the pain that tore my beautiful angel away from her living world of sunshine cuts me deep.

“Carlisle found me and brought me to his home. He saw that I was dying, I was very close, and for his own reasons he changed me. When I woke up, when I realised what I was, what I _am_ …I hated him for it. I hated him for taking everything away from me. I hated Esme for allowing it. I hated Edward for being such an awful know it all. I hated everything. I was so angry, I destroyed everything I could get my hands on, and the only thing that gave me any comfort at all was the thought of revenge.” She closes her eyes, and her voice is a little less steady when she starts spilling words again.

“I thought revenge would help. I planned it all out, and one by one I hunted down every one of the men who had been there that night and hurt me. I killed them all Emmett, not for their blood – I swear I never even tasted a drop of that!- but just to make them feel one tiny part of what they’d made me feel. I saved Royce for last, because I wanted him to know I was coming and to feel afraid, and I was like some avenging demon when I punished him. I drove him almost to madness with terror and pain before I finally killed him. I’m a killer Emmett, I became a monster… _and I’m not sorry._ ” The last is said in a whisper as her head drops, and I know she’s done.

A long moment later she tilts her head to look at me and, unable to stop myself anymore, I reach a hand out and trace my fingers down her face. “None of that matters,” I say, and I can tell by the desperate look in her eyes that she wants to believe me. She wants me, but for all her outward fire and prickliness and aggression Rosalie is like a lost little girl inside and she’s terrified of being hurt again. I stroke my hands through her hair, and the strands feel like silk in my fingers as she leans her head towards my touch.

“I still remember seeing you in the woods, like an angel come down from heaven to save my life…we were meant to be together, Rosalie. I don’t want anything else but you now.” I don’t look away from her huge golden eyes, feeling that pull towards her I’ve felt since the first moment I saw her in the forest. “I’m sorry all that happened to you. Men like that are scum, you gave them what they deserved and I’m proud of you.”

One of my hands is still in her hair, but with my other hand I gently catch up one of hers, fitting it easily into mine. I raise it to my lips and kiss her knuckles, seeing her eyes widen. I don’t know if I’m about to make things worse, but the fact is she’s looking at me with those big wide eyes and her lips are parted just a little and she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I’ve never been good at holding back my thoughts.

“I hope you know that it isn’t always like that when a man lies with a woman,” I say slowly. “It should _never_ be like that…there can be a great deal of pleasure in that physical love and maybe…well, maybe one day you might find that you trust me enough to let me show you. I love you Rosalie.”

I mean what I say. I want to lie with her, damned if I don’t want her more than I’ve ever wanted any other woman in my life, but it’s so much more than that. I want to give her all the love she deserves, I want to show her that her body is capable of giving her as much pleasure as pain, and if she never touched me in return I would still never leave her side.

Rosalie slides closer to me, rising to her knees, her eyes locked on mine. It takes all my self control not to grab her and crush her to me but I know what she needs from me so I sit, quiet and still, and look at her as she leans forward and kisses me.

 


	13. Because I love her

I’ve kissed a few girls before, but it’s never felt like this. Her touch starts off light as a bluejay’s feather brushing across my lips, and I follow her lead with soft butterfly kisses that soon enough turn harder and hotter. It’s like her mouth is made for mine, and our tongues tangle together as I catch her full lower lip in my teeth and nip at it gently, hearing her unconscious noise of happiness deep in her throat. My hands move over her arms and back and catch in her hair, guiding her face against mine as we continue this hot, wet exploration of mouths and tongues and teeth.

She pulls away first, her eyes dark and her breath coming in short pants. Her lips are swollen with the kissing and her own desire and I can see her searching my face for an answer on what’s going to happen next.

“I want you,” I mutter hoarsely. “I want to touch you, touch you everywhere and give you what you’ve never had…but I want you to want it too, Rosa girl. I won’t do anything to hurt you, only do what you want to and when you say yes.”

She likes the kissing, she’s been kissing back with growing confidence and need, and I can smell a slight scent of arousal from between her legs that is making me burn, but I know I can’t rush this. If I frighten her, I’ll lose her. I want her, but anything that happens now is going to be on her terms.

Rosalie nods at me, and then I find my breath stuttering as she reaches behind her and unfastens her dress, sliding it down off her arms. She holds it so it still covers her breasts, and her eyes seem to be mutely pleading with me.

“May I?” I ask, holding out my hands but not touching her. She nods, but I wait until she licks her lip and whispers the word _“yes”_ before I let my hands clasp the fabric of her clothes and slowly draw them away from her body. She needs to know the power of saying yes, the power of choice, of giving herself freely without coercion or fear or force.

Holy mother of god, but she’s beautiful! She’s kneeling beside me, motionless as I slide her dress and underwear off, and for a minute I think I’m going to come in my pants just as the sight of her. High, round breasts with their rosy pink nipples already hard, the long planes of her ribs and belly sweeping down to the thatch of fair curls at the apex of those endless legs…I yank my own shirt off, careless of buttons and seams under my vampire strength, and kneel beside her. Her eyes are shut tight, and it hurts me to see her ashamed of being the beautiful, sexual woman that she is under all that fear and anger.

“Open your eyes my angel,” I order softly, tipping her face up towards mine. Her dark lashes flutter open and her eyes meet mine, and I feel her relax as I smile down at her. “Don’t hide, pretty girl…there is no shame in this Rosalie. No shame now, not here with me.” My eyes sweep across the beautiful sight of her nakedness once again. “Look at you! So beautiful! God made you so perfectly to give and receive pleasure, and there is nothing in the world wrong with that, Rosa girl.”

I trace my hands down across her neck and then cup her breasts, feeling their weight and softness as they fill my hands. My thumbs move in slow circles around the nipples, and then as I brush across them my girl whimpers and leans towards me, mouth blindly seeking mine. I laugh gently, not because it’s funny but because there’s no other way to express my joy at seeing her body come alive under my hands, and the two of us sink slowly to the floor.

There are long moments of kissing, open mouths and wet tongues and demanding lips, and then I trail kisses across her throat and down, until I can take one of those delicious strawberry nipples into my mouth, sucking and lapping and nipping at her while she clutches my shoulders and neck with her strong hands and gasps. I’m so hard it hurts, but I ignore it as I watch her react to what I’m doing, hearing her little sighs and whimpers and seeing her unconsciously start moving her hips, clenching her thighs together against what I know she must be feeling down there.

I have to tear myself away from her breasts, but there’s so much more I want to do to her and I know she’s ready for it. I move my head down her body, swirling my tongue in her belly button to tickle her, before I gently press my face into the blonde curls between her legs. Oh sweet Jesus, let me do this right!

I feel her freeze, and I look up her with a loving smile. “Okay? I want to, Rosa…if you don’t like it I’ll stop.”

God, I want to do this- the smell of her arousal is driving me crazy and if she says no I think I’ll start crying like a baby denied his favourite toy, but fortunately she gives me a shaky smile in return and lets her legs relax. I push them gently apart with my hands and suddenly she’s spread open in front of me, all pink and pretty and slick with arousal, and I don’t know how anyone could inflict anything but pleasure on something so delicate and perfect.

I touch her with my tongue and she jumps, but she tastes as good as she smells and with a moan I bury my face in between her legs, lapping and licking and tasting and I don’t know who’s getting more out of it, me or Rosalie. Then my tongue touches on the little bundle of nerves at the top of her slit and I feel her whole body shudder. Oh god, pretty girl, that’s right, that’s good…I’ve got my hands on her hips to keep her against my mouth and as I lick and suck and flick with my tongue I can feel her excitement. She’s moaning and gasping and saying my name, her legs wide open as she rubs against my face, demanding more, harder, faster…Just knowing how much she’s enjoying herself has me ready to explode, but it’s not about me and I don’t think about anything but Rosalie as she fists her hands in my hair and shouts my name and begs me for more. Until her words jumble into nothing but the most primal of sounds as she comes, thighs clenched and her whole body shuddering and trembling with the strength of her climax.

  “God, you taste so _good_ ,” I mutter, kneeling over her to look at her lying there, all limp and bleary eyed with satisfaction, her body still trembling with the aftershocks of what she’s just felt. I kiss her briefly, and smile at her. “Yes? Good?”

Rosalie nods, and I laugh at the blissed out look of wonder on her face and roll over to lie on my back beside her.

“I didn’t know…it could be like that…for girls,” she says quietly, and my heart aches for my pretty baby and what she’s endured to get to this point. That glorious body, and she’s never known what pleasure and joy it can give her, and what a gift it is when she is the one to choose to share it. I throw a quick prayer of thankfulness out into the universe for Nellie, who taught me years ago that not only is it possible for it to be like that for girls, but that I wouldn’t be any kind of man at all if I didn’t try my damnedest to make sure it was for any girl who chose to lie with me.

“It should always be like that,” I murmur. “The right time, the right person…your body is made to enjoy, and be enjoyed.”

“But there’s more to it…for you. Right?” Her eyes go down to the bulge in my pants, and a brief frown crosses her face.

It’s a good thing I don’t have a beating heart, because I think it would have just stopped at the thought of that pretty, kissable mouth on my cock. I swallow hard and smile at her. “You can do that to me if you want to! But…yes, there’s the rest of it. Not today if you’re not ready though…not ever if you don’t want to. I want to give you pleasure, Rosa girl, just to see you feel it, not to get something in return.”

I mean it too. Seeing her move under my mouth and hands, hearing her noises as she lets go of herself, feeling her shuddering with pleasure…oh, it’s been a good day’s work here. But she can turn and walk away right now and I’ll still fall at her feet and do it all again tomorrow, just for the joy I got from seeing her happy.

She sits up beside me, her face intent. “But, if I want to…”

God, what this girl is doing to me! Sitting up beside me naked, all soft skin and blonde hair and smelling so good with that dampness on her thighs…I want to just fling her down on her back and ride her hard until I come, but we’re not there yet. So I fold my hands behind my head and close my eyes, smiling at her. “I’m all yours pretty girl. Anything you want.”

I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I take a deep breath and try and calm down while I wait for her to make a move. It’s all up to her now. Then I feel her hands working slowly on my buttons and I nearly jump out of my skin when I hear her whispered words. “I want all of you.”

She pulls all my clothes off until I’m as bare as she is, and I peek at her under my lashes to see her reaction to what’s now out on show. I’m worried she might be scared, and although her eyes widen a little at the size of my cock, hard and twitching up along my belly, she doesn’t look afraid. Instead she reaches out, slowly, and run her fingers along my length, then looks at me for reassurance.

“It’s okay.” Fuck, it’s _better_ than okay. “You’re not going to hurt me. You can touch me however you want.”

She strokes me again, not taking her eyes from me and I start counting cows in my head just so I don’t tip over the edge and come all over her hand right then. “Do you _want_ me to touch you?” Rose’s voice is low and husky.

Oh sweet Jesus, _yes_. I swallow hard. “Yes.”

She runs her palm down my penis and cups my balls, and I have to clench my thighs and strain to keep still under her touch. When her hands wrap around my cock and slide up I can’t stop myself from groaning and pushing up in to her hands though, because it is just too damn good. All those times I touched myself imagining it was her, ashamed because I knew Edward would know what I was doing, but not able to stop myself even so…the reality is so much more.

“Do you like this? What about this? When I do…this?” Rosalie demands answers as her fingers move over me, touching and rubbing and stroking and pulling, and soon enough I’m nearly falling apart under her hands, groaning and gasping and muttering _yes, yes, yes, sweet jesus yes._

Finally I can’t take it anymore, and I reach down towards her. “Come here…I can’t _not_ touch you, I have to…”

She slides up beside me and I hold her close to me, feeling her breasts flatten out against my chest and my cock pressing hard against her thighs as I plunge my tongue into her mouth, kissing and tasting her all over again. “God I want you so bad, Rosa.” I look at her, eyes dark with lust, and ask her. “Are you sure?”

She nods, and I take a deep breath, hoping I can hold out long enough to make this good, not sure if that’s possible after all this build up. I slide my hand down between her legs, feeling her all wet and warm and wanting as I rub her, listening to her tiny mewling noises as I push a finger inside her, and then another one. No resistance, no pain for her- just this impossibly hot, wet tightness around my fingers as I use my thumb against her clit and she moans and rocks against my hand. Oh, my girl, this is so good...I feel her teeth on my shoulder as she approaches her peak and I pull my hand away, smiling as I hear her moan of protest.

I push her legs further apart with my knees to fit in between her, and support myself on my elbows as my cock nudges at her entrance. God, she is so ready and I am so _beyond_ ready for this, but I want to hear her say it.

“Tell me,” I say hoarsely. “Tell me Rosa girl, tell me what you want…”

“I want you,” she whispers. “I want you Emmett, now, please…”

  _Anything for you, beautiful girl._ I push into her slowly, giving her time to stretch around me and adjust to this, but she doesn’t want that and with a frustrated grunt she thrusts against me hard, and I groan as suddenly all I can feel is her- hot and tight and wet along the full length of me. And after that I’m gone, I’m thinking only with my cock as I slide out and thrust back into her, again and again and again, feeling her move with me and hearing her moaning and saying my name and begging me for more. This is like nothing I’ve ever felt before, and as Rosalie screams into my chest and convulses around me I feel like I’m turning inside out as come, lights behind my eyes as I jerk and shudder and empty myself into this beautiful girl who has become the whole world to me. 


	14. Then she was mine

I roll off her- vampire strength or not, I don’t want to crush her- but keep my arms around her and her leg hooked over my hip so I can keep inside her. I don’t ever want this to end. She looks at me, golden moonshine eyes full, her hair all messed up in that sexy, just-fucked way, and she smiles.

“I love you Emmett.”

Oh, holy mother, thank you…she loves me. She said so, she loves me, this pretty girl loves me… “I love you too baby.” I run my hands along the curves of her body, marvelling once again at how perfectly she was made. “You’re so beautiful…you happy, pretty girl?”

“Yes,” she says simply, and I chuckle because I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen the wound up, high strung Rosalie really relaxed.

  “Good.” Her head is nestling into my shoulder and I duck my head and rub my face in her hair. God, she smells so good! “I want you to be happy.”

“I am,” she murmurs. She kisses my chest and runs her hands over my body again. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

I laugh. “If you say so.” I pause for a minute, and then say, “I want you to promise me something baby.”

“What?” She’s instantly suspicious, and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at how quickly her hackles go up.

“I want you to promise me that next time I do something to make you mad – and every time after that – that you don’t run away from me,” I say seriously. “Because I’m going to do stuff that riles you up. I won’t mean to most likely, but I’m a knucklehead and you’re you and it’s going to happen. And you can’t run and hide because that isn’t going to fix anything.  You need to talk to me- yell at me, shout and scream and throw things, I can deal with that, but I can’t deal with silence Rosa. Okay?”

Rosalie sighs. “I’ll try.” She traces the line of hair growing down my belly and I catch up her hand and bring it to my mouth to kiss her fingers. She smiles at me and then sits up.

“Where are you going?” I ask, disappointed that she’s not lying here next to me.

“I thought there might be somewhere more comfortable than a garage floor available,” Rosalie answers, reaching for her clothes. “I have a bed, you know. I mean, only if you’re interested, of course.”

She sounds flip, but I catch the quick sideways glance she gives me and realise that it’s mostly bravado. Despite all I said, she’s waiting for me to leave her.

“Hey,” I sit up and reach for her. “Rosalie…I’m interested.”

She looks back over her shoulder at me, and I lean forward until my forehead is resting against hers. “Baby doll, I love you. You’re just gonna have to get used to that, because I’m not going anywhere. Okay?”

She looks at me steadily, but doesn’t say anything. I sigh and plant a kiss on the end of her nose before I add, “And it’s not because of what you just let me do with you either. Not that I don’t want to take you upstairs and do it all over again…oh, god, please do I want that! But what I want most is you…just being with you in any way you want.” I wrap my arms around her, and grin as she bumps her forehead into mine and then gently bites my shoulder.

“Love you, Emmett.”

Her voice is quiet, and she mumbles it into my skin without looking at me, but it’s enough. I kiss her again, hand her the dress that I was lying on, and pull on my trousers.

“I need a hairbrush,” Rosalie, dressed now, is grimacing as she tries to pull her hands through her tangled hair.

“Sorry about that.” It’s mostly my fault, the tangles- I got carried away.

Giving up on her hair, she shrugs and makes a face. “It’s going to be embarrassing enough having to walk out there past the others without doing it with bad hair.”

“Not bad hair,” I correct her absently. “It’s just-been-bedded hair, and there’s a difference.”

Rosalie gives an outraged snort of laughter. “You’re not helping!”

“They don’t have to know anything. Maybe we’ve just been talking out here.” I look at her doubtfully. Apart from the hair, her dress is crumpled, she hasn’t put her stockings back on, and both of us look a little…well, a little like we’ve been rolling around on the garage floor, if I’m honest. We don’t exactly look all we’ve been doing is talking.

Rosalie laughs at me. “Emmett, they know what we’ve been doing! As if they wouldn’t have heard!”

I shake my head, “Come on…”

“Of course they heard! Vampire hearing, remember? Don’t tell me you haven’t heard Carlisle and Esme, and they’re an awful lot quieter than you were!”

“Jesus.” I’m mortified. Of course I’ve heard Carlisle and Esme, even though I think they mostly try and keep it to times Edward and I are out of the house, but I never thought… “You’re all so good at pretending to be human that I forget that you’re all freaks.”

“Pretending is what this life is all about,” Rosalie’s voice has an edge to it.

“So is Carlisle going to want to shoot me or something? You know, for messing with you?” I’m half joking and half serious. I know that he and Esme were properly married. Who knows what the vampire etiquette is for this kind of thing?

This time Rosalie throws her head back and laughs. “No! I’m a grown up girl Emmett, and he’s not my father.” Still giggling, she gracefully rises to her feet. “Come on then, we’ll have to face them sometime.”

There’s dead silence as Rosalie and I enter the living room again. Esme looks at Rosalie, kind of concerned, but it doesn’t take Edward’s mind reading to know that my girl is happy and Esme goes back to her sewing, hiding her smile. Edward and Carlisle are sitting at the table, some medical journals spread open before them, and their eyes follow us as Rosalie tows me across the room. If I wasn’t feeling in such a good mood and generally grateful for his help, I think I’d want to punch the smirk off Edward’s face.

Rosalie stops in the doorway and for a moment looks back at them half defiantly, then tosses her head and says brightly, “I told you when I bought him home he was mine.”

And when she turns to me she’s got such a shit eating grin of pure joy on her face that I sweep her up in my arms and we’re upstairs in her room with the door shut behind us before I hear the others laugh.

She doesn’t even brush her hair. There doesn’t seem too much point, not when it’s already messed up and there’s a nice big bed that is, I have to admit, more comfortable than the garage floor.

Later, _much_ later, I brush it for her.

“You know how to do hair?” Rosalie says sceptically, as I take the brush out of her hand and pat the bed, indicating she should sit in front of me.

“I do. I can brush and braid…all kinds of skills I have. You’ve only just begun to see the full extent of my learnings,” I say cheerfully, untangling her long hair as carefully as I can.

“Oh, I see,” Rosalie says, amused. “And where did you come by such skills?”

“My grandad’s horse farm,” I tell her. “Horse hair, girl hair…it’s all kind of the same.”

“Thanks a lot!”

I laugh and keep brushing her hair, making it smooth and shiny. “Just kidding.” I separate her hair into three sections and start plaiting- it’s pretty messy but I haven’t done this for a while and it’s not like she’s going out like this. I tie the end up with a rubber band. “There you go, pretty girl.”

Rosalie doesn’t turn to face me. “And where did you learn…all that?”

“All what?”

She leans back against me and the two of us tip over backwards into her pile of pillows. Rosalie rolls to face me and hooks her leg over mine, pushing her hips suggestively into me and making me draw my breath in sharply. “All _that.”_

“Jesus, I’m glad I can’t blush anymore!” I say, making a face at her. I’m squirming with embarrassment- while there was a good lot of blue talk with my brothers and my boys when we were out drinking, I sure as hell haven’t ever talked about any of this with a girl.

Rosalie’s serious though. She not catching my eye, for which I’m kind of grateful, but she’s leaning her head against my shoulder and running her finger around the bracelet I gave her, which is still on her wrist. “I guess I was just wondering if you left behind a girl, or something…”

“Oh no,” I say hastily. “No girl, not like that. I used to go out a lot, but it was just for fun. Nothing serious.” I run a hand through my hair, feeling kind of uncomfortable. “I wasn’t exactly an angel Rosa. Not with the girls and not with other things either. I got into a bit of trouble and did some things that…well, probably weren’t the sort of things that the kind of men who came courting you before would have done.”

“It’s not as though the kind of men who came courting me before turned out that well for me,” Rose says bitterly. She takes a deep breath and when she speaks again her voice is soft. “I don’t care what you did before Emmett. It can’t have been anything that bad, because you are the best kind of person, inside where it matters.”

My heart lightens, and I think that whatever has happened in my life it has all been perfectly designed to bring me here, right to this moment with this beautiful girl naked in my arms.

“You never actually answered my question though,” Rosalie says teasingly, and I think she’s getting a kick out of making me sweat, figuratively speaking. She kisses me, hard and deep enough that I start having trouble thinking of anything much at all besides what I want to do to her next. “Who taught you all that?”

I laugh gently. “Truth?”

She nods.

“Well, lots of it just comes natural. You have a pretty girl who’s willing…you work out pretty fast what feels good. As for the rest, well when I went to stay on my Grandad’s farm I learned about a lot more than horses,” I admit sheepishly. “The year I was fifteen he had a new housekeeper, Nellie, and she thought I was all right. She was a widow and a fair bit older than me and she taught me pretty much all I know about pleasing a woman.” I look half anxiously down at Rosalie. “You don’t mind, do you? I mean, it was a long time ago and…”

“I don’t mind,” she says quietly. “I just wanted to know.” She reaches for my hand and then looks up at me from underneath her lashes. “You’re here with me now.”

“Yeah,” I say hoarsely. “I’m here with you now, and I don’t want to be anywhere else at all.” And once again I give myself to her, and my girl takes me in to herself.


	15. Talks with Edward

I lose track of time, lost in what it’s like to be with her. The sweet smell of her breath and her hair, and the beautiful scent of her arousal; the way she tastes on my tongue and feels under my hands and body and mouth. The lushness of her body and the glorious strength of her and the way she brings her fierceness to this act of being together. The way she looks at me, the way she kisses me, and the way she mouths the word _mine_ when she thinks I don’t see. 

It’s thirst that pulls me out of it, of course. I ignore it for as long as I can but she knows by my eyes when it’s getting bad, and she sends me out. I want her to come with me, but despite what we’ve been doing together she still doesn’t want me to see that. Although I don’t like it I figure that, as with everything, we’ve got time and I go out without saying any of the things I’m thinking.

Edward’s doing some work for school but he agrees to come out with me. Away from Rosalie I realise how thirsty I am and we don’t talk much as I hunt down something good. I’d like a bear, I’ve come to enjoy the taste of them better than pretty much anything else (excluding the human I drained, the thought of which still fills me with a desperate, shamed desire) but there aren’t that many around now and so instead we find one of the herds of elk that roam the forest and feed on that.

Once we’re done I lie back on the earth, looking up at the overcast sky and thinking about Rosalie. It’s quite pleasant, at least until a bloody huge rock smashes itself to dust against the side of my skull. “Hey!”

Edward is half laughing and half in despair. “I’m not going to be able to be anywhere near you if you keep that up Emmett…when it comes to Rose you keep thinking in pictures! I thought the words were bad enough, but I can’t take the visual!”

I laugh, but try and switch my thoughts. While I tend to think that anything he overhears that he doesn’t like is just his tough luck for being such a gifted eavesdropper, the idea of him seeing my girl like _that_ brings up my defences. He doesn’t need to see her naked or vulnerable or blissed out- when she’s like that she’s just mine.

“Emmett!” Edward shouts in exasperation and throws another rock, but this time I knock it out of the way and swoop down on him, hoisting him above my head despite the way he’s fighting back.

“Damn you Emmett! You’re not always going to have this newborn strength you know!” he shouts, but he’s half laughing with the ridiculousness of being held above my head like a child and I know he’s not too mad.

“I know, but I’m going to enjoy it while I’ve got it!” I throw Edward across the clearing and he somersaults through the air and lands like a cat. “It’s too much fun not to!”

He chases me through the forest then, playing the kind of chase game that we can now- involving a lot of leaping from tree to tree, throwing boulders at each other and smashing over trees to slow each other up and try and knock the other one out with the branches. We stop eventually, laughing, and I think it’s good to see Edward light hearted like this.

“I want to say thank you, anyway” I say eventually, my voice dropping to a more serious note. “For the other night with the piano, and telling me to go after Rosalie. I would have gone after her anyway, I think, but I guess I always take what you tell me pretty seriously. So…thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Edward says lightly. “I’m happy for you both. It was inevitable of course, from the moment she brought you home we could all see where it was going, but I’m glad you’re happy.”

“Yeah, I am happy.” I grin at the thought of her and then my smile fades and I ask hesitantly “And there was never anything between you and her? I didn’t come into anything there?”

“No,” Edward is quick to reassure me. “Never. Truthfully, I think Carlisle and Esme had hopes initially. They have always wanted me to be as happy as they are and I’m sure they think a mate would do that. When Rosalie kind of fell into Carlisle’s hands as she did, they couldn’t help but think she might be the answer to their prayers. But these things don’t come to order, and I’ve never thought of Rosalie as anything other than a sister.” He smiles, clearly amused by his own memories. “And goodness knows she’s never wanted me! No Emmett, I don’t think I’m betraying any confidences to say that as long as I’ve known her Rosalie has never wanted anything the way she wanted you.”

I nod in satisfaction, but don’t say anything and a moment later Edward speaks again.

“I think you’ll be good for her,” he says slowly. “She told you about her human death…”

I can’t stop the low growl at the thought of what she told me.

“Yes,” Edward’s face is pained. “It was bad. And then the way she went after them…I said the other night that she’d been broken Emmett, and I don’t think I was exaggerating. What happened to her at the end, the vampire change that she didn’t want and hates even now, everything it cost her to get revenge the way she did…I didn’t even know if she _could_ come back from what she went through. For the most part she did, but there’s always been something missing. I think you will give it to her, and she needs it. I think you’ll both be good for each other.”

I nod seriously as his words. He’s right about Rosalie, and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life taking care of her. He doesn’t say what she gives me but I don’t need him to tell me- I am getting as much or more from being with her as I’m giving.


	16. In the alleyway

Several weeks later we take a trip in to town. Edward has parcels to collect at the post office and Rosalie and Esme want to go shopping. Carlisle is at work, and I go along just for something to do.

It’s market day when we get there, a huge livestock sale, and town is packed. So many people bustling about, pressed together in the crowd, the sound and scent of them all around. We park the car in a back street, away from the bulk of the people, and stand for a minute becoming accustomed to the increased burn of the thirst.

“Esme and I are going to the boutique. I need some new dresses,” Rosalie says. Our new relationship hasn’t exactly been good for her clothes, and I have to admit it’s mostly my fault. What can I say? I’m careless and they’re always in the way! “I need some other things too…It will be very crowded in there today Emmett, you probably shouldn’t come.” She looks at me a little regretfully.

“I’ve got to go to the post office,” Edward says. He looks at me, a little doubtfully. He can hear my thoughts as I smell the people all around. “Do you want to come with me Emmett? I was going to go to the bookstore after, but it’s not important.”

I shrug, a little irritated. I know that I’m probably not that reliable or safe, but I hate the way they treat me like a child needing to be minded. “I might just hang around…”

I don’t think any of them like the idea, but they’ve got their things to do and I _have_ been controlling myself well for the past few weeks. I walk with them as far as the main street and then turn back, heading down towards the sale yards.

The horses are on the far edge, and I watch from a distance. Carlisle is right that they sense me as a predator- when I move close enough that one of them can scent me he flings his head up and snorts, neighing shrilly and dancing at the end of the rope. I move back quickly- he’s a beautiful animal with a lot of power behind him and I can imagine the devastation were he to get lose in this crowd.

I watch for a bit longer. There are some high class animals for sale and I wish I could get closer. I’m surprised at the pang of longing I feel when I think about riding- in truth I’ve missed my human life surprisingly little. With the acute vampire senses I have now meaning I see and hear and feel things so much more clearly than I used to, my human life is already starting to seem like a dim and far more distant memory than it is. So the flash of loss I feel as I look at the horses is a new and not really comfortable feeling.

I wander back towards the car. I’m feeling bored and unsettled, and the number of humans around is making me twitchy. I’m hoping Edward will have finished his errands and come back to look for me; controlling myself in the face of temptation is always easier when one of them is nearby.

I cut through an alleyway, thinking it will be emptier and easier to traverse. It’s empty, and for a minute I relax, breathing without the acute thirst that proximity to humans always brings to me.

I hear the two men before I see them. Shouting, muttered curses and the unmistakeable thud of fists on flesh- sounds I know too well from my wild human days. I should turn and flee, but I don’t _think_ , and then I see them and smell it and it’s all over because both of them are bleeding.

I’m on one of them with a guttural snarl and he doesn’t even have a moment to make a sound as my teeth sink into his neck. The blood is pulsing and pumping into my mouth and I feel my whole body shudder with the pleasure of it _oh god, so good so good want more_.

A second later the other man screams. He’s staring at me in pure horror as I look at him over the body of his companion that I’m still holding clamped to my mouth, and then he turns to run. It does no good. Not when I can see the blood running from his nose and dribbling from a split through his eyebrow where he’s been hit. He’s drunk and staggering, and I’m hyper stimulated by the blood I’ve already consumed and frenzied with the desire for more of it. He gets only steps away before I finish the unfortunate I’ve got in my hands and then seize him too. _Good good more good more sweet fuck this is good holy god more…_

  “Sweet fucking hell!” As the second heartbeat stops I drop the body and reel back, horrified as I’m confronted with the reality of what I’ve done. Two drained corpses, blood spattered liberally across the paved alley- both from their fight and from my mess. “Shit!”

I’ve got to sort this out. I can see the shapes of people walking past the end of the alley and although none of them look, it’s only a matter of time before someone comes down here. But what the hell am I supposed to do with two bodies in the middle of town? I need help.

There’s a loading dock for a store a few feet away, and with a grimace I take the bodies and hide them under the ramp, behind the trash cans. They’ll not stay hidden indefinitely, but it will last until I can find the others. I can’t believe I’m doing this- what the hell have I become?

My shirt is ruined, so I pull it off and ball it up in my hands, moving as quickly as I dare back towards the car, praying that I don’t run into anyone. Luck’s on my side in that respect, at least, and I make it back to the car unseen. Carlisle keeps a spare set of clothes in the trunk in case he needs them while he’s doctoring and I dig through them, looking for something to wear. His shirt won’t button round my chest and I’ll split the shoulders of his coat if I even try it, but there’s a sweater there and I think it will stretch enough to work. I reason that even clothes that don’t fit are less conspicuous than running about town shirtless. I check my face in the mirrors and swear as I scrub off telltale traces of blood, and then head up the street towards the post office.

I feel weird. My eyesight isn’t as sharp and while I’m not exactly staggering I’m also not moving with the vampire grace I’ve become accustomed too. I’m confused for a moment before I realise that the two men I just drank my fill of were both completely pissed, so goodness knows how much alcohol I’ve ingested along with their blood. I don’t feel drunk like I remember drunk being, but I definitely don’t feel normal either.

I sit down suddenly on a fence, my head in my hands. Damn it all to hell, I have messed everything up so badly…

“Emmett!”

It’s Edward. Moving fast towards me, and as I look up at him I realise he’s reading the story out of my head. At least I don’t have to explain.

“How many?”

“Both of them.”

“Where are they?”

I indicate back to the alleyway. “Out of sight, for the time being.”

Edward frowns. “Okay. I need Rosalie- you wait here.”

Shit. I don’t want her to see that, see the reality of my fuck up. The burn of failure and guilt threatens to overwhelm me as I stay where I am, waiting for their return. 

They’re not long. Esme has the shopping bags and Rosalie and Edward are talking in a fast, low murmur. When she sees me Rosalie breaks away from him and moves, preternaturally fast, over to my side.

“Emmett.” She grabs my face in her hands and gazes into my eyes. I don’t want to look at her, I don’t want her to see my eyes the bright iridescent red of the killer I am, but I can’t add cowardice to my list of failings and so I dumbly meet her gaze.

“It’s okay,” she says, and I think she’s reassuring herself as much as me. “What happened?”

“They were fighting,” I say flatly. “I cut through the alley to get back to the car and they were out back whaling on each other. They were bleeding.”

Esme winces sympathetically. “Oh, Emmett.”

“We need to work something out,” Edward says practically. “Emmett, show us where they are.”

I move off down the road, and behind me Edward says sharply, “Were they drunk Emmett?”

“Huh?” I blink, looking back at him.

“Never mind.” He shakes his head irritably. “Obviously they were. That’s not going to help.” Rosalie raises her eyebrows at him and Edward sighs. “Alcohol affects vampires too, when we take it in with the blood. Not very much, it’s true, but enough so that it’s noticeable if the blood had a high enough concentration. And Emmett drained two of them…”

I moan, and grab my head. “Edward, just stop, please…”

Esme takes the shopping back to the car and says she’ll wait for us there, ready to go. I move towards the alley way, leading back to where I left the bodies. Once we find them I find myself hanging back, while Edward and Rosalie look at them and then at the surrounds, thinking intently.

Rosalie looks at Edward, who nods curtly. “I agree.”

“If you’re going to talk about me, at least have the damn manners to do it out loud,” I growl.

Rosalie gives me the kind of glare that I’ve only ever seen her throw Edward’s way, and he frowns at me. “Rosalie thinks we should try and make it look like they killed each other,” he says baldly. “If we can do it convincingly it’s a better cover than two men disappearing from town on market day…oh hell.” He raises his head and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Edward look more rattled than he does at that moment. “Someone’s coming.”

I hear it then too, footsteps and voices moving closer towards us. I look at the other end of the alley but there are people there too, not moving but standing and talking. We can’t get out of here without being seen. And yet there’s nowhere to hide where we are, apart from under the loading dock and that’s already pretty crowded with the dead- the three of us aren’t going to fit in there.

“Okay,” Edward says abruptly, looking at Rosalie. “We don’t have much choice…it seems like the best option.”

She nods, and I watch in confusion as Edward vanishes under the loading dock, leaving Rosalie and I out in plain sight.

“What….?” I mumble, but she backs up against the supports and pulls me close to her. “Rosalie, I don’t know…”

“Shut up,” she murmurs. “Just do what I tell you Emmett…kiss me.” And she reaches up to curl her hands in my hair and draws my face down towards her, kissing me ardently.

I can’t help but respond, even though quite honestly I don’t know what the hell is going on. But I’m kissing her, and she’s kissing back with one hand in my hair to keep me where she wants me. She grabs my hand and guides it down to her thigh and I reflexively slide my hand further up until it’s curved around her ass.

“Two hands,” she mutters into my mouth, and as soon as I’ve got both hands under her thighs she wraps her legs around me. I hear the shouted laughter and whistles as three men stagger past us but Rosalie’s holding my head with a grip like iron and kissing me so hard I think she’s about to bust my lip open with her teeth. “Please Emmett, just do this…” and I don’t have it in me to fight her.

“They’re gone.”

I hear Edward’s voice and Rosalie immediately releases my hair and drops back to the ground, smoothing her dress down. She doesn’t look at me, and I realise the whole kissing thing was for show, just so that the men walking down the alleyway wouldn’t get suspicious about what we were doing there. Part of me is furious when I think about how much of her legs and probably ass was out there for strangers to gawk at, but I have to admit that she’s a fast thinker and it was a good idea.

“It worked too,” Edward says to me, and I know he’s been listening to my thoughts, and this is his way of warning me to keep my mouth shut and say nothing to Rosalie. “They won’t even remember anything about you…they’ll remember her legs and they’re not going to connect that with anything.” He’s looking at her with an odd respect.

Rosalie is dragging out the bodies, frowning at them. She glances up at Edward again, and he nods. “Check the pockets.”

I feel like I should be helping, but I feel so weird and the two of them seem to know what they’re doing. I don’t know whether to be impressed or horrified as they methodically check the pockets, both of them finding knives, then kneel down side by side inspecting the wounds I’ve left.

“We might be able to make it look like it,” Edward says, I guess in response to something Rosalie’s thinking. He’s not confident. “Maybe enough that they’ll take it at face value…they both reek of drink, so that’s something.”

“It needs to look more like a knife wound,” Rosalie murmurs. She has the knife of one of them in her hand, and for a moment I think I must be asleep and in some nightmare as she grabs the other man by the hair and slashes his throat, across the wound I made with my teeth, with a firm and steady hand.

I make a gagging noise and she looks up at me with that expressionless look I know she uses to cover up emotions. “Rose….” I don’t even know what I’m asking for, but she shakes her head and as Edward tosses her the other knife she makes some similar cuts in the other dead man and then stands up, flexing her fingers.

“It might work,” Edward says uncertainly. “Hard to know how thoroughly it will be investigated.”

“I’d know it’s staged,” Rosalie says quietly. “But what else are they going to think? The truth is hardly believable.”

Edward’s face clears. “Carlisle is coming. Thank goodness! Esme must have gone to the hospital to fetch him.”

They’re hurrying towards us, faces anxious. I blink, trying to clear my eyes and my head and lean back against the brick wall, head low. Esme comes right over to me and hugs me, her gentle face concerned.

“Emmett…are you okay?”

How can she be worried about _me?_ There are two fucking dead people on the ground in front of me, my beautiful Rosa has just been carving up corpses to make it look like an accident, if we’re caught we would hang for this (although we wouldn’t die, and what kind of disaster would that be?) and Esme is worried about _me?_ I don’t even answer.

Carlisle stands beside Edward and Rosalie, assessing the situation. “Not bad. It might work.”

“Rose’s idea,” Edward says. “She’s done what she can to eliminate the bite marks.”

Carlisle nods. “And no one has seen you?”

Rose’s lips tighten. “Some men saw me playing the whore- or at least that’s what they’ll remember, according to Edward.”

“That’s what they saw,” Edward says to Carlisle. “It was inevitable that they would see us, so Rosalie made it look…well, never mind. But I saw their minds and all they really saw was her, Emmett didn’t even register.”

“Good girl,” Carlisle murmurs. “We do what we have to do.” He checks his watch and scans the alley one more time. “Well, it will have to do. You all need to get home as soon as you can. These bodies will be brought into the hospital morgue and if we’re lucky it will be assigned to me.”

“Carlisle works as a medical examiner for the police,” Esme tells me. She still has hold of my arm and begins to lead me back towards the car. “Come, we need to get home.”

Carlisle touches my arm briefly as we reach the car. “I think it will likely be okay Emmett. Rose and Edward did a good job at covering.”

I shake my head and don’t answer. How to explain that the guilt is crucifying me and being found out would be almost a relief? That I feel so bad that I almost wish there was going to be some terrible consequences, because at least then I would feel like I was getting what I deserved?

No one talks as we drive home. I can’t even bring myself to look at them. Esme is all sympathy and concern and Edward is gloomy, but Rosalie drives with fierce concentration and a blank face that hides everything from me.


	17. Healing hurts

At home I light the fire and sprawl on my belly in front of it, my chin on my hands as I stare at the flames. I wish desperately that I could sleep. More than anything else right now I crave oblivion; I would give anything just to close my eyes and sleep and forget, just for a little while, the mess that my life has become. I don’t know how to fix this.

Edward plays the piano and Esme sews, then the two of them talk quietly. I don’t know what Rosalie is doing. I want her with me, I wish she would come and lie beside me, cradle my head in her arms and stroke my hair and tell me she loves me. But that deep down feeling of shame that is making my soul writhe in pain won’t let me ask her, because I know I’ve let her down and I don’t deserve her any more, if I ever did.

Carlisle returns home close to midnight. I don’t even turn my head to look at him, but I hear the weariness in his voice as he tells us, “It should be okay. They brought them in this evening, and the police believe it was a knife fight. They’re both known for drunken violence, so I don’t think the authorities are interested in looking further. I’ve signed off on the deaths and they will be released to the families. There shouldn’t be anything else officially said about the manner of death.”

It seems like I’m going to get away with it again. I think I should feel relieved, yet I don’t really feel anything but this dull weariness. I’ve been trying so hard and I’m still failing at what the others all seem to do so easily. I can’t even fix what I’ve done but need the rest of the Cullens to step in and sort out my mess. I don’t think I’ve ever felt less like a man than I do right now.

I hear the others talking in the study, but I don’t want to know what they’re saying so I wrap my arms around my head to muffle sounds, still staring into the hypnotic, dancing fire. I remember what Carlisle said about a small fire like that not being too dangerous, and I think sourly about testing it out.

“Emmett.”

It’s Rosalie. I can hear her, but I would know she was there even if she was silent. There is something about the two of us together- my body reacts to her physical presence and all my senses flare just because she’s nearby.

“Emmett, please look at me.”

She sounds desolate, and I can’t ignore the need. Not my girl sad, not after what she had to do for me today. I roll over onto my back and look up at her.

“The others have gone out hunting,” Rose says. “I told them to go. I need you Emmett.” Her hands go to her buttons and she undoes them slowly, her eyes on mine as her dress falls to the floor. I make an inarticulate noise of longing, because she was naked underneath it and now she’s revealed in all her bare and beautiful glory.

Rosalie goes down on her knees beside me. “I need you.”

“Tell me what you want baby.” I reach out a hand and lay it gently on her thigh. Whatever I was feeling is gone for the moment, lost in my desire to see my girl smile.

“I want you.” Her hands touch me, unbuttoning my shirt and opening it up to caress my chest and belly. She traces her hand up my neck and curves it around the side of my face. “Love me, Emmett.”

“You know I always do,” I say softly, as she drops her head and I pull her close for a kiss.

Rosalie kisses me, hard and deep, and then kisses her way down, sliding off my shirt and then my trousers as she does so. There’s an edge to her actions tonight and I don’t know what’s going through her head, but I know by now that pushing Rosalie for answers seldom does any good. The best I can do is wait for her to let me know what it is she wants from me.

She flicks her tongue over my nipple and I jump, and then she follows up with her teeth which makes me gasp. Her hand slides down my belly and along my thigh, tantalisingly close to where I really want her to touch me, and I stroke along her bare back, right where she’s ticklish, and she arches up and looks at me.

“I love you baby.”

“I need to be with you,” she whispers, and her eyes are intent. “You’re everything to me.” She kisses my ribs, and then moves lower, and her hair is soft and slippery on my belly as her mouth wraps around my cock and I groan. Sweet Jesus, my beautiful girl with her mouth and hands on me is taking me to the edge, and nothing matters but what she’s doing to me and what I am doing to her. I tangle my hands in her hair and push it away from her face so I can see her, and the sight of her mouth on me like that  is too much. I climax, hard, and then lie limp and subdued, my hands stroking Rosalie’s hair and back..

I’m still on my back and Rosalie kneels up and sits astride me. I love to look at her like this. The firelight lends her skin warmth and the flickering flames cast dancing shadows on the swells and curves of her body. 

  “You’re so beautiful.” My hands are stroking that perfect, soft skin on her inner thighs, and I don’t even know that I’ve started talking until I see her smile. “I don’t know whatever I did in my life that means I get to be here with you now, but damn it baby, I don’t ever want to be anywhere else.” I reach the top of her thighs and touch her, feeling how wet she is already, and just knowing that she wants me has me getting hard again.

“I want to be with you,” Rosalie says softly. She leans forward and kisses me, and her hair falls on either side of us like silk curtains, blocking out the rest of the world. “You and I…this is good, Emmett.”

“Perfect,” I breathe, as she slides backwards, enveloping me in her warm, wet tightness. “ _You_ are perfect.”

Rosalie moves slowly at first, rising up and sliding back down, tiny indrawn breaths as she fills herself with me. I watch her, loving the way she looks as she so blatantly takes her own pleasure now, and I see the smile on her face as she watches me watch her.

She’s moving faster now, and I can’t help but move too, thrusting up to meet her. Her breasts move as she does and she holds them in her hands, teasing herself and teasing me because I want to be the one holding their firm, heavy weight. Instead I slip my hands down to where we’re joined, her brush of light hair tangled with the much darker shade of mine, and I rub my fingers in all that wet heat until I make her scream. Rosalie flings her head back and rides me hard, grinding against my hand, and I know she’s thinking of nothing but what she’s feeling as she cries out again and again, her body shuddering with the force of her climax. Feeling her contract and pulse around me does it for me again too, and I grab her hips and thrust up into her with a groan as I come again.

Rosalie lies with her head on my chest, her legs still falling open on either side of my hips. I have one hand in her hair and one hand stroking the curve of her ass as she tries to settle her frantic breathing.

 “I love to see you like that, you know,” I murmur. “I love to see you feeling that pleasure, and I love to be the one to give it to you.”

“I needed to be with you tonight,” Rosalie says, and although she’s lying across me all heavy and relaxed her voice sounds sad. “You know, you’re the only person in my life who has ever given me anything without expecting something in return.”

Oh, my pretty girl… “Talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Rosalie sits up, still astride me, and I bend my knees so she can lean back against my legs. She combs her fingers through her hair, not looking at me as she talks. “I had to be with you tonight. After today, after what I did in that alley way…”

“I am so sorry about that.” The shame washes through me again, making my stomach clench. “I am so sorry that I failed again and that you had to be involved.”

Rose shakes her head. “No, I don’t mean what you did. I mean, that’s not…it’s not great, but it’s not what I’m talking about. I mean when those people were going past, and I kissed you.”

I remembered her words to Carlisle – _playing the whore_ \- and the rage and pain in her voice as she said it, and I winced. “I’m sorry baby.”

“I had to be with you now,” she says simply. “I had to use my body to make me feel good, instead of dirty. I had to be with you, who loves me and gives without expecting anything in return, and who takes what I offer like it’s a gift instead of an entitlement.” 

I don’t know what to say to that. This beautiful angel, with her anger and hurt and scars…all I can offer her is my love, and I hope that it can be enough.

“I know what I look like Emmett.” Rosalie stares into the firelight, and the reflection makes her golden eyes glow. “I know what I look like, and I know what people…men…think about when they see me. They _don’t_ see me. They see this face and this body, and I’m just an object to them- something they want to possess or use. It was like that my whole life. Nothing mattered more than my looks and how they could be used to get me what I wanted. Not just by me, but how other people could use me, use my pretty face, to get what they wanted too- my parents, the men who came courting, even Carlisle…do you think I would be here now if I were plain? He saved me because I was beautiful, whether he acknowledges that or not.”

I reach out for her and she allows me to draw her down into my arms, holding her close. I need to touch her, my pretty, hurting girl.

“The way I look was always the most valuable thing I had,” Rosalie says soberly. “The only thing I had, really. And in the end it wasn’t enough, and I was punished for my vanity in thinking it was, because it was my looks that made Royce notice me. If he hadn’t ever noticed me then maybe none of that…”

“Stop.” I touch my fingers to her lips and she stills. “Don’t, Rosa girl, don’t ever think that what happened to you was a punishment for anything you did. It had _nothing_ to do with you, it was all on them. Sometimes people are evil and do bad things, and it was nothing more than a random and unfortunate chance that you got caught up in it.”

“They made me feel like nothing,” she whispers. “That night- I was just a thing to them. And then today when I put myself out there, all legs and ass, my body again just an object for men to gawk at…I felt like that again.” She runs her hand through my hair and presses her forehead against my chest. “That’s why I had to be with you now- because you’re the only person who has ever bothered to look further than the outside and loves me anyway. You let me be whatever I am and you still love me; you take what I offer like it’s a gift and not just something you’re owed, and you give just to make me happy. No one else has ever done that for me Emmett, not ever.”

“Oh, sweet girl.” I kiss her, softly and gently. “You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me, you know that? I love you, I love everything about you, and I love that I get to be here with you. I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” I link my fingers with hers. “I’m sorry about today,” I add, somewhat awkwardly. “I know I messed up again. I’m trying, I really am, but it’s so fucking difficult. I wouldn’t have put you in that position for the world, I hope you believe that.”

“I know.” Rose sighs. “I know you didn’t mean to- it IS hard to control, especially when you’re not expecting to be confronted with it.”

“But everyone else does it!” I sound like such a child, and I laugh a little ruefully. “I just feel so useless!’

Rosalie laughs. “Yes, but look who you’re comparing yourself too! Carlisle is perfect at everything, I’m a complete control freak, and Edward’s possibly the most repressed person that has ever existed!”

I laugh at what is, after all, a pretty accurate assessment of them. “At least I’ve got Esme on my side.”

“Yes,” Rosalie smiles. “And living this way…it sounds ridiculous to say, because we are so unnatural ourselves, but it’s _not_ natural for our kind to live like this. Vampires have been around since the dawn of time and we’re fighting thousands of years of conditioning…you do well to resist at all Emmett.” She stretches, and I can’t help but admire the view.

“You feel better now, Rosa girl?”

“Yes.” She bites my lower lip gently. “I just wanted to be with you, without everyone else overhearing everything.”

I nuzzle into her neck, breathing in the scent of her, letting my hands roam across her body. “I like hearing you make noise,” I say hoarsely. “I like fucking you, and seeing you let go…” I kiss my way down her body, flicking her nipples with my tongue, pushing her legs apart and blowing gently in between them. “I like to make you squirm, pretty girl, and I like making you feel so good that you scream…I think I want to do that again…” and I bury my face in between her legs, and she does a lot more than squirm and scream before I’m done.

Jesus, but I can’t get enough of her! Kissing and talking and fucking…the way she fits in my arms and the way she kisses and touches me, the way she smells and the way she laughs. The fact that somehow this beautiful girl and I have found each other and even in this world, where nothing is the way I thought it was, we belong to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- This chapter wound up more about Rosalie than Emmett really, but she’s my girl and I love her character. In my head canon Rosalie and Emmett’s stories are so intertwined anyway- she had such a short time as a vampire before she found him that all her feelings about her human death and vampire birth are completely unresolved, and she needs him to help her make sense of it all. And Emmett needs her- he’s spent his life helping out and taking care of his family, and much of his sense of manhood is tied up in being strong and capable and looking after people, and Rosalie lets him do that. I have always seen them both as strong and independent people, capable of managing alone if they have to, but finding something in each other and their togetherness that makes them better and more well-rounded as a couple than they would be individually.


	18. Impossible future

“They’re coming back,” Rosalie says, lying on her back beside me.

I listen, and sure enough I hear footsteps approaching through the forest. Edward, Esme, Carlisle- moving slower than usual and talking a little bit too loudly. “I think they’re trying to let us know they’re on their way.”

“Yes.” Rosalie sits up. “I think they’d prefer not to walk in on us like this.” She tosses me my trousers and wraps her dress around her. “Which is fair enough really. I’m going upstairs to sort myself out.”

She disappears from the room and I pull on my pants and shirt, but don’t move from in front of the fire, which is now burning low. I’m comfortable, feeling lazy and relaxed and happy in that way that comes from being with a woman. _My_ woman this time, my own Rosalie…I can’t stop the smile.

Edward and Carlisle come into the living room and sit on the sofa.

“Good hunting?” I ask.

“Very good,” Carlisle answers, stretching back on the sofa. “Rosalie okay?”

I nod, trying not to look too smug. “She’s good.”

Edward looks at me speculatively. “So Emmett, do you have any plans to make an honest woman out of her?”

“What?”

“Are you going to marry her?”

“What the hell? _”_ I run my hands through my hair and groan. “Really Edward, you think _today_ of all days is the day to talk about that?” 

 “Hey, you’re the one lying here with your flies undone and the whole room smelling like sex…”

“Edward,” Carlisle intercedes. “Enough. It’s not your business.”

“Sorry. That was crude, and I apologise.”

“Jesus, nosy much?” I’m so rattled and irritated with Edward for ruining my good mood that I could hit him, if I wasn’t so busy buttoning up my pants.

“Not that I’m not curious to know the answer…” Carlisle continues, with a good natured grin in my direction. “It’s pretty clear to the rest of us how much you love her…”

“It’s not about how much I love her,” I’m angry with both of them now and sit up, scowling in their direction. “You say I should marry her to make an ‘honest woman’ out of her? What’s honest about any of this? I can’t support her, we’re living here on your money; she still won’t let me see her feed which is a pretty damn big part of her that she’s hiding; and I couldn’t stand up in front of a preacher and say ‘I do’ without fucking ripping his throat out and eating him…I don’t give a shit what any of you say, until she’s open with me, and until I can stand up like a man and make my vows without a fucking massacre in the church I’m not doing anything.”

“Emmett,” Edward raises his hands. “I’m sorry…I was just teasing.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I grumble. “I just don’t think any of that really makes a damn wedding a good idea.”

Carlisle looks concerned. “Emmett, I don’t like to think that you’re feeling beholden to us. We love having you and Rosalie as part of the family- I know this isn’t a conventional family, but what about our lives is conventional? Please don’t give any more thought to the money. It’s family money, there to be used; and I feel that it’s as much yours as it is mine.”

“And your control is getting better all the time,” Edward adds. “It wasn’t good today, admittedly, but they were bleeding which makes it a different story. It’s not as though you snatched two random people off the street, after all. You went down to the sale yards and moved around in that crowd without incident…I know you feel useless Emmett, but for the most part you’re doing really well.”

I groan, and put my head in my hands. “What are you doing? Trying to convince me to marry her?”

Edward laughs. “No! Seriously, I was really just teasing before. And now I’m trying to make you feel better about today…not very successfully it would seem.” He pauses. “Although I probably should say that Rosalie’s overheard most of this conversation and I’m pretty certain she will want you to marry her.”

I roll my eyes. “Living with a telepath really bites sometimes…” I raise my voice slightly. “Rosalie, do you want me to marry you?”

I can hear her light laughter from upstairs. “Maybe…if you ask me properly.”

I shake my head. “You are all cracked, you know that?” Fed up with all of them I climb to my feet and stomp out of the room and outside. “You can all just get stuffed.”

Rosalie is lying across her bed reading when I return to the house some time later. I take hold of her bare foot and bite her toes, and she gives a snort of laughter and kicks me in the stomach. “Leave off!”

I flop down beside her, feeling the bed groan ominously. I don’t think this is going to last us much longer.

Rose marks her place in the book and then lies on her side, looking at me thoughtfully. “Emmett…” she begins.

I make a high pitched whining noise. “For the love of God Rosalie, please don’t get into anything heavy now. Baby, today…yesterday…who the hell knows how to measure time when you never get to _sleep_ …I’m not a thinker, and so much shit has gone down that I just…”

Rose places a hand across my mouth to stop my babbling. Her face is creased in concern as she looks at me. “It’s okay Emmett.”

I look at her hopelessly. “I love you. Right now that’s all I know, Rosa girl…the rest of my life is such an insane mess, I don’t know how to deal with anything, but I do know that I love you.”

“I know we can’t sleep,” she says, “but we can pretend.” She draws my head down and cradles it against her breast, running her hand through my hair with soft, soothing strokes. “Close your eyes.”

Surrendering, I do. It feels so good, the softness of her and the hypnotic regularity of her hands running across my skull, the sweet smell that belongs only to her…I find myself slipping, not into sleep, but into a state of relaxation so complete that it’s almost better than sleep. Rosalie hums, a simple tune that sounds like fairy music in her voice, and I begin to feel warm with a kind of deep down content and happiness. _My girl._ None of the rest of it matters, not now, not when I am here with her.

_She would have made a good mama._ The thought drifts in to my mind and I see how it all should have been, Rosalie coming to me in the church, all dressed in white and holding flowers. The two of us in our own little house, working and living and loving together; my girl with her belly swelling with life, and then a baby. A wee little thing with pink cheeks and the same fair curls as her mama, a baby to sleep in a cradle I would make and place at the foot of the bed. Such a good life, all I’d ever wanted really, and now… I don’t think it can be like that. I don’t know for sure, but I’ve been bedding her for a few months now and I do know that Rose has never bled like girls do, and there is nothing in these hard, perfect and unchanging vampire bodies that make me think we’re capable of nurturing life like that.

I place my hand on her, my fingers spread across her flat belly. “We can’t have a baby, can we?”

Rosalie freezes, her body suddenly as hard and tense as stone. I look up at her and her face is an expressionless mask. “What makes you ask that?”

I stroke her, nuzzling my head into her, wanting to calm her. “I was just thinking that you would have been a good mama, Rosa girl.”

The mask cracks and there’s a sudden keening noise of agony, and then I’m the one cradling my girl and holding her tight as she falls apart, because without meaning to I’ve touched on something here that matters more to her than anything. I hold her and kiss her and pet her, saying all kinds of loving nonsense, anything I can think of as this new pain makes her shake silently in my arms. Finally, _finally_ , the storm passes and she lies limp and defeated in my arms, her head bowed.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be sorry,” I tell her hoarsely. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling something Rosa.”

“There won’t ever be a baby,” she says bleakly. “Not for me.”

“That’s okay,” I say softly. “As long as I have you, nothing else matters.”

But it does matter for her, and I realise that this is one hurt that I can’t do anything to fix. For as long as we exist Rosalie is never going to get the baby she wants and will never be able to be the mother she should be, and nothing is going to change that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- Oh Rosalie…poor girl, and Emmett really can’t fix that one. I really think her desire for a baby and family of her own and her knowledge that she will never, ever get it is really kind of heartbreaking. I also have to say that I know that a girl raised the way Rosalie was during that era would never have had sex before she got married, but I don’t think her relationship with Emmett as I’m writing it is that unreasonable. While as a human in the marriage market her looks and her virginity were big selling points, she’s not looking to make a marriage like that now. She’s been raped repeatedly, she’s a vampire now has gone and killed people…she’s broken so many rules already, so what’s one more social rule? For Rosalie marriage was about social standing and babies and money- she and Emmett have no social standing, no money and can’t have babies. She is redefining her ideas about marriage within the context of her vampire life, which is how I justify her being more than willing to be with Emmett without demanding a ring first!  
> Why, yes…I overthink things!


	19. Moving on

Carlisle comes home from work the following day with his face serious. I hear him talking out on the porch with Edward, their voices low and intent, and I drop down from where I’ve been sitting on the roof to see what’s happening.

“Oh, Emmett,” Carlisle says. “Edward and I were just discussing whether perhaps it’s time to move on from here.”

“Move?” I say in surprise. “Why?” Carlisle’s happy with his job, Edward and Rosalie have school, we’ve got a nice house in an out of the way place…what would we be moving for?

Carlisle and Edward glance at each other.

“There was…talk at the hospital today,” Carlisle says eventually. “The police are satisfied with the knife fight as an explanation for those deaths, but the bodies were seen by a number of people yesterday and, well, it seems as though someone had suspicions.”

A cold feeling settles in my chest. “You want to move because of me.”

Edward shrugs. “It’s just a precaution. We really couldn’t be connected with anything, but it may be just as well for us to move on.”

Esme comes out on to the porch and Carlisle wraps an affectionate arm around her shoulders and drops a kiss on her head. “Are you thinking we ought to move on?” she says quietly.

“Possibly,” Carlisle says lightly. “I don’t know if the talk will come to anything.”

“I’d rather be safe than sorry,” Esme says.

I shuffle my feet guiltily. “It just seems like such a big thing…I am so sorry to have messed this all up for you.”

Edward waves a hand to dismiss my words. “Really Emmett, it’s not such trouble. We’re used to moving around, and we’ve been here since we came back from Europe last year. Carlisle can work anywhere, and frankly I’ve missed so many days in the past months that I don’t know if they’ll allow me to graduate anyway.”

Rosalie steps silently on to the porch, tracing a hand down my back and linking her fingers with mine. “I wouldn’t be devastated not to finish this history degree.” She smiles ruefully and Edward chuckles.

“I think you should take up mathematics next time,” he says.

“So, you agree then?” Carlisle says, looking at us each in turn. “Time to move on? It may not be necessary, but I don’t like some of the rumours I heard today.”

“Where would you…we…go?” I ask uncertainly.

Carlisle and Esme glance at each other. “We own several properties,” Carlisle says. “We can buy something else, if we’d prefer. The New York property…”

“No,” Rosalie’s tone is flat and bears no argument. “Not New York.”

“No, it hasn’t been long enough,” Esme agrees. “There’s Chicago though, that might work.”

“Not in the city, I don’t think,” Edward says, and I don’t miss the quick flick of his eyes in my direction. “We need something like we have here. Smaller town, isolated property.”

Carlisle shrugs. “How do you feel about Oregon? My agent wrote to me about a property that’s recently come on the market up there; you know I always have him on the lookout for something that we might like. This place has an enormous house and is surrounded by wilderness- I believe the hunting will be quite good.”

So, Oregon it is. The move is arranged hastily; once the Cullens make up their minds about something they seem to see no point in delaying. Carlisle sends word to his agent to purchase the house in Oregon and resigns from his position in the hospital, and Esme sets about packing up the house.

No one seems to mind about moving. Carlisle makes inquiries into work opportunities in the new area and talks happily about perhaps getting involved in some medical research up there, he and Edward going on for hours about technical, complicated sounding things. Esme receives photographs and measurements of the new house and immediately begins plans for refurbishment and renovation, and seems quite pleased at the idea of Carlisle being home more often for a while.

I mind though. I mind a lot that my lack of control has caused this, that we have to move because I’ve become a menace. Rosalie insists on taking me back into town again and again, a hat pulled low over my face to hide the redness of my eyes, so that I can practise resisting but I don’t trust myself now and our journeys are tense and frustrating for both of us.

Feeling guilty, I try and make up for things a little by helping Esme pack. But even as a vampire I’m careless and after I manage to smash one too many things she sends me outside in exasperation.

I go hunting without much enthusiasm, and then sprawl out in the porch swing, whittling at a piece of wood with my fingernails and teeth.

“Planning on staking me with that?” It’s Rosalie, and she perches on the porch railing across from me with a smile.

It’s not really like her to make vampire jokes, and I laugh a little. “Nah…I kind of like having you around.”

“Have you been out hunting?” Rose asks.

I nod dispiritedly. “Yes. I’m trying to go more often and see if it helps.” I sigh. “Besides, Esme told me to get out of the house while she still had some china left- I don’t think packing is really my thing.”

“We’ll leave you the books,” Rosalie says cheerfully. “You can pack them, you can’t do much damage there.”

“Thanks so much,” I mutter sarcastically. “Now, did you come out here for a reason besides giving me grief?”

Rosalie slips off the railing and climbs in my lap, kissing me with a teasing smile. “Oh, is my baby feeling all sensitive today?”

“You’ll be feeling something mighty unpleasant if you don’t start being nice to me,” I grumble. “I’ll take you over my knee and give you a spanking you won’t forget in a hurry.”

Rosalie rolls her eyes. “I’d like to see you try! You’d lose a body part you’re rather fond of if you even made an attempt!” She presses against me, kissing my neck and jawline, her hands running through my hair. “Come on Emmett, why so grumpy? You can’t be that upset that Esme doesn’t want you packing her things.”

I sigh, but her soft kisses and the way her breasts are pushing against my arm and her ass is nestled in my lap is certainly distracting me in a good way. “No, I’m not that worried about that…just feeling guilty about moving, and hopeless about ever being as good as you are at controlling myself.”

“Hmmm,” Rosalie nibbles at my earlobe. “Don’t feel guilty about moving. No one else cares, honestly we don’t. Edward says they moved a lot when Esme was first changed, and when I was a newborn we all had to move from New York because of what I did. It’s just the way things are.”

“But I can’t control myself,” I mumble into her hair. “When am I going to be any better?” I find myself moving against her ass, one hand kneading her breasts and the other gripping her hip to keep her where she is.

“I think you’re pretty good already,” Rosalie slides her leg over mine, so she’s straddling my lap with her skirt bunched up around her hips, and I raise my eyebrows at her as I realise she isn’t wearing any underwear.

“Hello,” I murmur. “I think someone came out here with something on her mind…”

Rose smirks. “Maybe someone did…would that be a bad thing?”

“Hell no!”

I rip off my buttons as I open my trousers, but since Rosalie immediately positions herself over me and slides down with a gasp, biting her lip in that way that drives me crazy, I don’t even care. I don’t care about anything as she rides me- not packing up and moving, not feeding, not the swing falling apart underneath us, none of that even reaches me as she takes me to the edge and over, following fast herself as her hands dig into my chest and her body shakes.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand,” I say gently, lying on my back in the splintered remains of the wooden porch swing, Rosalie still sitting on top of me.

“What’s that?”

“How it is that you let me do that- let me see you naked and wanting like that- and yet you won’t let me see you feed.” I know I’m treading on dangerous ground here- any mention of her refusal to hunt with me is liable to make her explode and storm off and refuse to speak to me.

This time though, Rosalie just looks down at me thoughtfully. “You don’t see? That, what we just did…you can see me like that any time Emmett, because that’s about me and you, it’s about loving you, it’s about me being a woman and I’m not ashamed of any that. But the feeding? That’s about me being a monster, and I hate the idea of you seeing me being the thing I hate most about myself.”

I close my eyes briefly. Why doesn’t she see what I see? Why can’t she see herself as I see her- this fierce and glorious and beautiful girl, with her brave and passionate heart? Why can’t she see that she is anything but a monster?

“Whatever you are Rosa girl, you’re mine,” I say steadily, my eyes not leaving hers. “And one day you will see that…that I love every single part of you, and to me you are no kind of monster at all.”

Rosalie looks at me with her heart in her eyes, and I groan with the hopelessness of trying to convince this stubborn girl of anything. I sit up, and kiss her again, and she sighs and shakes her head at me.

“Did you mean it, when Edward asked you about marrying me and you said you wouldn’t because I wouldn’t let you see me feed?” She rises gracefully to her feet and rearranges her clothes, not looking at me.

I scramble to my feet beside her, and grab her hand. “Rosa girl, look at me.”

She won’t look at me. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I love you,” I say quietly, intently. “You’re my world, baby doll…nothing matters to me like you do. I am going to spend my whole life with you, and when you consider that we’re immortal that’s a hell of a long time!” I wrap my arms around her, and after a moment of stiff resistance Rosalie sighs and leans into me, her arms around me and her head leaning into my chest.

 “I want to marry you,” I go on after a moment, trying to choose my words carefully. “But I want it to be real and honest Rosa girl, and we’re not there yet. I need to know you trust me absolutely, and as long as you won’t show me all of you I know that you don’t. And I need to be able to stand up with you in front of a preacher and say ‘I do’ without killing people…I won’t do it until I can be a real man and do it properly, and right now I can’t even take care of myself, let alone take care of you. I won’t let you take less than you deserve, even if that means I have to wait to do what I want to do.”

 Rosalie looks at me thoughtfully. “You’re a very surprising man sometimes, Emmett McCarty.”

I grin. “I do what I can to keep you guessing.” I give her a big slurping kiss on her neck, and she shrieks and pushes me away. “I just want real Rosalie…as real as it can be in this fucked up mythological way we live in.” 


	20. A new home

Carlisle hires some men with a truck to move the furniture and thousands of books. This turns out to be a mistake, as we sit and watch their painfully slow progress as they move furniture and boxes to their truck, knowing that all of us would have had it done in a fraction of the time. I think how stupid it is to have all this strength and not make use of it.

Or maybe I’m just in a bad mood, because I get more and more irritated by the way they look at Rosalie, sitting on the porch oblivious to everything as she reads. She plays absently with the pendant at her neck, her delicate fingers drawing attention to the smooth curve of her throat, long legs in dark stockings stretched out before her. The men look just once too often with far too obvious lust, and I inadvertently make an animal snarling noise at the worst offender, giving him such a shock that he drops and breaks a glass fronted cabinet.

Edward drags me away. “You’re the only person I know who is responsible for breaking things even when they’re not touching them,” he says in exasperation. “Really Emmett, you can’t go around threatening anyone who looks at her- practically _everyone_ looks at her! At least you don’t have to hear what they’re thinking…”

“That doesn’t help!” I exclaim. “Geez Edward, you really know how to make a guy feel better, don’t you?”

Edward laughs. “Sorry! Look, I’m just trying to give you some friendly advice. Rosalie’s beautiful, men notice that. She likes them to. She gets offended if people _don’t_ notice how beautiful she is! You have to just let all the ogling roll right past you, because it’s going to happen regardless and in the end she’s coming home to you.” He glances back towards the house. “I wish we were moving the things ourselves- I don’t trust those oafs with my piano,” he mutters peevishly.

I laugh at what an old woman he sounds like. “Come on then, I’ll help you get it on to the truck yourself if you like.” I roll up my sleeves. “I know you’re right about people looking at my girl- I just haven’t had to deal with it so much because we’re all on our own out here. Carlisle doesn’t see anything but Esme, and while it blows my mind that you spent a year and a half with Rosalie without even trying to get into her bed I’m just damn glad you didn’t!”

“I’d as soon get into bed with a mountain lion as with Rosalie,” Edward mutters. “I think I’d stand a better chance of getting out with my life with the lion, to be honest!”

Edward and I manhandle his precious piano into the truck. I could have lifted it in with one hand, but we’re maintaining appearances and Edward fusses over the thing like it’s made of glass.

I leave him to it and go over to Rosalie. She’s finished her book and is sitting up on the porch railing and playing with her hair, winding it around her fingers to make it curl. She’s wearing red, and I love the way her golden hair shines against it. I brush my hands over her knees and push her legs apart so I can stand in between them, as close as I can without touching her. “Hey pretty girl,” I say.

“Hey yourself,” she grins back. “We’re going to go pretty soon.” She rolls down my sleeves and buttons the cuffs- it’s an overcast day but the sun keeps breaking through briefly and the less skin on show the better really. “I’m going to drive.”

I make a face. “And here I was thinking that we’d be in the backseat together…”

“Ha,” Rosalie snorts. “With Edward right there? No thanks.”

As it turns out, I sit in the front with Rose while Carlisle, Esme and Edward take the back seat. Since I’m the biggest and take up the most room no one except Rosalie is really willing to squeeze right up beside me, and my girl would rather drive- half because she prefers it and half because it annoys Edward, who also has a thing for cars. I swear it’s like two children fighting over a toy, and Carlisle has to play the diplomat and make them take turns while they flounce and grump and criticise each other. I get so tired of their bitching that in the end I throw Rose into the passenger seat and drive for a while myself. I’m not a good driver though, and when I tell them I’ve had enough and I’ll let them have the car back if they promise to behave they’re quite glad. They’re even nice to each other after that, when they realise that the alternative is enduring my driving.

Actually, between my driving and my whistling and humming and a string of knock knock jokes I think I annoy them all the entire way to Oregon- certainly once we finally reach our destination and we’re climbing out of the car I hear Carlisle whisper to Esme that he’ll be buying a second car before we take a trip like that again.

The new house is huge. I’ve never even been inside such a place before, and I’m half intimidated as I follow Rosalie through the double front doors and into the imposing entrance hall. There are spacious living areas, a library, a brand new modern kitchen that we’ll never use, six bedrooms and a bathroom with a huge old claw foot tub that’s even going to fit me.

“Rose and Emmett, you two can room upstairs,” Esme directs. “Carlisle and I will take the suite down here and Edward, you can either go upstairs with Rose and Emmett…”

Edward gives her a tortured gaze.

“Or there’s another room off the kitchen,” Esme continues without missing a beat. “It’s much smaller, but more private…”

Edward grimaces at me. “I’d room in a cupboard to get a bit further away from those two.”

“Shut your mouth,” I say cheerfully. “It’s not like I want you up my ass and in my business all the time either.”

Edward opens his mouth to say something, catches Esme’s eye and closes it abruptly, before chuckling with good humour and going off to look at his room. I follow Rosalie up the stairs. The room she chooses is the biggest one on the upper floor, with an attached dressing room, and a wide window seat overlooking the forest.

“This is okay,” I say. “We’re coming up in the world.” I look out at the trees and wonder at the hunting. There’s not much of a yard- I open the window wide and lean out, debating whether I’m going to be able to jump from here to the tree line.

“You can have your own room if you want,” Rosalie says suddenly.

I look over at her in surprise. “Why would I? Don’t you want me in here with you?”

She’s at my side in an instant, and I automatically put out my arms and catch her as she jumps. “Of course I want you!” she says. “I just thought…you’ve never had your own space before. I didn’t know if you might want it.”

I shrug, sitting down on the window seat with Rosalie in my lap. “I wouldn’t know what to do with space if I had it. It’s not like I’ve got much stuff!” That’s true. My worldly possessions are minimal- the only thing that remains from my human life is the knife I had in my pocket when I ran into the bear. I’m glad I have that even if I don’t need it now, it was my Pa’s and has a bone handle with a compass set in to it and it reminds me of  home and the human I used to be. Apart from the knife I have some clothes, mostly stained and patched now despite Esme’s best efforts to keep me looking nice, a couple of books Edward or Rosalie have given me, three baseballs, and a journal that Carlisle gave me that has nothing written in it besides my name.

Our possessions arrive several hours later, and we watch the packing process in reverse, as the men trudge along following Esme’s directions on placing the furniture. Edward insists on he and I moving the piano, and once it’s in place he fusses over it, tuning it to match his perfect ear. I’m bouncing with energy after being in the car for so long but while I was busy with the piano Rosalie has disappeared, and Carlisle and Esme are busy arranging the house and tell me to go away before I start breaking things. In the end I go upstairs and start unpacking but it’s boring and I get distracted, and I’m sprawled across the bed with Rose’s journal when she eventually returns.

“I’m so glad to see you’re making yourself useful,” she comments sarcastically. “Having fun with my journal?”

“I drew you a picture of a flower,” I say and then look up, noticing the changed colour of her eyes. “You’ve been hunting?” I don’t sound very pleased and I bite my tongue to stop me saying more.

“I was thirsty,” Rosalie says lightly, moving towards her suitcases. “It’s good hunting out there- you and Edward should go out soon.”

I don’t say anything, turning back to her journal. It’s not all that much fun to read actually- the first one I picked up was written very soon after her vampire change and the rage and pain contained in her pretty, girlish script cuts in to me like a knife. The most recent one is less angry but not all that interesting, being mostly thoughts about clothes and shopping, complaining about Edward, and plans for model planes. I did draw her a flower on the last page- not because I’m an artist but because I am not and I know it will make her laugh. I slam the book shut and flip it across to the desk, where it lands face up right in the centre. “What a shot!” I murmur, wishing we could go out and play baseball or something.

Rosalie unpacks vampire fast, and the room is organised before I even bother to sit up, let alone help her. She examines the room critically once she’d done.

“We need to redecorate,” she comments. “I’m not living with this hideous wallpaper.”

I don’t see what’s wrong with it, but I also don’t care about it- if Rose wants to decorate I’m not going to object. When you get down to it the only thing I care about is that the room has a big, solid bed in it…and even if it doesn’t I’ll make do. I smile lazily at Rosalie, and she stops what she’s doing and eyes me knowingly.

“I know _that_ look, Emmett,” she says archly. “Is there something you wanted?”

“Maybe _something_ ,” I murmur, as she moves closer to me. I unbutton my pants, watching Rosalie’s eyes go dark as she takes in the sight of my maleness, hard and ready as I move my hand over it. “I mean, I’ve got this nice new room that’s all private at the top of this big house, and a pretty girl who seems to be watching my hand on my cock…there could be something I could with all that, hmmm?”

“Maybe there is something,” she says huskily. Then suddenly she’s wearing a lot less than she was and she joins me on the bed so that the two of us can start turning this new house into our home.


	21. Sins of the fallen

I go out hunting with Edward and Esme once the moving men leave. I like hunting with Esme- she never misses her target but despite being so lethal she makes it look as genteel as drinking tea. Edward and Carlisle make it look elegant, and I generally still come home looking like I’ve been rolling around on the slaughterhouse floor. Watching Esme and Edward I wonder briefly about Rosalie’s hunting style.

“She’s fast and sneaky and she’ll steal your prey right out from under you,” Edward tells me absently, then winces as he sees my face. “I’m sorry Emmett, I heard you and I just wasn’t thinking.”

I shrug. “Whatever.” I think that it shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, this part of Rosalie that she refuses to share with me. I should be happy with the way she gives me her body and heart and mind…why would it matter so much that she keeps this one thing to herself?

It does matter though. It matters because whether she likes it or not, a vampire is what she is. It’s what I am too, and if she hates it in herself she can’t possibly accept it completely in me. I don’t even have the moral high ground to say that I’m _not_ a monster either, not with the human blood that’s on my hands and weighing down my conscience, and so this essential fact of who we are hangs unacknowledged between us. And things are going to have to get worse before they get better.

I go out hunting alone. We’ve only been in the new house a matter of days, and no one else is thirsty again when I am. I don’t mind- I like company but I like the chance occasionally to be alone. And as much fun as it is to compete with Edward for the game, it’s also good to have it all to myself.

I lope through the forest, miles disappearing rapidly under my feet, scenting the game on the breeze. It’s twilight, my favourite time to go out, and I’m not in any hurry. I’ve spent all afternoon in bed with Rosalie (and that’s an item of furniture that’s never going to be the same again) and despite my burning thirst I’m feeling content with my life. Maybe moving and starting over was a good idea. Maybe now I will have really mastered control and things will be better here.

Then again, maybe not.

I’m stalking a bear. The weather isn’t good for scent so I’m relying mostly on the physical trail, eyes focused forward and down. It’s a poor excuse, but it’s the only one I have for why I don’t notice any of the signs of human habitation. As it is I follow the trail as it comes out of the forest and into a small clearing around a mountain cabin where the bear must have come looking for food. I don’t know if he found any, but I’m letting the predator within me lead and there’s food of the best kind for me over by the chicken coop so I don’t even think as I strike.

It’s over quickly. There’s no noise and not even much mess, not until the heartbeat stops and the ecstasy of the feeding fades away and is replaced by the most gut wrenching horror I’ve ever felt, because I’ve killed another human and this time it’s a woman.

I make a noise that’s half howl of pain and half sob, and if I could throw up I would because I’ve never felt so sick. Oh, God forgive me, will this never end? Am I destined to be the monster of nightmares, never able to control myself? Oh sweet Jesus, please no…

I moan, raking my hands through my hair, biting my lip hard enough that I feel my teeth cutting into the skin. It’s the burn of my venom that brings me back to myself, and I heave myself to my feet and back away.

What am I supposed to do now? I look back down at the poor innocent who had the misfortune to cross my path tonight. She’s maybe a few years older than I am, wearing a man’s shabby shirt and a skirt that looks too big, her hair in a long, wispy braid. Her eyes, staring sightlessly at the sky, are pale blue and I close her eyelids with shaking fingers. _Fuck, fuck, fuck….oh Emmett, your carelessness is worse than evil because you could have avoided this…_

Do I go back to the Cullens and get Edward or Rosalie…. _no!_ I can’t even finish the thought. I cannot bring Rosalie here, I can’t make her fix what I’ve done again.

I look down at the woman again. It’s a tidy kill for me, but the marks on her neck are very clearly bite marks, and in fact the neatness of it works against me because it doesn’t look like any animal would have done this. I start shaking as I think that if I would stage this to look like an animal kill I’m going to have to rip her apart. Killing her in that bloodlust frenzy when I’m moving solely on instinct is one thing, but to cold bloodedly tear apart the corpse of a woman? I can’t do that.

I take stock of what’s around me. There’s the chicken coop beside me and a small wooden cabin on the far side of that. There’s a vegetable garden that looks well-tended but not overly large and a pony, calmly cropping grass on the far side of the clearing. There’s a line of washing flapping on a clothesline strung up between two trees. The clothes are all women’s things, but I have a sudden horrified thought that this woman might be someone’s mama and there might be others here.

I’m on the porch and listening at the door of the cabin in an instant, but I can’t hear anything, and the only human scent I can smell is that of the woman I’ve left behind on the grass. But I’m still cautious as I open the door and peer inside.

It’s empty. There is only one room, crowded with furniture and warm with the heat of the fire. Everything is well worn and old, from the horsehair sofa to the lumpy bed with the patchwork quilt. I look around, trying to find anything that might give me a clue as to who this woman is.

It’s easy enough to find. There is a bundle of letters stuffed into a drawer, and I only need to scan the first couple to find out her name and learn that her husband is away, working on a road building project. He signs his letters _all my love_ and for a moment I reel back, feeling it like a punch in the gut that this woman was someone’s Rosalie.

I can’t let it overwhelm me. At least now I know that no one is coming back anytime soon, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead and it’s pretty obvious that she met a bad end. I could take the body and bury it elsewhere and no one would ever find her, but I think how I would hate the uncertainty of not ever knowing what happened to someone I love and I know I don’t want to do that.

It leaves only one real option for me. I go back out to the woman and pick her up, carrying her gently back to the house where I lay her out carefully on her bed, folding her hands together on her chest, smoothing her hair down with my trembling hands. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…_ I’m too rattled to remember any prayers, but I know it doesn’t matter, God will take her soul because none of this is her fault.

Then I go to the fireplace and take up the shovel and scatter red hot coals across the floor in front of it, rolling the bright burning logs after them. There’s a pile of books and magazines on a table and I drop them beside the armchair near the fireplace, watching the flames take hold. It doesn’t take long before the fire spreads, crackling and roaring as it consumes the furniture nearest to the fireplace and then moves outwards.

I go outside when the fire reaches the bed and the flames start licking at the woman’s clothes. I know she’s dead and it doesn’t matter to her, but I can’t watch that. Instead I sit outside, keeping vigil over this funeral pyre for a woman I didn’t know, watching the flames consume the evidence of my sins and wishing that there could be such an end for me.

 


	22. Talks of philosophy

Carlisle finds me, still slumped on the grass and staring at the pile of burning rubble that is all that remains of the house. He’s not a mind reader like Edward but one look at my eyes tells him what I’ve done, and he silently settles on to the ground beside me.

“We were worried when you didn’t come home,” he says finally. “When we saw the smoke Rosalie thought I should perhaps come and find you.”

“It was a woman,” I say quietly. “I was tracking a bear and I didn’t even…I can’t do it Carlisle. I want to, but I can’t, and every mistake I make it just gets worse and worse. She was someone’s Rosalie and I have fucking ended another life and…” I bite off my words, burying my face in my hands.

Carlisle is silent for a long moment and I’m glad, because I don’t want platitudes now. I don’t know what I want. I want absolution, but I know he can’t give it to me, and even if I could I don’t deserve it.

“I can’t do it,” I mutter into the silence, my voice defeated. “I just keep failing, and the consequences for mistakes are so fucking awful…how am I supposed to just try again tomorrow when I know that there is no tomorrow for the people I kill?”

“There’s no easy answer,” Carlisle says slowly. “I don’t know that there is any answer at all…we have to believe in the sanctity of life to even try and make the effort that we do, but that belief is what makes it so hard when we fail.”

“You don’t fail though,” I say. “You all manage and I can’t.”

“I’ve not taken life in the way you have,” Carlisle says soberly, “But I have _given_ this life when I should not have and I have had to live with the evidence of my folly and feel regret for that every day. It is never easy to live with guilt.”

I look at him. “You mean Rosalie.”

“Edward too, to an extent, but yes, mostly Rosalie.” Carlisle’s face is sad. “In over two hundred and fifty years of life I have done nothing I felt more guilt over than what I did to her. All her rage and pain and hate… I had to live with that Emmett, because I did her wrong. I don’t claim that living with regrets is a simple matter, but sometimes it is what we need to do. Make mistakes, live with our regrets, and focus our efforts on doing better. Doing good in life in whatever way we can.”

“What if I can’t do any better?” I ask in a low voice. “What if I can never control myself?”

“I believe that you can,” Carlisle says simply. “You have a good heart Emmett, you have strength and integrity and you _will_ master this. I have great faith in you.” He pauses for a moment before he continues slowly. “Since we are talking of regrets…I owe you a great deal Emmett. I said that I have regretted what I did to Rosalie and that’s true, but your presence in our lives has eased the weight of that burden of guilt. I don’t know if you fully understand what you’ve done for her, but loving you and having you love her has changed her in such deep and profound ways.”

I look away. “I don’t deserve her.”

“Emmett, listen to me. We do good where and when we can, and you do good with Rosalie. It’s not changing the world, but you’ve changed the life of one very unhappy girl and that is worth more than you think,” Carlisle’s voice rings with sincerity.

“What if I can’t do this?” I ask hopelessly. “What if I can’t learn to hold back like the rest of you? I mean, I don’t wilfully decide to take down these people- I just smell them and react without even thinking.”

“You’re still very young,” Carlisle says consolingly. “It’s only been a few months Emmett, just a tiny fraction of time in the context of the life you have before you now. And think of all the times you have been faced with temptation and resisted, all those trips in to town and being around people without raising any suspicions of what you are…you have resisted and controlled yourself far more often than you have made mistakes.”

I hear what he’s saying and I want to accept his forgiveness for what I’ve done and let it go. But I feel like every step I take in this world is now a gamble, and the stakes are so high if I don’t play my hand right. Not for me, but for everyone else around me…

“Are you ready to come home?” Carlisle asks.

I haul myself to my feet. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” I take a last look at the fire. It’s dying out now, there’s no danger it will spread, and I think it will be okay to leave it. I consider freeing the pony, but there’s enough grass in his pen to keep him going for a while and a small stream running through it so he’ll be okay for water until someone comes. And someone will come, eventually.

I walk slowly on my way back to the house, Carlisle keeping pace beside me. I don’t know that I’ve ever been alone with him like this. He’s so busy, and he’s so educated and intelligent I always feel like a knucklehead around him. My relationship with Rosalie has also added an element of unease to my interactions with him- while he’s not actually her father he does fill that role in her life in some ways, and I’m not entirely certain what he thinks about the things I do with her. I know what my Pa would have thought of someone like me doing things like that with any of my sisters, and it wouldn’t have been anything good, I can say that for sure! But walking with him through the early morning light filtering through the trees, listening to his calm, quiet voice, I start to feel comfortable with him.

“About Rosalie…” I say hesitantly. “What you said before…you really think I’m good for her?”

“More than I can say,” Carlisle says steadily. “Having seen the two of you together, I am confident when I say that you are exactly what she needed in her life. She is like a different person since you came Emmett.”

I shove my hands in my pockets. “I guess I’ve wondered what you think about us not being married and all.”

Carlisle laughs. “After nearly three hundred years of life Emmett, I am much more of a moral relativist than I was as a young man! Marriage as we know it is a societal construct, and since the society you currently inhabit is basically yourself and Rosalie, Edward, Esme and I and no one is judging you here, I think you can make up your own mind.” He smiles at me. “I married Esme because it was important to her, because in the society we lived in at the time such things were important, but mostly because I was so happy to have found a mate that I wanted to shout it to the world and celebrate that love and commitment. You and Rosalie will marry or not for your own reasons and, whilst I am always here to talk through your feelings and concerns with you if you would like to, I wouldn’t presume to impose my beliefs on you. If you love her and she loves you, if the two of you are happy…that is what matters.”

“I’m happy,” I say, sounding anything but.

Carlisle laughs loudly at that. “Oh Emmett! Please, be as forgiving of yourself as you would be of anyone else. Would you judge Esme for doing as you’ve done? Would you turn away from her, or name her as a monster?”

I shake my head. “Never.”

Carlisle holds up his hands. “Well then…she will talk to you about her early days if you would listen to it Emmett. You are not the first one to fall in the struggle.”

I snort. “Rose told me I shouldn’t compare myself to the rest of you- she said you’re too perfect at everything and she’s a control freak and Edward’s abnormally repressed.”

Carlisle’s face is amused. “She’s not entirely wrong. I’ve met a great many vampires in my life, and personally I’ve always been an anomaly. It seems that without meaning to I’ve created a family with unusually strong personalities. Perhaps God has had more of a hand in our destiny than I would have thought.”

I glance at him. “You believe in God?”

“My father was a priest,” Carlisle says reflectively. “I was raised in a culture of faith, although I’ve certainly struggled with that concept over time. It can be difficult to reconcile belief in God with what we are, but I do believe in a higher power. I believe that there must be some purpose in life, and something that comes after, even for those such as ourselves.” He looks at me. “I believe in a forgiving God, Emmett- I don’t believe your mistakes cancel out effort and intent. I think when the day comes that we stand before Him for the judgement, He will understand that we have done the best we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- Wordy sort of chapter this time. This is my first time writing Carlisle as any length actually, so that was interesting to do- I thought he might be better suited to making Emmett feel better at this point in time.


	23. All of you.

I don’t say anything to the others when I get home. These damn colour changing eyes tell the story for me anyway, and I don’t want to talk about the details. Carlisle’s talk of God and forgiveness has given me things to think about, but right now my heart is too sore and my conscience too heavy to want to deal with it.

Instead I go up to my room and flop down on the mattress. Rosalie, who was seated at the desk writing in her journal, turns to face me, her feet up on the chair and her chin resting on her knees. Her feet are bare and her hair is hanging down her back. “Are you okay?”

I shrug and look away from her. “You didn’t come and find me.” It sounds more accusing than I mean it to.

“I didn’t know that you wanted me to,” Rosalie counters quietly.

“Whatever.” Jesus, what am I doing, turning on Rosalie? But guilt is making me mean, and she’s the closest thing I have to lash out at. “You don’t owe me anything.”

There’s a long silence. “I’m sorry,” Rosalie says finally. “I’m sorry I didn’t come after you, but I was afraid. You were gone for so long and then we saw the smoke.  Carlisle said he would go and I thought that it would be better if it was him…but I see that was wrong. I should have come, whatever had happened.”

I don’t say anything. Truth is I don’t actually care whether Rosalie came after me or not- she’s probably right that Carlisle was a good choice for that situation.

“I’m sorry,” she adds. “I know you must be feeling awful...you can tell me about it if you want to.”

“Yeah, sure,” I say bitterly. “Tell you about my failings when you _never_ fail. Tell you about me killing fucking _people_ while you won’t even eat a fucking _deer_ in front of me…”

Rosalie freezes at the language and the venom in my tone, but for once I don’t care. “You say you love me,” I say harshly. “You say it doesn’t matter that I’m a killer from a nightmare, but it obviously does Rosalie…you can’t call yourself a monster in one breath and then claim that you love me when I’m a thousand times worse than you ever were…oh, fuck it all!”

I can’t do this, I can’t fight with her but I can’t shut my fucking mouth either, and with a roar of anger I take off, leaping out the window and through the trees, trying to get away from my guilt and shame, and the hurt I’m inflicting on my girl.

She follows me this time. I know she will, and despite all the ugliness I’ve just spat out at her I want her to, because I know that I’m never going to be okay again unless she is with me.

I’m sitting on a fallen tree, playing with a bobcat, when Rosalie finds me. I wasn’t hunting, but the stupid animal got in my way and just about tripped me up and I’ve caught it automatically. The cat’s snarling and scratching at me, and I release it only to seize it before it can take off. It bites my hand and then gives a yowling scream when its teeth just slide along my skin instead of digging into the flesh.

Rosalie stands in front of me, watching with eyes that are the colour of toffee today. Her face is expressionless. I tease the bobcat a little more, trapping its paws in my hands as it tries to snatch them away. Eventually I stop and hold the animal by the scruff of its neck where, after a brief but intense struggle, it hangs limply, glaring at me with furious eyes. I think of an offhand comment Edward made once about Rosalie liking the cats and I look up at her, noticing that she’s not breathing and her eyes are dark. I know that’s her first line of defence against temptation, cutting back on the scent, and as I eye her more intently I see the way her eyes are focussed on the cat and her hands are clenched into fists.

“You want it, don’t you?” I say quietly.

She doesn’t deny it.

“You want it, it’s here…” I stand up and step towards her, holding it out. “Take it.”

Rosalie doesn’t move, but her eyes lift from the animal that’s hanging from my hand and meet mine and part of me cringes away from the horror I see so clearly there. But the heartsick, angry part of me is so much stronger now that I take another step and close the gap between us.

“I _know_ you want it,” I whisper. “I know how much, and I know how much you don’t want to do this with me here…but Rosa, I need you to.”

Her eyes are huge as she breathes my name. “Emmett…”

“I need you to,” I repeat. “I need this Rosalie, I need to know you believe in us enough that we can be real and nothing else matters…I need to see it baby, I need to know that when you say you love me and accept me that it’s not just words…”

My girl is breathing now, harsh gasps of air as she fights with herself. “I do love you Emmett, I do, no matter what…” I can see the venom on her teeth as the scent of the cat fills her senses. “But this…I can’t let you see me…”

I move behind her. “You can…please Rosa baby, please, for me…” I think maybe if she doesn’t have to look at me it will be easier, but her back is pressed into my chest and I can feel her trembling. I have one arm wrapped across her body, holding her to me, and the other hand holds the cat in front of her, the neck bent to show the artery pulsing with the frantic beat of the animal’s heart.

Rosalie moans, half in desire and half in distress, and wanting an end to it one way or another I plunge my teeth into the neck of the cat so that the blood is already flowing and the scent is hanging heavy and inescapable in the air when I push it towards her again. “Just do it!”

“Fuck you!” She’s shaking, and for a moment I feel like the monster I am and I hate myself. But she twists her head to look at me for a brief flash of time, her eyes black with wanting, and then that beautiful, kissable mouth I know so well clamps on to the beast in my hand and I feel the ecstatic tremble through her body as the blood hits her tongue and flows down her throat. _Oh, my girl…_

“I love you, I love you, beautiful Rosa girl, mine…” I’m gasping an endless string of reassurances to her, and kissing her neck and ear and head, my arm still wrapped around her and holding her against me. Rosalie’s sucking hard as the heartbeat slows, wanting it all, and I feel her hands grasp the beast and take the weight of it from me, then hear her low, rumbling purr of satisfaction. Oh, that’s a noise I know well, a noise from the bedroom, a noise that’s always been mine…she looks as me over her shoulder with hooded eyes and licks the blood off her lip and god, but I’m hard for her now!

“I want you,” I say hoarsely. “Jesus Rosa girl, I want you…”

She doesn’t answer in words, her mouth is back on the cat as she drains every last drop from it, but she pushes her ass back in to me and I groan as I rub against her from behind and slide my hand down in between her legs in front. She’s wet, and as my fingers work on her she drops the body of the bobcat and moans, raising her arms to twine in my hair and pull my head down so that I’ll nuzzle and kiss and bite at her neck. Rosalie arches her head back and I kiss her, open mouthed and wanting. I taste the blood on her tongue and feel the heat of her body, full of fresh blood, against mine and under my hands and I think I can’t wait, that I have to have her now or I’ll die.

She feels it too, this urgency, and she snarls and turns to face me. Her face…she looks wild and feral, with a dribble of blood on her chin and a gleam of triumph in her eyes, and she rips my clothes fair off my body as she stares into my eyes and hisses one word. “ _Mine.”_

I lick the blood off her chin and grab her, shredding her dress as I try and touch as much of her as I can. “Yours,” I grunt, as we’re both naked and I go down on my knees in front of her, looking up. “Always yours…I want you now, Rosa girl…yes?”

She nods fervently and grips my shoulders, “ _Yes, yes, YES!”_ and an instant later I’m on my feet and she’s in my arms and I slam her back against a tree and thrust in to her in one swift movement. Then again, and again, and again, hard and fast, until the tree itself cracks under the force of it and we’re on the ground. It doesn’t stop us though, we start laughing but when she looks at me archly and says, “I’m not done yet…” I roar at her and flip her over so I can do her from behind. Her beautiful round ass in my hands, bodies meeting with what would be bruising force if we weren’t so damn unbreakable, as I thrust and she slams herself back to meet me.

Until now I’ve always been careful with her when she gives herself to me physically. Careful not to hurt her, careful not to scare her…but seeing her feed and feeling the strength and power of her now as she gives me as good as I’m giving it to her, I realise I don’t have to be. Rosalie is exactly what I am. She has the same desires, the same strengths, and the same indestructibility, she wants me with the same fierce passion I feel for her.

I bend over her back, holding her hips to keep her where I want her as I fuck her. I curve one arm underneath her so that I can work my fingers between her legs, and then she’s screaming and bucking against me, so caught up in her climax that she doesn’t even notice as she flings her head back and cracks me right in the face. Thank god I’m not human or she would have just broken my nose. I grab her hair and hold her still as I come with a roar of release, and then the two of us collapse on to the ground, breathing hard.

I slide over so I’m lying beside her instead of on top of her. She’s flat on the ground on her belly, and I brush her hair away from her face and press my lips against her shoulder blade. “I love you Rosa girl…I love _all_ of you.”

She looks at me, my beautiful white gold angel girl, and even though she’s lying down on the earth there is a quiet triumph in her moonshine eyes. “I did it.”

“You did…and I’m still here. I’m _always_ going to be here baby,” I tell her. I sit up and gather her into my arms, settling her in my lap with a satisfied sigh. I make her look at me then, that beautiful face that still surprises me when I look at it and see how exquisitely perfect it is and realise that it’s mine for the looking at.

“I love you,” I tell her again. “I love you for _all_ that you are, Rosalie…woman, vampire, hunter, killer, lover…you can’t be ashamed of any of it, or hide it from me, because it’s _all_ you, all part of who you are and I love all of it.”

Her long fingers gently trace my eyelids as she looks into my red eyes. “The same goes for you Emmett. I love you for who you are…I know you made a mistake today, but I know how hard you’re trying.”

“I’m sorry I took that out on you,” I say awkwardly. “That was an asshole move…I’m sorry I was such a bastard.”

Rosalie shakes her head and kisses my neck. “You were hurting…”

“Even so.” I smooth her hair back, loving the silky feeling of it under my palms. “And even this feeding…I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard, I should have waited until you were ready.” I feel the shame welling up in me again.

“I _was_ ready,” Rosalie says softly. “You’re right that it’s all part of me. And I want to give you all of me…you’re mine Emmett, it’s always going to be the two of us, and I have to trust you with all of it. The way we live in this family is so cloaked in lies and stories and shadows…it needs to be different between the two of us. We can’t have lies and half-truths, we need honesty and truth and equality for this love to be real.”

I nod, because she’s not saying anything I haven’t thought. “It was a woman,” I tell her falteringly. “Last night I killed a woman…it made it harder, I guess because of the way my parents raised me, it made it seem worse that it was a woman. And because then when I looked at her I couldn’t help thinking she was someone’s _you._ Some man somewhere loves her, and I’ve messed up his life as surely as I ended hers. I don’t want to do things like that, I hate becoming this out of control monster, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

“Time,” Rosalie says, her hands on my face. “Experience…it doesn’t make it easier to bear right now, but you have to know it will get easier and just keep trying.” She kisses me again. “I’m not trying to brush over what you did, or say that she doesn’t matter, that the people who get caught up in this shadow world and get hurt don’t matter, but I really believe you’re doing the best you can. Eternity is a long time to punish yourself with guilt. You’ve got a beautiful heart Emmett, and it will win over the monster in the end.”

Then she wraps herself around me, all naked limbs and soft skin and gentle kisses, and this time loving her is tender and heartfelt and healing. It’s about love; and I move in her with slow care and take her to the edge and then both of us fall together, eyes locked and the same words echoing on our lips as the waves of pleasure and joy wash over us. _Mine. Always._


	24. Legends and lovers

The sun is setting by the time Rosalie eventually rises to her feet. I laugh at her a little, seeing my usually fastidious girl with leaves in her hair and mud on her knees is kind of amusing, and she makes a face back at me and pulls me towards the river.

“Come on,” she says, “Our clothes are beyond saving and if I’m going to have to walk back into that house naked I’m at least going to be clean!”

I rub the mud off her back and then dive into the deeper part of the river to clean myself off while she sits in the shallows, combing her fingers through her hair to get rid of all the debris. She looks like an illustration from the book of fairy stories that I used to read to my little sisters, and I watch for a moment with a smile, wondering what’s going through her head.

“You want me to run back and get you something to wear?” I ask. It’s not like I care- they’ve all seen me naked before.

Rosalie shrugs. “No, it’s fine.” She looks at herself dispassionately. “I know I’m supposed to care, but really…I look good without clothes.”

I give a whoop of laughter, because of all the things I thought she might say I wasn’t expecting _that,_ and she grins back at me. “Well, I do!”

“Hey, I’m not arguing!” I look at her appreciatively. “I don’t mind if you never wear clothes, baby doll…”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” she giggles. “But Carlisle doesn’t see anything except Esme really, and Edward…well, I don’t know, but clearly I don’t do it for him.” She steps onto the bank, water dripping down the perfect length of her legs and holds out her hand to me. “Let’s go home.”

I have to laugh again as she walks so arrogantly into the house, despite not having a stitch on. But there’s something about the perfection of her body and the confident golden stare of her eyes that makes her look almost regal. And it’s not as though the rest of the family are scandalised- Carlisle and Esme merely give the two of us an amused nod of acknowledgement, and Edward just rolls his eyes and goes back to his piano.

After we’re dressed we wander back downstairs. Carlisle and Esme are leafing through a furniture catalogue and Edwards asks us to play his new game with him. It’s called Monopoly, and after reading the rules and ascertaining that Edward can’t just cheat his way to victory Rosalie agrees to play. I have a string of luck with my turns and manage to buy the good properties and avoid paying tax, whereas Edward owes me rent on practically every turn and Rosalie spends half the game in jail and is eventually bankrupted, flouncing away from the table to sulk beside Esme. It takes another hour but I eventually make Edward concede defeat too and pack it all away feeling quite pleased with myself- maybe I have a future as a property mogul. I think Edward did well to find the game- it’s fun, he can’t cheat his way to winning, and it takes a long time to play, all of which are good things!

I’m glad to be in the dim, fire lit room where my red eyes aren’t so obvious. I hate the way my own body betrays me with this clear sign of my guilt. I look into the fireplace and remember the funeral pyre I made and wonder dully if anyone has discovered what happened. I hope that they have. I don’t like the thought of anyone’s body lying out in the open, I want her husband to come home and bury her properly.

Rosalie is reading now and when I slump on the sofa beside her she curls up against me, although she doesn’t stop reading. I play with a hank of her hair, morosely curling it around my fingers and then pulling it straight over and over again. It must be kind of annoying for her, but she keeps her eyes on her book and lets me go on. No one else is doing anything fun, Esme is sketching out decorating ideas and Carlisle is writing in his journal while Edward is also reading. I sigh loudly.

“I was wondering how everyone felt about taking a vacation?” Carlisle suddenly says into the silent room.

Rosalie and I are the only ones surprised. He must have talked about it with Esme, and nothing is a surprise for Edward of course. “A vacation? Where?” Rosalie asks.

I don’t say anything. A vacation from what? We’ve just moved house and no one has a job.

“Alaska,” Carlisle replies. “I have some friends that live there who maintain the same lifestyle we do. Tanya, Irina and Kate. Edward and Esme have met them before, and I thought you and Emmett might like to meet them too.”

I don’t know if anyone else catches the possessive glance Rosalie throws my way, but I do and I feel a twinge of amusement. It would seem she’s not sure of taking me around other vampire females.

Edward suddenly snorts with laughter and his eyes meet mine. “Well, once you meet them…we’re not talking just any females here…” He closes his mouth, but I can still seem the gleam of amusement in his eyes.

Carlisle frowns at him. “Edward,” he says reprovingly.

“They’re lovely girls,” Esme says pointedly to Edward. “They’ve led very interesting lives…”

Edward’s laughing out loud now.

“What?” I say, mystified. “What’s the story here?”

“Kate and Tanya and Irina came to this lifestyle from a rather different starting point to Carlisle,” Edward chuckles. “Less from a sense of global compassion, and more from a desire to keep their male conquests alive, shall I say? You’ve heard the legend of the succubus?”

I shake my head at the same time as Rosalie nods.

“A supernatural female lover of legend,” Carlisle joins in. “A creature that has relations with men and then drains them of life…and like many tales, there’s more truth to it than humans would like to believe. The Denali coven has been around centuries longer than I have, and they rather like their human men. They became tired of losing them and began experimenting with an animal diet to control their thirst and allow them to be in close contact with humans without feeding from them.”

Rosalie is wide eyed with fascination. “So they…with humans? Really?”

She gives me a sideways look. I might say I’ve been careful with her (at least until earlier today), but ‘careful’ when I’m physical with Rosalie would still kill a human woman, and I don’t even like to think about what she’d be able to do to me if I was a human man. In fact without even thinking about it I start holding my hands crossed protectively over my manhood, which makes Edward laugh uncontrollably.

“Don’t worry Emmett, I’m sure they’ll leave you alone!”

“Shut up! You can laugh- you don’t use yours!”

Carlisle shakes his head at us. “You boys! Yes, Rosalie, with humans. It is possible, although it’s enormously difficult as you can imagine, both because of the temptation of the blood and the obvious physical disparity.” He pauses. “They’re the only vampires I know who share our diet and beliefs. They had to work very hard to overcome centuries of conditioning and train themselves to abstain from feeding on humans. I thought a vacation with them would be enjoyable, but it might also be interesting or helpful for you, Emmett.”

I shrug. “I’ve never been to Alaska. Snow and ice, right? Might be fun.” I glance at Rosalie. “How about it, baby doll?”

She hesitates. “I suppose so.”

Esme smiles delightedly. “Wonderful! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the girls’ company Rosalie, and we’ll all have a lovely time.”

Rosalie nods, but I can feel that she’s not as relaxed as she was and she doesn’t go back to her book. Instead she tosses it irritably onto the side table and leaves the room, with me close on her heels.

“Baby,” I say, when we’re up in our room, “What’s up? You don’t want to go? We don’t have to.”

Rosalie stands by the window, looking out. “I do want to go. Meeting new people like us will be wonderful- goodness knows I get tired of Edward’s company!”

“But…” I prompt her.

Her lips twitch into a smile that’s half embarrassment, half amusement. “It’s just that they’re all females, and the way Edward talked about them! I’m not…you…” she struggles to find words and then stops, frustrated, and I realise that what I thought was a joke was serious to her. She actually is anxious about seeing me in the company of these legendary vampire lovers.

“Hey,” I say. “All that stuff I said about loving you? I meant it baby. Just you…that’s all I want. Doesn’t matter who else comes or goes or what they’re like, because for me there’s only you.”

Rosalie wrinkles her nose in embarrassment. “It’s just…I’m all there is here. I mean there’s Esme of course, but she wouldn’t ever look past Carlisle.” She looks across me, and her voice is quiet. “I love you Emmett. What I feel for you is more than I thought I could ever feel…and sometimes I am so afraid that I’m going to lose you like I’ve lost everything else.”

I shake my head and take her in my arms. “I’m not going anywhere Rosa, not without you.” And she kisses me and we once again find ourselves wrapped around each other and moving together, giving reassurance and love with words and bodies and hearts. I remember what Edward told me back at the start, that Rosalie had scars I hadn’t even glimpsed yet. As I hold my beautiful girl and tell her again how much I love her and promise that I’m not going to leave her and I see in her golden eyes her desperate wish to believe me, I think that maybe I’m only just beginning to understand how much my girl needs me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- I’m going out of canon a little with the Denali clan, leaving Carmen and Eleazar out. Mainly because I can’t deal with five new characters at this point in the story and don’t need them all either.  
> Oh, and for what it’s worth Monopoly was first produced and sold in 1934, so Edward, Emmett and Rosalie playing it for the first time early 1936 is pretty likely, lol. I always imagine them desperately looking for new things to do to fill in time, particularly in the pre-tv and internet eras!


	25. Holidays and hunting

We make plans for the vacation. Carlisle writes to his friends, and we discover he was serious about never making another trip like our drive to Oregon when he and Esme go out for a day and come home in a brand new Cadillac. Edward and Rosalie go crazy for it, and then both of them start sulking when Carlisle tells them that he and Esme are driving it and the three of us can sort ourselves out in the Buick. I laugh at them both quite a lot, until I realise that this means I’m going to have to listen to them bitch and fight their way from Oregon to Alaska with no one but me to broker peace. That turns me repentant pretty fast, and I beg Carlisle to let me ride with him and Esme. No joy though, so a few weeks after the idea was first raised I throw some suitcases into the car and climb in with Edward and Rosalie, slowly moving down the drive following Carlisle.

The two of them are not bad though. I tell them before we start off that if either of them start fighting I’m going to throw them both in the back seat and do the driving and neither of them want that. I’m not exactly a good driver- I haven’t had much experience and even I will admit I’m a bit too distractible and don’t pay attention, so I’m always swerving all over the place and crashing through potholes.

Instead they flip a coin to decide who drives first, and when Edward wins Rosalie graciously sits in the backseat with her feet on my lap and reads to us. It’s her new book, a huge thing called Gone With the Wind, that lasts most of the way to Alaska. Edward gets really in to it and reads aloud while Rosalie drives too, and then the two of them have great long ranting arguments about the characters that make me laugh just because they’re so passionate about it. All I can think is that there is more than a passing resemblance between Scarlett O’Hara and her precocious brattiness and my Rosalie, but that’s not something I’m going to say out loud, even though when I think it Edward just about drives into a ditch he’s laughing so hard.

It takes us five days to drive to Denali, the longest I’ve ever gone without hunting. I’m black eyed and edgy with thirst by the time we finally reach our destination, a large lodge in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness. As I slide out of the car and follow Carlisle to the door I’m glad there is no human scent in this frigid air because my control feels very tenuous.

Tanya, Irina and Kate are standing outside the front door to greet us. Carlisle embraces each of them in turn, and Edward and Esme also shake hands and hug and kiss them.

“So lovely to see you all again!” Esme says, and Carlisle concurs.

“We’ve got two new members of the family since we last saw you,” he tells them. “That’s Rosalie, and Emmett.”

 The three blonde vampire goddesses turn their heads and as their eyes look me up and down from head to toe their mouths curve up in identical, predatory smiles. They like what they see, and I feel a rush of relief that I’ve got Rosalie with me because I think these three would eat a simple country boy like me alive! I grin back at them and say hello, and then take Rosalie’s hand and pull her closer to me. Not a showy gesture by any means, but it communicates clearly what I want to get across to them and all three of them accept it for what it is.

The house looks like a hunting lodge from the outside, but inside it’s overwhelmingly feminine. Colour and luxury and soft fabric everywhere, walls adorned with elaborate tapestries and huge painted artworks. There’s a fire in a large stone fireplace and through the sweeping picture windows I can see the frozen wonderland outside.

There’s a great deal of talking and laughter, and it makes me happy to see Rosalie’s face light up as she talks. She does get lonely I think, and I’m glad she has this chance for some extra company. I’m so thirsty that I can’t settle down and I prowl about the room, looking at everything, with my hands behind my back so I don’t break anything.

Edward appears by my side. “Come out hunting?” he asks quietly, sensing my agitation. He grins at me, “You’ll love the bears here!”

I grin back. “You’re on. Just let me see if Rosalie wants to come.” I cross the room to where she’s laughing with one of them- Kate, I think – and gently put my hand on her neck. “Excuse me for interrupting. Baby, I’m just going out for a bit- you want to come?”

“Emmett’s our newest member,” Carlisle says from nearby. “Only a few months old to this life, so he still hunts quite frequently.”

I give a half embarrassed shrug, and Kate smiles at me. “Nothing wrong with that.”

“We always appreciate a man with a good appetite,” Tanya adds, and I can’t help laughing, especially when I notice the look on Edward’s face.

In the end we all go out. The snow makes everything different, and if I wasn’t so thirsty I think I’d have a brilliant time playing out here. As it is though, I set the pace and move fast, desperate for something to soothe the burn.

Edward’s right about the bears. I cross a trail almost right away, and then another one that smells fresher so I switch. I’m not paying much attention to the others, although I hear Edward call to them that I’m after a bear and that they may as well leave me to it because I’m not known for sharing. They peel off after that, until only Rosalie is at my heels when I finally come in sight of the bear. It’s a grizzly, a big one, and I guess all the hunting up here is good for the bears as well because he’s looking fine.

I drop to a crouch, eyeing him, a faint growl of desire rumbling in my throat. But before I can move there’s a blur beside me and with a flash of blonde hair and a snarl Rosalie’s on him. The bear’s bigger than she is but she’s stronger and she catches it by surprise. Even as his legs kick at the snow and try to swipe at her she’s got his head and shoulders pinned to the ground and she’s biting into the neck. I roar at her and dive down beside her, ripping in to the groin and taking the femoral artery for myself, feeding with one hand on the animal and one hand on my girl.

“Edward warned me you’d steal my prey right out from under me,” I say once we’re done, making a face at Rosalie.

She smirks at me. “Well, if you’re too slow…”

I grab her. “Hey, cheeky brat! I like to play with them!”

Rosalie looks at me, her eyes gleaming. “You can play with me,” she says archly and the she leans forward and licks the blood from my face. With an entirely different kind of growl now I fall backwards into the snow with her, because in the four days of driving with Edward in the car, hunting wasn’t the only thing I didn’t do and damned if I didn’t miss this one more.

I’d happily stay out with Rosalie all night but she’s conscious that we have some social obligations we ought to try and fill.  She bullies me into putting clothes back on and taking care of the bear carcass, and then we trek back towards the lodge. Everyone else must have got back hours ago, I can hear their talk and laughter coming from inside the house, but I stop on the front step and look at my girl. She’s got snow in her hair and on her clothes and she’s glittering like a diamond in the moonlight. Slowly, tenderly I draw her closer and kiss her again. “You look beautiful, Rosa girl.”

“I love you.” Her eyes are soft as she looks at me, and she traces a hand gently across my cheek before she opens the door and goes in.

“Welcome back,” Edward says dryly.

“Any bears left?” Carlisle jokes.

I grin at him amiably. “Just enjoying the great outdoors…”

Rosalie tosses her head and snorts. “All of you can just give it a rest thanks!” She looks at Carlisle. “Did you bring the things in out of the car? I’d like to change my clothes.”

Kate takes Rosalie’s arm. “Come on, we’ve put your things in a room down the hall. I’ll show you.” She winks at me. “You too, big guy…you’re dripping all over the floor.”

Looking down I realise that the snow that was caked over my clothes is now melting into puddles all over the floor, and I sheepishly follow Kate and Rosalie down a narrow hallway. The room she shows us in to is small, with a big low bed and not much else in it, and our suitcases piled in a corner.

“I think you have everything you need in here,” Kate says, and I can’t help laughing at how outrageously obvious she is. I think I’m going to have fun here. She winks at me again and blows a kiss at Rosalie. “Get changed, take your time…come back out when you’re ready,” she says cheerily, slipping out and closing the door behind her.

Rosalie giggles and strips off her clothes. “How embarrassing.”

I laugh as I drop my own wet things beside hers and then nudge her towards the bed. “Baby, I can’t even bring myself to care, not when you’re standing there naked.”

“I’m still wearing underwear!”

“Not for long,” I say, my hands busy.

Rosalie laughs, and as I divest her of her underthings she snakes her arms around my neck and kisses me deeply. “I guess it’s not like they’re not already laughing at us,” she murmurs. “It’s not going to be any more embarrassing if I just take a moment to… _oohhhh_.”  And then there’s no more talking, and I don’t care who might be laughing at me in the living room, not when I’ve got my hands full of Rosalie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN- Gone With the Wind was published in 1936, so they’re okay to have that with them. I admit that I do see resemblances between my Princess Bitchface Rosalie and Scarlett O’Hara, and I love the idea that they’re reading this book about Jasper’s world long before they ever meet him.


	26. Perspectives on time

We do join the others in the living room eventually. It’s kind of funny what a normal sort of family reunion it is- like when cousins would come to visit and you’d all be jabbering on about what you’ve done since the last time you were together and sharing all the news about mutual acquaintances. There are a lot of mutual acquaintances too it seems, I guess the vampire world isn’t all that big.

Edward is sitting on a sofa with Tanya, and she’s eyeing him off like he’s something to eat. He’s looking a little uncomfortable and since Rosalie is gossiping with the other girls I go over and throw myself into the armchair beside him.

“Hey,” I say cheerfully.

Tanya turns her attention to me, taking my chin in her hands and tilting my face to look into my eyes. There’s still an obvious trace of red in the gold, lingering evidence of my failings.

“Carlisle said you’re finding it difficult to abstain?” she says, her voice faintly accented.

I shrug. “A bit.”

“It cannot have been long though?”

“He’s only a few months old,” Edward confirms.

Tanya laughs lightly. “Yes. You still smell brand new.” She breathes in. “The same way that the human blood lingering in your body gives you strength, it lends a slightly human flavour to the way you smell as a baby…very nice.”

“I’m not a baby,” I say, sounding pretty much like a petulant toddler.

At this Tanya gives a peal of laughter. “Oh, Emmett! I am over one thousand years old- you are all babies to me! Even Carlisle is barely more than a child in the context of immortality.”

I feel kind of foolish. “Well, they didn’t tell me that! A thousand years…” I didn’t pay much attention to history at school (and got the strap for it more times than I can remember right now) but a thousand years- that’s _old._ Older than America, older anything I know. “Wow.” Now I’m impressed.

Tanya smiles at me in amusement. “So you see Emmett, when they tell you to give it time, that your control will improve in time, we are talking in measures of time that you would be quite unfamiliar with. The months that you have been trying to control yourself are really little more than the blink of an eye.”

Tanya’s words make me pause. I’m not a patient person, never have been. This vampire life has forced on me lessons in patience that I’m only just starting to learn, but what she says opens up a new perspective for me and I frown as I think it over.

“It took us a great deal of time to learn the necessary control to be in close proximity to humans,” Tanya goes on. “There were so many times that it ended badly!” She smiles ruefully at Irina as she comes over to join us.

“Are you telling Emmett all our stories?” she says lightly.

“Just about learning to abstain from human blood,” Tanya answers. “He is impatient with his own progress, and I have just been telling him that it takes time.”

“Lord yes,” Irina sighs. “So much time! Of course, having a strong incentive certainly helps.” She grins wickedly at her sister, and Edward emits a strangled cough. Clearly Irina’s ‘incentive’ is something juicy- after all this time of watching Edward react to my dirty thoughts I’ve got to know what he does when it’s something good!

For a moment I wish I knew what she was thinking about, but then Edward glares daggers at me and says, “No, you don’t!” and all I can do is laugh.

“Carlisle is very unusual to have lived by his conscience from his vampire birth and never fed off humans,” Tanya says. “To have done so alone is extraordinary.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I get that. That’s what they keep telling me. But Rosalie and Edward never ran around the countryside being a menace like I am either.”

“I have the telepathy though,” Edward argues. “ _You_ do it because in that moment you see them as prey- your senses shut down to only the sound of the heartbeat and the smell of the blood and instinct takes over. I can’t ever do that. I hear their thoughts and I’m forced to recognise their humanity even if I don’t want to. Even evil humans sometimes feel regret and sorrow in their dying moments.”

I know he’s thinking about when he took lives, choosing victims from those whose continuing life did humanity no favours. He’s very careful not to look at Rosalie, but I can tell by the set of her shoulders that she hears.

She drifts over to me, and I reach out to her. I can’t be near her and not touch her, and as I draw her on to my lap and she meets my eyes and smiles it’s like there’s no one else in the world but her. Even here, faced with three vampire women exuding sexuality, there’s no one in the world as beautiful as my Rosalie.

“What about you, Rosalie?” Tanya asks her. “They tell me you’ve never lost control around humans either. What’s your secret?”

“I can’t let it beat me,” Rosalie says simply. “The monster inside…I won’t let it win.”

Edward leans towards her, his face intent. “So you see it as separate? It’s not you?” He’s not needling her for fun, he’s serious and he wants to know. It surprises me that they’ve never talked about this before. But then, I’m not sure that Rosalie and Edward _did_ talk very much, before I was in the middle of them to soothe ruffled feathers and coax a bit more tolerance from both of them.

Rosalie looks at him evenly. “It’s _not_ me. That…desire for the blood…it’s like a different thing, somewhere inside me, and I won’t let it control me. I won’t let anyone – _anything_ \- make me do something I don’t want to do. Not ever, ever again.” Her voice is flat and hard, and I press my lips to the back of her neck to settle her, noticing as I do so the shadow that crosses Carlisle’s eyes as he looks at her.

Edward is frowning. “I can’t see it as a separate thing,” he murmurs. “It’s all me, the dark and the light…”

 Rosalie glances at me and then shrugs. “That’s how I think of it, and how I control it.”

“And if it works, then it’s the right thing to do,” Esme joins the conversation too. “There’s no one way, or one reason that is going to provide the strength needed to resist.”

“Exactly,” Tanya agrees. “The incentive, and the pay off, are different for everyone.” She glances at her sisters. “For us, we get to enjoy ourselves in the human world without bringing harm to those we care about. Rosalie does not have to feel vulnerable or relinquish control. They are different reasons, but they work.”

“I always think about the families,” Esme says softly. “They’re all someone’s child, someone’s parent or sibling or friend. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, and I couldn’t knowingly inflict that on someone else.” Carlisle touches her hand and she laces her fingers through his. “I don’t want to disappoint Carlisle either, or the family I have now. Of course, none of that stopped me from making mistakes at the start, but I just had to keep trying and I’m much better now!”

“And I believe that life is precious,” Carlisle says simply. “All life, and that to preserve life wherever possible is an honourable thing.” He looks at me, and his eyes are soft as he takes in Rosalie on my lap, her fingers unconsciously holding my shirt, my arm wrapped protectively around her back. “We can’t always change the world, but we do good where we can.”

“To what end?” Edward sounds depressed. “Do you honestly believe there is redemption for the damned?”

“I don’t believe we are damned,” Carlisle answers. “I can’t believe that Edward…not when I look at you, at Esme…at all of you. There is such goodness and light in everyone Edward, how could I believe that God would forsake us in the end?” Carlisle looks at Tanya. “Where do your beliefs lie, Tanya? Irina? Kate? You have lived and seen more than any of us.”

Kate shrugs. “I’ve seen enough to safely say that I don’t know!’ she says cheerfully, and that lightens the mood a little.

Tanya touches her sister lightly on the arm. “We have seen a great deal done in the name of your God, Carlisle…I am not sure what I believe. I sometimes like the idea of an afterlife, of meeting lost loved ones again…” her voice falters for a minute before she goes on. “But I do not have faith as a big part of my life here on earth. And as I said to Emmett earlier- there is always time. I will discover more one day.”

This is all getting a bit heavy and philosophical for me. Truth be told it was all a lot simpler when I was human- heaven for the deserving and hell for the wicked. Here in this vampire life though I’m being confronted with morality in all shades of grey, and I’m not sure where I stand on this issue of faith. But as Tanya says, there’s always time…maybe I’ll work it out one day. And as Rosalie shifts her weight in my lap and I touch the silk of her hair and feel her sweet breath on my face I think I’m never going to find a better life than what I have right here on earth, here with this girl in my arms.


	27. Of snowball fights and love

I go outside later. As entertaining as it is to watch Tanya flirt with Edward while he gets more and more awkward about it, I’m restless. I need to move, so I make my apologies and head on out into that snowy world that holds so much possibility.

I hunt first, taking down a caribou with ease. The antlers on the thing are phenomenal and I can’t help but think about much my Pa would love a rack like this to hang on the wall. I’m half tempted to rip the head off and get it done for him, but I reluctantly concede that it’s probably not a good idea- having the head of a dead animal delivered anonymously to your doorstep is going to freak anyone out, even if it is nicely stuffed and mounted and has the best set of antlers I’ve ever seen. I bury it, which takes longer than normal with the six feet of snow I’ve got to get through first, and then go back to the house.

I don’t go inside though. Instead I build a fort and lay in a supply of snowballs and wait for Edward, knowing he’ll be out before too long, even if only just to get away from Tanya. It takes longer than I expect, and my fort is getting ridiculously elaborate by the time he appears. I’ve even sculpted some gruesome looking gargoyles for it when I hear the front door open and Edward appear on the porch.

“Don’t you dare do what you’re thinking…”

I don’t even let him finish before I let fly, the boulder sized snowballs smashing themselves to bits against his chest and head as he fends off my assault.

“Emmett, you ass!”

But he’s laughing as he tries to approach my fort and I keep belting him with snowballs. He’s retaliating now, but I’m well prepared with my defences and he really doesn’t stand a chance. Soon enough I’m sitting on his chest jamming snowballs down his neck and into his mouth- mostly just because that’s what you do with snow, not because the cold of it is going to even bother his stone vampire body.

Edward’s girly shrieks have attracted attention, and the others come out on to the porch to see what we’re doing. With a boyish laugh Carlisle comes to his defence, and soon I’ve got both of them pelting me. I take refuge behind my fort, and the two of them start building their own defences and rolling snowballs that are looking bigger than Edward.

“Now I know for sure who your favourite is!” I shout at Carlisle, laughing as Edward hurls a snowball with deadly accuracy. “Come on Rosalie…help me out baby doll, they’re going to slaughter me!”

She’s smiling at me, but she hesitates and I must have a subconscious suicide wish because I open my mouth and yell, “Forget about your hair! I’ll fix it when it gets messed up!”

After that idiotic remark my fate is sealed, she throws an obscene gesture my way and then goes and high fives Edward and Carlisle and the three of them cackle like witches as they start in on me. It ends with all of them sitting on me, trying to get me to ask for mercy which I won’t do. Which I can’t do, actually, considering that Rosalie has so much snow jammed down my throat and up my nose that I can’t even get a breath, let alone talk. Although as I look up at her sitting on my chest with her dress soaked in snow and clinging to every curve and her snowy damp legs on either side of my face I’m thinking that there are a lot worse places I could be right now…

“Oh my god, Emmett, don’t!” Edward, who was sitting on my lower half, feels both my thoughts and the inevitable result of them, and scrambles off me. “Does everything turn into that with you?”

Carlisle, who had my feet, half chokes as he realises what’s got Edward so agitated, and he tips backwards as he laughs.

I flip Rosalie head over ass off my chest and into the snow and cough up all the ice that’s down my throat and in my mouth. “Pretty much.” I haul Rosalie out of the snow bank and grin at Edward.

He shakes his head. “I really should give up on you.” He pauses and then eyes me speculatively, a wicked grin lighting up his face. “You’re rather unbearable sometimes Emmett…I think it’s time you were taught a lesson.”

I raise my eyebrows at him. “I’d like to see you try. You know I can beat your skinny ass with one arm behind my back.”

“Oh, not me!” Edward says. “I had something else in mind. Kate?”

She steps across the snow to us. “You wanted me, Edward?”

He smiles at her charmingly as I look at him suspiciously. “Rosalie and I are tired of Emmett lording his physical superiority over us,” Edward says. “We thought perhaps it was about time he learned that he’s not God and master of all he surveys!”

Kate laughs. “You really want me to?”

Edward nods vigorously. “Yes, I do!”

“Do what?” I look at Kate. She doesn’t look particularly tough, but I recognise Edward’s smug little smirk and know there’s more to this than meets the eye. I glance over at Rosalie but she’s as mystified as I am.

“Kate has a gift. She could take you down with one finger,” Edward says confidently, a laugh in his voice.

I raise my eyebrows sceptically. Okay, there’s some trick here, but one finger? Really?

“I see you have your doubts, big guy,” Kate chuckles. “Time to test your mettle then.” She winks at Rosalie. “Don’t worry sweetie, you’ll get him back.”

Edward whispers something to Rosalie and she laughs- a knowing kind of laugh that makes me _very_ nervous, but I can’t back down now so I wade through the snow over to Kate and hold up my hands in surrender. “Okay…I get the feeling isn’t going to end well for me, but do your worst.”

She reaches out and, literally, touches me with one finger.

It’s like a thousand volts of power shooting through my body. The world disappears for I don’t know how long, but when I blink back into being I’m on my back staring up at the sky and they’re all laughing. Kate looms over me. “Help you up?”

“No fear!” Ignoring her proffered hand I scramble to my feet. “Fuck me! What the hell was that?”

Kate is grinning in amusement. “It’s what I do. It used to be only focussed in my hands, but I can extend to run a slight current all over my body now, which means anyone who touches me gets a dose of what of what you just experienced.  It comes in handy in a fight.”

“I bet it would! Sweet Jesus, that’s a killer,” I shake myself like a dog. “Damn…I know who not to annoy around here now.”

Kate laughs. “You’d better believe it!”

I look at Edward. “You bastard. You knew it would be like that…has she done it to you?”

“No!” Edward shakes his head. “But I’ve listened to the thoughts of people as she’s done it to them – including you just now- and I’m quite happy to go with only the second hand experience for this one.”

I run my hands through my hair, dislodging lumps of snow. “For once the mind reading is sounding pretty harmless. At least you can’t hurt me!”

Edward laughs, and people begin straggling back in to the house. I follow kind of reluctantly, but as everyone separates to do their own thing it’s easy to slip off with Rosalie and soon enough I’m right where I want to be, nude and together and loving on my girl. I don’t know that it’s great manners, but I get the feeling these Denali girls will understand and won’t be judging us badly for it. It’s crazy, this obsessive need for her I have, and as I move inside her and she holds a hand over my mouth to muffle my noise I wonder if it’s always going to be this way.

It’s got to be hours later when I sigh and sprawl on my back on the bed, noting ruefully that I’ve put a foot through the wall at some point and I’ll have to fix it before we head home. Rosalie, lying next to me all spread legs and just-fucked hair, groans slightly and stretches and even as sated as I am I can’t help but reach over and run a hand along her leg. “Beautiful girl…”

She opens her mouth to say something but there’s a quick rap at the door and then we hear Edward’s voice. “Put some clothes on…I’m coming in.”

Rose gets herself out of bed, brushes her hair, wraps herself in my shirt and is sitting back on the bed leaning on the headboard before I even blink. I wonder if she has idea how fucking sexy she is like that- I mean the shirt covers all that it’s supposed to be covering, but it’s also very clear that she’s wearing nothing underneath and those amazing legs coming out the bottom of it…I shake my head and grope for a pair of trousers, which are only just on when Edward slips in, closing the door behind him.

“Sorry,” he mutters, sounding anything but. “I just wanted a break.”

Rosalie looks at him, surprisingly good humoured. “You must need it, if you would risk coming in here with us…”

“You’ve got no idea!” Edward laughs in embarrassment, leaning back against the door. “I can hear Emmett’s thoughts all too clearly, so I knew when you were…done…” I don’t know who is more embarrassed by this conversation, Edward or Rosalie, but I can’t help being entertained.

“So what’s the issue? Tanya?” I guess.

“How did you know?”

“You’d have to be blind not to see the way she looked at you,” I say. “And in my experience, when a woman looks at a man like that, she’s going to get what she wants!”

“She’s certainly determined,” Edward sighs.

Rosalie rolls her eyes. “Poor you. So hard to have a beautiful lady after your body.”

I think Edward might be regretting coming in here, even if we are wearing clothes now, judging by the look he throws Rosalie.

“What’s the problem?” I grin at Rosalie, and slide my hand under the shirt so it’s resting on her ass cheek. “I mean, she’s not Rosalie, but she’s good looking, she’s willing…”

Edward frowns and then sighs. “Is that all that matters to you?”

I open my mouth to give him a smart answer, but then I think about what I’ve been doing with Rosalie and how it’s been so much more than anything I ever did with girls in my human life. I liked those girls, I tried to be decent with them and it was fun, but somehow when it’s my Rosa girl and there’s my heart involved it’s all different.

"Not _all_ that matters,” I say softly, and I know that Edward’s hearing the rest of the thoughts from my mind and Rosalie’s feeling the gentle caress of my fingers on her skin and they both understand what I’m not saying. 

Edward looks at Rosalie and I with a lopsided smile. “And so it is for me. I grew up with parents who were happy together, and then I saw and felt how Carlisle and Esme are, and now how you two are…I don’t want less than that. Maybe they’re old fashioned and romantic notions, but I want more than pretty and willing Emmett. I want to be with someone who loves me, someone I love too. I’ll know it’s right when I find her, however long that takes.” He looks away, embarrassed, but I think both Rosalie and I are touched by his honesty and neither of us say a word.


	28. A gift from Edward

Kate is our next visitor, although not for some time after Edward leaves. She’s not in the least bit shy, and when we answer her light knock she strolls right in and sits elegantly on the end of the bed. If anyone’s feeling awkward at that point it’s me, since I can’t find my trousers and the only thing I can find to cover myself in a hurry is Rosalie’s slip, and the thin silk lying over my groin doesn’t leave a lot to the imagination.

“We’re going to take you out tonight,” Kate tells us. “There’s a dance on at a place we know.”

Rosalie’s eyes flick to me before she can help herself, but I’m not offended. I’m pretty doubtful about the idea myself. Inside an enclosed space, close contact with a lot of excited humans?

“You planning on a massacre or something?” I say. “Or do I have to spend all night with Edward on one side reading my mind and you on the other electrocuting me every time I have a bad thought?”

Kate laughs comfortably. “It’s all about incentive Emmett. I’m going to take your lovely girl here and we’re going to spend all afternoon getting dressed up and making ourselves beautiful, and then you’re going to take her out dancing and I believe you’ll find there is at least one thing you want more than blood.”

She and Rosalie giggle, and I give a half laugh and a shrug. “Well, I’m not game to argue with someone who’s liable to shock me into insensibility at any moment.” I give up on modesty, figuring that in a thousand years of taking human and vampire lovers Kate’s probably seen it all, and scoot off the bed and find some clothes. I swoop back to Rosalie and nuzzle into her neck for a moment, giving her a big noisy kiss. “Okay baby, I’ll go outside and leave you to your girly things. Although I _do_ have to say,” I add, eyeing her speculatively as she sits up in bed wearing some bits of lace that are barely covering what they should be, “I think you’re looking mighty perfect just as you are, Rosa girl.”

As I wink at her and swing out of the room I hear them both laugh, and then Kate’s voice saying, “Well Rosalie, I think you’ve got yourself a keeper there.” I grin, and bound outside into the snowy morning. I’ve got a lot to think about.

I always think better when I’m busy, so I start packing snow together and building an igloo. I remember one time up in the mountains there was a storm and I built one with my brothers, but like all my human memories it’s starting to fade. I hum as I work, using my hands to shape the blocks and pack the snow hard.

“Having fun?” It’s Edward, slouching towards me.

“Yep,” I say from inside the igloo, throwing out a pile of snow and chuckling as it spatters in his bronze hair. “It’s a pretty neat job, isn’t it?”

“Very good,” Edward sounds amused. “I take it you’re aware of their plans for tonight?”

“Yeah,” I push the last ice block into place and crawl out of the igloo entrance. “Kate’s taken Rosalie off for some girl shit to get ready.” I frown. “The girls all seem really keen, but I don’t know Edward…it’s going to be pretty hard.”

Edward nods. “I won’t say it will be easy. But we’ll all be there with you, and you’re stronger than you think Emmett.”

I grimace. “I hope you’re right.”

“Who knows?” Edward sounds unusually relaxed about the possibility of murder and mayhem at my hands. “You can do it, you have the control...and you will have Rosalie there, you’re always better at it when you’re with her. Mainly because you want _her_ more than you want blood, but if that’s what it takes then so be it!” He pauses, his hands in his pockets. “Anyway, I’m glad to catch you on your own. I have something for you.”

He withdraws his hand and tosses something at me that I catch easily. It’s a black velvet jewellery box and I give him a quizzical look. “Jewellery, Edward? You shouldn’t have,” I joke.

He rolls his eyes. “Open it.”

I do, and then all jokes leave my mind because inside is a ring. Not just any ring, but the diamond and ruby one that I saw Rosalie looking at one day when we were shopping. The same ring that I went back and looked at, even though I didn’t have enough money and knew I’d _never_ have enough money, because it was the ring I wanted to get for her so I could ask her…I look up at Edward.

“Your thoughts are loud,” he says simply. “I know you wanted to get it for her.”

“I can’t take it,” I say, slightly unsteadily. I want this for my girl so badly! But the money…

Edward shakes his head before I can say more. “Yes, you can. You have to- you know how much she’s going to love it!” He smiles at me, and there is such open and honest affection on his face that I can’t help but grin back. “Please Emmett, let me do this for you. I _want_ to. You’re like my brother now, and I can’t express how much it means to me to have you as part of my family. Rosalie too, for all we fight she’s my sister and I want to see the both of you happy.”

I run a hand through my hair, looking down at the ring. Even in the grey afternoon light it glitters, the white gold band and the diamond for my shining angel girl, the blood red rubies for her fiery heart. I look over at Edward and feel a rush of affection for the uptight freak, who despite being so unlike me has become the best friend I’ve ever had and the only brother I’m going to have in this mad vampire world. “Thanks,” I say, at last. “I don’t know what else to say, but…thank you.” I close the box and drop it into my pocket, then hold my hand out to Edward, who clasps it briefly.

“You’re welcome.” He peers into my igloo. “You actually did do a good job on this- well done.”

“You sound surprised,” I say, half insulted. “I have skills, I’m always telling you!”

Edward laughs. “Yes, I know, clearly I underestimate you all the time!” He looks around him. “I am curious to know what changed your mind. With Rosalie, and marriage I mean. I bought the ring ages ago, but then you were thinking so many other things and I didn’t want to pressure you, or put words in your mouth. It was just while we’ve been here that I heard you think…well, I felt that it was time.”

I go back to smoothing the outside of my igloo. “I always knew it was forever with her. It was never that…I just needed honesty from her. I needed to know she trusts me, and now I do. I needed to know that I can be what she needs, and…well, I’m still working on that. But we’re getting there.”

Edward is looking at me with an odd respect. “Well, I wish you joy Emmett.” He chuckles. “And I wish you luck, because you are taking on a handful and a half with Rose! She’ll not give you an easy time of it, of that I’m sure!”

I tackle him to the ground, quicker than he can read my mind and skip out of the way. “Hey…that’s my girl you’re talking about. A bit of respect, thanks!”

Edward laughs and scrambles away from me, brushing snow off his clothes. “Yes, but even you wouldn’t deny that what I’m saying is true!”

I lie on my back in the snow, idly moving my arms and legs to make an impression of a snow angel. “Rosalie’s a pussy cat… _you_ just rub her up the wrong way and she brings out the claws. She’s very nice to _me_!”

Edward roars with laughter. “Yes, we all know how _nice_ she is to you! I’ve walked in on enough things that should have been done behind closed doors, not to mention having to listen to your megaphone mind to know very well just how _nice_ Rosalie is to you!” He shakes his head. “You’re incorrigible Emmett. But for all that…I will be happy to see you and Rosalie happy.”

I grin up at him and then leap to my feet. “Thanks brother. I’m going to go out hunting now. This dance sounds like a cracked idea of the girls’, but if I’m going to have a chance of behaving myself I had better not be thirsty…and damn I want another one of those bears. Or maybe a moose…I wouldn’t mind giving one of them a try. Are they any good?”

“I’ll come with you and see,” Edward says, and then both of us are off and running, following the abundant scent trails through the snowy wilderness with the ring box a reassuring bump in my pocket.


	29. Promises

“Come on,” I mutter. “How long is this going to take?” I’ve been dressed up and waiting for the girls with Carlisle and Edward for close to an hour.

Edward, all dressed up and reading on the sofa, doesn’t even look at me as he answers, “As long as it takes.”

Carlisle is unconcernedly reading a newspaper. “You may as well relax Emmett. You don’t hurry a lady when she’s getting ready to go out.”

I shrug, a little uncomfortable in my fancy jacket. “I could have stayed outside if I’d known I’d just be hanging around waiting.” Before I can complain anymore though, there’s a noise in the doorway from the hallway and the ladies enter the living room amidst laughter and talk, while my eyes move past everyone else until I see Rosalie.

_Oh, my beautiful girl._ There are no other words for it. She’s wearing a black lace dress, tight over her breasts and belly and hips, flowing down into ruffles at the bottom, and with sheer fluttering sleeves over her white shoulders. The dress isn’t hers, or at least it’s nothing I’ve seen before, but it sets off her smooth pale skin to perfection, and with her hair piled up high on her head and jewels in her ears and around her throat she looks breathtaking. Her eyes meet mine, half flirting and half shy, and I feel myself smiling back at her.

I run my hands through my hair, feeling suddenly awkward because this amazing looking girl is here smiling at me, Emmett McCarty, and surely that can’t be real?

“You look…wow…I mean…” I try to pull myself together and I reach over to her. As she takes my hand the feel of her familiar fingers linked through mine drives away my feelings of awkwardness. Dressed up like a princess or naked on the forest floor doesn’t matter…she’s still mine and I love her. “You look beautiful Rosalie.”

“Thank you.”

I duck my head and brush my lips across hers. “You really do…I’m almost scared to touch you, you look so perfect and glamorous!”

Rosalie laughs a little. “Fine feathers, that’s all. It’s still me.” She touches my tie and pulls my jacket a little straighter. “You look very handsome. I’ll have to keep my eye on you I think, the other girls there won’t have seen anything to match you!” Her eyes meet mine and she raises an eyebrow. “You’re sure about going?”

“After seeing you all dressed up and knowing I get to walk into a dance with you on my arm? Yeah, I’m sure baby,” I grin, and tuck her arm into the crook of my elbow, turning to face the others.

The other ladies, Esme and the Denali girls, are all dressed up too, fancy fabrics and sparkling jewels and elaborately done hair everywhere, but I only have eyes for my girl. Carlisle takes Esme’s arm and Tanya and Kate laughingly tuck Edward in between them as Irina mocks them, and then all of us head out. Vampire running is more reliable than the Alaskan roads so that’s what we do, although when we head outside and Rosalie stoops down to take off the high heeled shoes she’s wearing I scoop her up and carry her most of the way.

The dance is being held in a town hall, and we can hear the music and see the lights long before we’re standing on the steps. And the smell…oh my god, the smell of so many humans, so warm and so closely packed together and so many of the heartbeats racing and excited! It slams into me like a train as Carlisle opens the door and for a moment I reel back. _Sweet Jesus want that god help me want that…_

Rosalie presses against me, and I try and focus on her- the scent of her hair and the feel of her hand on my chest and her thigh pushing in between mine. Edward grips my elbow for a moment, and Kate places a hand on my back.

“Steady there, big guy,” she murmurs.

I laugh, a little shakily. “Thought you weren’t going to shock me?”

“I haven’t yet,” Kate says. “I really don’t want to, either! Get it together now- you walk your pretty girl in there and just think about every other man wishing he was you.”

She grins at Rosalie who winks back at her and then takes my arm again, brushing her hand lightly and almost imperceptibly across my ass. I swallow hard and shake my head. “Okay then. I’m good…let’s do this.”

The burn in my throat once I’m inside, though! I clasp Rose’s hand so tightly I see her grimace and grip my hair with the other, trying to hold myself together. Jesus, this is hard! Having all the others standing huddled around me and clearly waiting for me to snap doesn’t help either, and for one wild moment I think it’s all going to end in disaster.

But Rosalie turns to face me and like we’re the only two people in the room she curves her hands around either side of my face and draws me down towards her, kissing me softly.

“You’re not going to do it,” she whispers tenderly. “I know that. Breathe in Emmett, feel it…breathe through it. You’re here with me, you’re mine…that’s what matters.”

She’s so beautiful, but it’s the open look of trust and belief in her face that does it for me. I cup her face and kiss her back, gently and so lightly, and as I do that I breathe in the burn of desire I feel for the human blood pulsing around me, take in the taste and scent of Rosalie that I love and want so passionately, and it all swirls together into the most overwhelming need I’ve ever felt. But I keep my eyes on Rosalie’s gold ones and breathe it all in, breathe through it, and know that I am strong enough for this.

The tension leaves Edward’s shoulders as he hears my thoughts, and he turns away with a grin. Carlisle and the ladies take the cue from him and suddenly they’re talking and laughing and we’re just like any other group of people here at this dance. Albeit a freakishly good looking group- I see a lot of men looking at all the girls with awe and hunger clear on their faces, and I think I’m not going to be able to let go of Rosalie all night with that lot waiting to pounce.

Instead I wink at her and bow, and ask her to dance with me. Which she does, and then I’m in the middle of all that temptation, hearts beating and pulses throbbing in bare necks and exposed wrists, warm skin and human scent all around me. I think maybe Tanya and Kate had a point about incentive, because as much as I want it all – _and oh, god I’m burning for it!_ – I don’t want it more than I want this angel girl in my arms, with her golden eyes steady on mine, her cool pale hands touching me, her fierce and loving heart that I know will fight alongside me and for me as long as we both endure. _“I love you, Rosalie.”_

Everyone has a good time. Even Edward, who is passed around between Kate and Tanya and Irina like a toy and complains to me about the piano player’s lack of skills in the band, is laughing and smiling and relaxed.

I don’t go nearer to the humans than I have to, but Carlisle dances with some of the wallflowers and the Denali girls seem to be having a ball with the human men they set their eyes on. Esme pulls me outside for a brief break in the fresh air and I see what the others meant about time making a difference. Esme is struggling a little too, and it makes me feel less like a ticking time bomb to know that I’m not the only one. Nothing seems less like a nightmare creature than gentle Esme, even as I stand outside with her looking at her black eyes lighten as the clear air eases the burn she feels for human blood. I think about what Carlisle once said to me about being as forgiving of myself as I am of others, and I impulsively give Esme a hug.

“What was that for?” She’s smiling at me, standing more relaxed as the burn eases.

“Just to say thank you,” I say cheerfully. “For everything you’ve done for me since Rosalie brought me home.”

Esme touches my hand. “I’m so glad she did. Take me back in now Emmett, I think we can both handle a little more?”

I nod and escort her back to Carlisle, who gallantly bows and takes her from my arm. “Thank you Emmett.”

I see Rosalie laughing as she dances with Edward and I’m content to watch her for a little while. She’s teasing and bold and flirty with him, and he rolls his eyes and laughs and plays up to her, and I think this is probably what she was like in her human life. It’s funny to think about it, my girl being a lady who wouldn’t have even looked twice at an uneducated hunter like me, when now her whole soul moves in time with mine. It’s crazy the way things work out, but as I watch her move and think about later, when I will get to take off that fancy dress and take the pins out of her hair so that it tumbles all wild down her back, I know I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We’re the last ones to leave at the end of the night. I’m more than ready to go by then, to be honest, but Rosalie is having so much fun that I don’t want to take her away earlier than I have to. But at last the band packs up and those of us that remain are ushered out into the starlit Alaskan night. I pause for a moment, looking up at the sweep of the constellations and think how far I’ve come from looking up at those same stars with my Pa back in Tennessee.

“You’ll have to come back one day, for the northern lights,” Irina says to me. “They’re amazing.”

I nod. I think we’ll come back a lot, to spend time with these girls that are making my girl laugh and giggle and talk, spend time with these vampires that are becoming like family. I look around at them all, at Carlisle and Esme holding hands and stepping through the snow, Tanya with her arm tucked in Edward’s and his slightly stiff back as he walks beside her, Kate still back in the shadows of the hall as she kisses the human man she was last dancing with. And Rosalie, glittering in the snow, her eyes sparkling as she looks at me.

“Come on Emmett. Let’s get back.”

We walk through town and when we know we’re not being observed any longer we start running, the world passing by in a blur. When we’re getting close enough to their house that I recognise where I am I slow down, pulling Rosalie with me until we’re walking.

“Tired out are you?” she teases me.

I grin. “Exhausted. There’s this girl, she’s been keeping me up with her insatiable demands for my body….” I laugh as she makes a face at me. “Just kidding. I wanted to be with you, that’s all. I thought we may as well walk and enjoy the privacy.”

“Well, I’m not going to say no to that.” Rosalie leaps lightly on to a fallen tree and smiles at me, then jumps down into my arms, kissing me softly. “You did so well tonight Emmett, I was so proud.”

“Thank you,” I say, kissing her back. Mmmm, pretty girl…but no, I don’t want to be distracted now, so I place her back on her feet in the snow and laugh as she pouts at me. She sighs dramatically and takes my hand again.

“Okay, no kissing, I’ll just walk through this snow in my bare feet, wearing only lace….”

“You don’t get cold!” I’m laughing at the injured look on her face, and she rolls her eyes and giggles at me. And suddenly, the whole thing I was going to plan out and make flawless doesn’t matter as much as just being with her, and without even thinking I go down on my knees in front of her. I take her hands and hold out the ring and blurt out, “I want to marry you.”

Rosalie looks at me, and in her face I see laughter and love and hope and I know that she’s going to say yes. So I kiss her hands and slide on the ring (which fits perfectly- for once I’m glad for Edward’s obsessive care over details!) and then grab her up in my arms and swing her around before I kiss her, long and hard and passionately.

“I love you,” I say breathlessly. “I want forever with you, Rosa girl, I want to be yours and know that you’re mine every single day…you’re my world baby. There isn’t anything I want more than you.”

Rose has her arms around my neck and her hands in my hair and she kisses me back. “I want that too,” she says simply. “You’re mine, Emmett, always…you are all I need.”

“You and I, pretty girl,” I say quietly. “Always, because the two of us together is what matters. I don’t have that much to give you,” I shrug a little awkwardly, “and I can’t swear that I’ll never mess up again, but I can promise you that I will love you and do whatever I can to make you happy, and stand by your side forever Rosalie.”

And she smiles, that same beautiful angel smile I remember from the forest, and damn if I haven’t come such a long way from then to just feel the same now! She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen and whatever happens in eternity is going to be just fine as long as I can look into those golden eyes forever. I smile back at my girl, and alone in the beautiful snowy wilderness we make our promises and I know that I’m right where I belong.


	30. Epilogue- Wedding

The world is a blur as I run. I’m focussed on only one thing, right in front of me, just about in reach… _“Yes!”_ I lunge, grabbing my prey in my arms, both of us crashing to the ground and somersaulting with the momentum, straight into a tree which shudders and falls at the impact even as it stops us. I snap my teeth an inch from the neck I’m holding in one strong hand. “Got you!”

“Emmett, you ass!” Edward scowls and struggles in my grip until I release him with a laugh. My newborn strength is nearly gone now, supposedly, but I’m still stronger than Edward. “Let me go…I’m not Rosalie!”

“I wish you were!” I say with feeling, springing to my feet and up on to the fallen tree, where I walk along the branches, balancing easily. “Damn I miss being with her!”

Edward brushes the dirt and leaf debris from his clothes and glares at me. “Oh please. You still see her every day, she just wants to hold off on that part of things until after the wedding. It’s been…what? A week?”

“Seven days,” I say dolefully, turning myself upside down and walking on my hands. “Seven days and six nights…I’m _suffering_ Edward, you could have a little sympathy for a brother who’s been kicked out of the bedroom.”

“Well, you’re marrying her this afternoon and you’ll get her back tonight,” Edward says with a roll of his eyes. He chuckles suddenly, his eyes crinkling as he grins at me. “I don’t know if this makes it better or worse for you…but I can read her mind too Emmett, and she’s regretting her rule at least as much as you are! It’s only her sheer pigheaded stubbornness that’s making her keep her distance now!”

I laugh, because I know my girl isn’t one to admit she was wrong if she can possibly avoid it. And this cracked idea of hers, not letting me touch her this week before the wedding… _so_ wrong. “Come on, let’s go find something to eat.”

I’m lucky enough to find a bear, a particularly bad tempered one who provides an entertaining diversion for a while, before I give in to my thirst and make an end of her. Oh, this blood tastes good…it’s been five months since the last time I lost control and took out a human, my best stretch yet, and the longer I’m away from the human blood the more palatable the animal blood seems.

“Are you finished yet?” Edward reappears and looks down at me. There’s a light dusting of dirt on his knees and I know he’s gone and caught himself a meal, drained it and disposed of it in the time that I’ve been messing about here.

I slurp the last drops, and stretch out beside my kill in the sun, feeling full and lazy. “Yeah, I’m done.” I wipe my face on my sleeve, leaving a dark crimson streak on it.

Edward shakes his head. “You eat like a savage Emmett. It’s been almost a year- I would have thought you’d have learned a bit of finesse by now!”

I sigh. He’s always paying me out about being messy. “Give it a rest. It’s more fun to play with them first.”

Edward chuckles. “So you say.” He stoops down and takes the bear’s paw, dragging the body towards him. “I’ll get rid of this for you, and then we should probably be getting back. I think Rose might want you to have a bath before she meets you at the end of the aisle.”

“What? You don’t think I’m at my best in my hunting clothes?” I say with mock offence. “You’re saying that a bride _doesn’t_ want her groom turning up with his knees out of his pants and blood all over his shirt?”

Edward’s laughter drifts back to me as he heads off to dispose of the bear carcass, and I close my eyes and grin. _Bride._ That word and my Rosalie…oh, today is going to be a good day.

Edward beats me in our race back to the house, but I don’t really mind too much. Instead of following him through the front door I take a flying leap onto the roof, then swing down through the window of mine and Rosalie’s bedroom.

Rose is seated at the dressing table, surrounded by Esme and Kate and Irina. Esme has her hands full of Rosalie’s hair and a mouth full of hairpins, but she still manages to sound scandalised as she exclaims, “Emmett! What are you doing here?”

“Come to see my girl,” I say cheerfully.

“You’re not supposed to see her before the ceremony!” Irina scolds me.

“She’s not wearing her dress,” I point out reasonably. My eyes take in the little bits of silk and lace that she _is_ wearing, and I grin as I meet Rosalie’s eyes. “You know, you don’t _have_ to wear a dress, you could just stay like that…”

My girl is smiling at me, and then pokes her tongue out at me in the mirror which really doesn’t help me calm down. Esme gives an exasperated shrug, and Kate laughs.

“Tonight, big guy,” she says teasingly. “You can wait until tonight. Now get out of here, before I have to make you!” She wiggles her fingers at me threateningly.

“You’re such a bully,” I sniff haughtily. Then quick as a flash I swoop around them and plant a noisy kiss right on Rosalie’s mouth, careful not to touch any of the rest of her with my messy clothes and dirty hands.

“I love you baby doll. I’ll see you later…I’ll be the one at the end of the aisle. The good looking one- just ignore Edward standing up there too.” I smack kisses on the cheeks of the other girls too and then, before Kate decides to make good her threat, jump back out the window and re-enter the house through the more conventional means of the front door.

  “Emmett, there you are,” Carlisle is in the living room with Tanya, Carmen and Eleazar, the rest of the Denali coven. He takes in my rumpled, blood stained clothing and wild hair. “Bath time I think…we’ll have to be leaving soon.”

“On my way,” I say, bounding along the hallway. I’ve pushed my luck by going into the bedroom upstairs, it will be more than my life is worth to take over the bathroom up there while they’re prettying up my girl. So I jam myself into the downstairs bathtub, whistling cheerfully while I scrub myself clean.

“No cold feet?” It’s Edward, dressed in his suit and looking immaculate, come to see what I’m doing in Carlisle and Esme’s bedroom.

“Not a chance,” I say, hastily throwing on my clothes. “Aww, hell…” Two buttons from my vest have come off in my hand. Maybe I’m more nervous than I thought; while I pulled buttons and tore clothes all the time in my very newborn vampire days as I adjusted to the new strength I haven’t done that for ages.

“I’ll get Esme,” Edward says calmly.

I manage to break a shoelace and a cufflink before Edward returns, accompanied by both Esme and Carlisle. Between the three of them they get my buttons resewn, new shoelaces threaded and tied, shirt tucked in, tie done and clipped, belt done up and new cufflinks in place while I stand there with my arms held out to the sides, submitting meekly to their orders and feeling like a fool.

“Last thing,” Esme says lightly, fastening a flower in my buttonhole. “There…all done. You look wonderful Emmett.” She stands on tiptoe and pulls me down so she can kiss my cheek. “I’m so proud of you. Of both of you.”

“We all are,” Carlisle adds. “And while we’re in here, there’s something we’ve got for you.” He fishes in his pocket and draws out a jewellery box. “This is for you Emmett.”

It’s a wrist cuff with the silver Cullen crest on it, the same as the one Edward wears but bigger, to fit my wrist, and I stare down at it lying on my palm with my heart full.

“Esme and Edward and I are so happy and honoured that you chose to stay with us and become a Cullen,” Carlisle says softly. “You have added so much to our family, Emmett, and what you’ve done for Rosalie is extraordinary. We love you both dearly, and wish you every happiness in the future.”

I don’t have words, not for this. These people, these vampires who took me into their crazy world and made me one of them and are now making me part of their family…I move towards Carlisle and embrace him, ducking my head down onto his shoulder for a moment to hide my face.

“Thank you,” I say huskily. I hug Esme and Edward too, holding each of their hands tightly. “I don’t know what to say, it means so much…but thank you.” I’m glad I’m not human or I would be bawling, for all I’m trying to be a man, especially when Esme sees how touched by it all I am and fastens it on my wrist because I don’t think my shaking hands can do it themselves.

“We love you,” she whispers sweetly. “I could not be happier for you and Rosalie today.”

I tug my hands through my hair and shake my head. “You’re too much, all of you. You’ve been amazing through everything that’s happened over the last year…I want to promise that I’ll always be one of you and I’m never going to stop trying to live up to you and make you proud of me…aww, fuck it all!” In my agitation I’ve pulled off another button, but my mishap at least makes everyone laughs and the emotional moment ends in teasing as Esme starts sewing me back into my clothes.

Edward drives me to the church in town. I still think it’s mad for a vampire to be getting married in a church, but it’s what’s done in these parts and the idea of it made Rosalie happy so it’s what we’re doing.

One we get there I do have to admit that the place looks amazing in a girly fantasy sort of way, with pink and white flowers and satin ribbons on every pew and smothering the altar out front. Carlisle opened up the check book and indulged Rosalie’s every whim for her dress and decorations and party, but looking at how the girls have pulled it all together in the chapel and the next door hall where the party will be I think it’s been worth it.

It’s not a huge wedding. The Denali coven came down for it, and there are a couple of other vampire guests that we’ve met during the past year. Then there are the human guests, people Carlisle knows from the hospital and Esme knows from her charity work, guests invited from college by Rosalie and Edward. Everyone is dressed up and seated in the church, and Edward and I are standing up front by the minister. He’s calm and serene, and I’m rocking on my feet and tapping my fingers anxiously because now Rosalie’s late.

“Brides are always late,” Edward tells me softly. “Calm down Emmett- she’s coming.”

“Got the rings?” I ask him, for probably the fiftieth time, but he patiently taps his pocket.

“Yes, as I’ve told you numerous times. You watched me put them in my pocket…they’re there!” He smiles at me in amusement. “Goodness Emmett, you’re as uptight as I usually arm!”

That makes me laugh and relax like probably nothing else would. “Heaven forbid!”

Besides, now that I’ve calmed down I can hear the car. I listen to the door open and Carlisle’s low voice as he says something, and Rosalie’s light answering laugh, and now I’m not anxious at all. I just _want_ her, my pretty girl…I want her coming down the aisle to me and holding my hand and wearing my ring and, finally, being mine for all the world to know. _Mine. Always._

Esme is acting as Rosalie’s maid of honour and enters the chapel first, looking young and pretty in her pink dress and with her face wreathed in smiles. I wink at her, but I’m not paying much attention because Carlisle is coming up behind her, and on his arm is Rosalie.

At that moment, there’s nothing else in the world for me but her, my beautiful, brilliant, white-gold angel girl. There are no shadows in the golden eyes that meet mine down the length of the church aisle, not today…just love and joy and the promise of forever. I watch her walk to me, looking more perfectly exquisite than ever in her white dress, with flowers pinned into the piled up golden hair and sapphires sparkling around her delicate throat, and I don’t care that I’m grinning like a fool. Because she’s giving herself to me, and I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world who could possibly feel happier than I do right now.

Carlisle stops beside me, and when I smell that intoxicating Rosalie scent I can’t help the low, purring growl I make, which in turns makes those who hear it laugh. Carlisle chuckles, and then takes both of Rosalie’s hands in his and squeezes them, looking at her with such love and pride that he really does seem like her father. “Darling girl…you deserve this,” he says softly.

Rosalie’s lip trembles, and when he goes to release her hands she grips him tightly. “Carlisle,” she says falteringly, and then swallows hard and nods. “Thank you,” she says finally. It’s only two words, but the look on her face and the way she clings to his hand for another minute says more than words ever could.

Then she turns her face to mine, and even though I’m not supposed to I can’t help but trace my fingers across her familiar and beloved face, and then press a soft kiss on to her forehead. _My angel girl._

Edward snorts and pulls me away by the back of my jacket while the minister clears his throat and everyone laughs. I don’t mind. I know it’s breaking the wedding rules to kiss before the end, but Rosalie and I are already breaking so many rules just by the mere fact of our existence. What else can we do but make up our own rules to live by, focussing in on what matters to us? And in my world, it’s always the right time to love the person who makes me happier than anything else.

The ceremony is as short as I could get away with making it, but it has all the important bits. We make our vows and Rosalie promises to love, honour and _obey_ me, which makes Edward shake with silent laughter beside me. I know he’s thinking about Rose’s last tantrum when she threw an armchair at me and smashed my head through the wall, and even I want to laugh as I raise my eyebrows at Rose and she smiles angelically back at me. Edward produces the rings at the right moment and we slide them on each other, Rose gracefully and me a little less so. The jewellery feels strange, I’ve never worn anything other than a watch before, but I think about the engraving on the insides – _Emmett and Rosalie. Always.-_ and know I won’t want to take it off. Then it’s finally the bit that I’ve been waiting for.

“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride,” says the minister solemnly, then his serious face cracks into a grin as he adds, “Again!”

I know I’m supposed to just give her a decorous kiss, I’ve been told by Edward and Esme multiple times to just behave myself, but I don’t care. She’s mine and I love her and that’s all that matters to me. So I swing her up in my arms and she shrieks in surprise and drops her flowers…then her eyes meet mine and both of us laugh as I try to kiss her. So it is that the kiss that starts our married life is far from the movie perfection we’re supposed to want; instead it is open mouthed and laughing and sweet, and so totally and utterly wonderful that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We leave the party early. We’ve spoken to everyone and been congratulated and fussed over endlessly, and if I have to shake too many more hands and kiss too many more human women on the cheek I think I’m going to snap. Besides, I just want to be with _her._ They’ve been so many guests at home and tasks to do to get ready for the wedding, quite aside from Rosalie kicking me out of the bedroom for the past week, that there has not been time and space for me just to be with her. And I need that. I need my angel girl’s arms around me and the smell of her hair in my nose, I need to touch her and make myself whole again.

“Wedding present,” Carlisle grins at us, waving his hand. “May the two of you always be as happy as you are today!” He points to the bottom of the stairs at the front of the hall, where there’s parked a brand new, blue Chevrolet. He presses the key into my hands. “Happy travels.”

Rosalie hugs him, and then Esme, and then even Edward, who hugs her back and winks at me over her shoulder. She then twines her arms around my neck and kisses me, before holding out her hand. “Keys, please?”

I laugh and shake my head. “You don’t know where we’re going, so you don’t get to drive.” I laugh even harder at the appalled look she gives me when I say no.

“But it’s new! And you drive like shit!”

“Get in the car.” I give her a gentle push. “Come on baby, I want to go away with you now. And while I know everyone thinks you’ve got me whipped, I’m still enough of a man that I’m not having my wife drive me away from my own wedding! Besides,” I add teasingly. “This great girl has been giving me driving lessons…I’m _much_ better than I was.”

“Well, I suppose that’s true,” Rosalie concedes. She looks at me, and her eyes are dark with want. “I think we should go now.”

She doesn’t have a going away dress. She loves her fancy wedding dress and doesn’t want to take it off, which makes me happy enough. She’s glowing and glorious in it, and something about the way she looks at me across the room and the way the satin of the dress feels under my hands makes me want to be the one to strip it off her at the end of the day anyway. So as we drive away into the early night she’s still looking like a beautiful bride, and I look across at her and smile.

“You happy, baby?”

Rosalie looks back at with clear, honest eyes. “More than I could ever say.” This is as much as I could ask for, and I’m satisfied.

We drive for a couple of hours, fast in the new car that Carlisle and Esme have given us. It’s a ridiculously extravagant gift, but I’m used to their ways now and the money aspect doesn’t bother me much anymore. I’ve seen the bank accounts- I could buy a hundred cars and not even make a dent in that fortune. Besides, as my control gets better I’ve been considering getting a job, or even going to school with Edward and Rosalie. No hurry though- we’ve got time.

Our drive takes us deep into the wilderness of forest up near the Canadian border. Rosalie, abnormally docile, doesn’t even ask where we’re going, let alone badger me into telling her and bossing me into letting her drive, which is what I had pretty much expected from her. Finally though, I reach our destination and pull the car up in front of a small, solid wood cabin.

“Come on,” I say softly, opening the car door and helping her out.

The cabin has a deep, shady porch out front, and two large windows in the front wall. It’s night time now, but we’re high up on the mountainside and the view of the sunrise will be spectacular. Inside the cabin is very plain- polished timber floor with thick, luxurious rugs scattered about, a large stone fireplace in one wall, rough-hewn timber walls still smelling of resin, and an enormous low platform bed. There’s a plump, inviting sofa by the fire, and a small writing desk and chair beside a bookcase filled with books against the other wall. Hanging from the ceiling are a collection of model planes, and Rosalie smiles as she sees them.

“You made this.” It’s not really a question, but I nod anyway.

“Yeah. I wanted a place for us…just us. Somewhere for us to be alone, and be together. I hope it’s okay,” and I feel a sudden rush of uncertainty after everything. “I know it’s not fancy, but…”

Rosalie shakes her head and covers my mouth with her hand. “It’s _perfect_ ,” she breathes, and I know she means it.

I light the fire that is laid ready, and watch as Rosalie drifts around the room, examining what she sees. The books, her favourites, that I’ve bought and arranged here for her. Her model planes. The journal and fountain pens ready on the desk, the small stack of our favourite games. She touches the stones surrounding the fireplace and smiles when she finds where I’ve carved our names in a heart, just like my brothers and I used to do on trees when we were kids. “Emmett…”

“Happy wedding, Mrs McCarty,” I say softly, taking her in my arms.

She makes a face at the name and laughs. “It sounds so strange! I have to get used to them all, Hale, Cullen, McCarty…”

I shrug. “Whatever one you use…like I said baby doll, I love all of you. All your names, and all your selves and all that you are.” I lower my head and kiss her, my fingers beginning the lengthy task of undoing the hundred tiny pearl buttons down the back of her dress. “Love you,” I murmur, as get the last button undone and the heavy silk of the gown slithers off her body.

I’m rewarded for my efforts by the sight of my bride in only her knickers and stockings and garter, and she gives me a slow smile as she raises her arms and begins taking the pins out of her hair. I don’t think I’ve ever got naked quite so quick as I do then, although once I’m stretched out on the bed watching her I have to lie patiently as she works on her hair. It feels like an hour that she stands in front of the fire with the flames making shadows flicker on her skin, but at last the pins and flowers are all out and her hair tumbles down, flowing over back and covering her breasts in front. _Beautiful girl._ I hold my arms out to her.

“Come here, angel.”

She comes to me then, my angel Rosalie, my bride, and I wrap her in my arms and hold her close. “So glad I ran into that bear,” I murmur into her hair, and grin as I hear her giggle.

“It was lucky for me too,” she says softly, and then her lips are on mine and there’s no more talking. Not in words anyway, but there are gentle hands and passionate kisses and a body that pulls me close and takes me in. There is love, and laughter, and a pleasure and connection so deep that I stare into her eyes and don’t know where I end and where she begins as we move together, and I know that this is just the start of forever for us.

_Love you. Want you. Need you. Beautiful angel girl…always._    


End file.
